Give me some tips on talking to my 11 year old about looking for naked pics on t'internet

[Janni]

He's started secondary school and I think has been given suggestions for words and sites to search because today, for the first time on his 'search history' were 'naked pics' 'Zoo magazine' etc

It's our family computer and they've generally just played games on it, but I can see we're now entering a new phase.

I want to be cool but firm about it. I don't want him searching this stuff out though I understand he's curious.

What do I say to him?

Please also help me to understand about filters and parental controls because until now they've only been allowed on the PC when a parent is around and monitoring what they're doing.

Thanks

I have to go out now but will read any replies with gratitude!

I've had a similar problem. Had to explain to dp's then 13 year old son that I understood he was curious BUT this is my family pc and I don't want that sort of material on it for my then 6 year old ds to find. The fact that he knew that I knew what he'd been up to scared him. I've got a net nanny,K9 but it doesn't stop everything. I think you have to check the history regularly. And if need be put a password on the pc so the internet can only be used while you are around.

I'm not sure whether this is the right advice or not since my DSs are just babies still but could you (or your DH) give him another way of viewing this sort of stuff eg a copy of a very soft lads mag type of thing?

I might get crucified for suggesting that but I saw it on a TV show once and thought it was a good way of handling it. It lets DS know that its not "wrong" to be curious about female bodies but has the advantage of not being viewed on the internet and therefore there's no risk of him being exposed to harder stuff.

I might have a completely different view on it though when my DSs are gong through that phase!!

Sparklymummy I personally think an 11 year old boy is too young to be given hard core porn magazines by his mother. That's why you have to be 18 to buy them.

I think I would go with what brightwell said if (when) I am in that situation.

I suspect that sparkleymummy didn't mean "hard core porn magazine that you have to be 18 to buy". It's possible that she did, I suppose, and only typed "very soft lads mag" accidentally because her typing is as bad as Cod's, but on balance I think it's more likely that she meant "very soft lads mag" (which you don't have to be 18 to buy... I'm guessing FHM or Maxim or Zoo or Nuts or something like that).

Still not entirely convinced that it's a good idea (not massively keen on the overall tone of lads' mags' attitudes towards women) but more useful to engage with what she actually suggested rather than something she didn't suggest.

Thanks for all your replies.

Brightwell, that's useful. Also I have two younger children and he is generally a very good big brother so he will understand about not having unsuitable stuff on the family PC.

Sparklymummy - i can see where you're coming from, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at his age and he can see the covers of these mags in any of our local newsagents anyway. I know what you mean about satisfying curiosity
without exposure to internet porn.

I am going to talk to him after school today. I want to say something along the lines that it's really important for him to have girls as friends and later as girlfriends (luckily he's at a mixed school), rather than staring at pictures of their bodies, but I haven't got much further in my musings than that!!

Is there anyone else who's had this sort of talk with their sons?

Could you find him books with pictures of naked female bodies in a non-sexualised context, eg something on women's health, reproduction or breastfeeding?

That's an interesting idea, Kathy.

I can see your problem - I personally would be happy with ds looking at as many naked pictures as he wanted to, including pictures of adults having sex, but it is the tone and message of porn that I have a problem with, and wouldn't want him seeing when a young impressionable person

Thanks nametaken. I manage to get myself into enough trouble on this site at the moment without being known as "give your 11 year old hard core porn woman".

Thank you Portandlemon.

I do agree that the tone of the magazines is not appropriate at that age but was trying to think of a way of getting exposure to a more watered down version of the type of images he is curious about. Personally I think once children become curious they will get hold of images somehow if that's what they are determined to do. I'd rather give my children something I'd looked at and checked over first.

My mother had an earlier edition of this. More a case of knowing it is on the bookshelf and your mother doesn't have a problem with you looking at it, rather than actually giving or showing it.

Yes, I'll think about getting something like that, kathy. I don't have anything at the moment.

DS has come out of school full of the woes of too much homework, so have given him milk and brownies and will tackle the naked ladies at a more appropriate moment