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Parenting

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Original poster

Kids party etiquette

19 replies

SkyBlue1987 · 23/08/2024 08:09

I am about to enter the world of hosting kids parties with my preschooler, up until now we’ve only had families parties. I have a couple of questions.

Cake - is it rude if we only offer the kids a slice of cake? We’ll have about 12 kids. If they all bring 1-2 parents we could end up with 20-25 adults as we have grandparents coming too. Which means a substantially bigger cake. Was thinking of only offering a slice to the kids at the party and saving the rest for us/grandparents etc after the party. Would that be OK? I will of course have a platter out for the adult visitors.

Siblings - we’ve booked an entertainer for 12 kids. I’m not sure if you can pay per extra kid but will find out. Possibly not as the next package they offered was for 12-24 kids. I’m anticipating siblings possibly coming, which I am fine with and will even put a chair at the table for them and there is heaps here they can play with. But how would I keep them from watching the entertainment, I’d be pretty annoyed if after the party I’m charged another couple of hundred dollars for an upgrade to the entertainment package.

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mnahmnah · 23/08/2024 08:12

OP, you say dollars. If you are not UK, then most people here will give UK party etiquette advice, which may not apply where you are

Ohdosodoffdear · 23/08/2024 08:19

You need enough cake to offer everyone a slice IME.
If you're limited to numbers you need to make that clear on the invite, otherwise you'll be over run with siblings.

Original poster

SkyBlue1987 · 23/08/2024 08:25

I’m in Australia. I don’t imagine there’s too much difference between parties here and over there!

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Families

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 23/08/2024 08:27

U.K. advice here… cake for each child in the party bag. It will get binned anyway as it squishes and is disgusting by the time it gets home. (Do you do party bags in the US? )

as an antisocial introvert I have always just concentrated on a couple of my child’s friends. Those they play with regularly and only invite them. Not into huge parties, can’t afford them and way too stressful, definitely overwhelming for my child.
I would be very annoyed if they turned it into a family outing and both parents and siblings turned up too. They would get a cup of tea and that’s it, not invited back.

Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon · 23/08/2024 08:30

I’m such a ray of sunshine on a wet, windy Friday morning!

I recall kids parties as utter torture though.

mrsed1987 · 23/08/2024 08:33

I'd make a big enough cake for adults aswell.

I wouldn't expect siblings to attend unless the parents ask if its OK! I held my ds's first party earlier this year and that's what happened, people text to RSVP asking if it's OK for sibling to come ect. If it's not due to price of entertainer you just say that.

Justleaveitblankthen · 23/08/2024 08:35

Ohdosodoffdear · 23/08/2024 08:19

You need enough cake to offer everyone a slice IME.
If you're limited to numbers you need to make that clear on the invite, otherwise you'll be over run with siblings.

I have only ever known cake be given in a goody bag for the child alone.
It's razor thin too.

In ancient times of little house parties when I was growing up, you got a slither of cake in a piece of kitchen roll, always to take away and eat at home.

UK, oop' north.

historygeek · 23/08/2024 08:48

Yep, I agree- cake wrapped up to take home for invited children only. We bought one cake for candles and happy birthday, and a second (cheaper, not as fancy) to have wrapped up in advance of party for goody bags. Saves you standing in the kitchen slicing cake whilst all hell breaks loose in your house!

If the entertainer will charge per child, you really need to clarify with parents that it is no siblings. Otherwise, what will you do with them? You can't really shut them in another room.

DinnaeFashYersel · 23/08/2024 08:57

UK advice

Cake goes in the party bag and is not served at the party.
Adults - give them a drink and some nibbles and then offer them left overs
Siblings - if you are paying per child for an entertainer etc then its fine to decline siblings for that reason

givemushypeasachance · 23/08/2024 11:19

Is this a party at your house or at some sort of hired venue?

From a UK perspective - most kids don't attend a party with both parents, that's overkill. One parent takes the child to the party and the other stays home and does chores, looks after siblings, goes shopping, has a nap, does something more interesting for their two hour break!

It's cheeky to take a sibling along to a party without asking in advance, being willing to pay extra for them if it's something that costs the host £££, and if they can't bring a sibling and can't make it otherwise then it's fine for them to just decline the invite.

Parents accompanying a child to a party don't expect food but it's a nice bonus if there is some, leftovers from the party spread are fine. If it's not a venue where you can buy a coffee then being given some coffee or tea is nice. Cake gets cut up and offered to kids in or alongside the party bag at the end.

Sweetteaplease · 23/08/2024 11:32

I think it's a bit odd to have a birthday party and not offer cake to everyone

greennotebook99 · 23/08/2024 11:40

Fellow Aus perspective - every single party I have attended the parents have also been offered a slice of cake. Preschool age so you will be expecting the parent to stick around. Kids parties are boring. A slice of cake at the end is always much appreciated.

BabaYetu · 23/08/2024 11:41

Sweetteaplease · 23/08/2024 11:32

I think it's a bit odd to have a birthday party and not offer cake to everyone

In U.K. the cake isn’t served at the party, it’s wrapped up and taken home in a party bag (what I knew as a goody bag in Canada)

In Canada in the Stone Age when I was a child, the cake was served as dessert at the party.

At both, there was a platter of snacks for parents, not cake nor a meal. Usually tea and coffee.

mindutopia · 23/08/2024 11:47

In the UK here, serving cake just to the kids is fine. If there is leftover, offer around to adults. Easiest is to put in party bags and send home with them. Problem solved.

It’s rude to bring siblings to the party uninvited. If you have extra children, you will no doubt be charged extra. I would clarify with parents that you only have space for invited children and not siblings.

pelargoniums · 23/08/2024 11:55

UK. Growing up, cake was wrapped in a napkin and put in the goody bag (and always eaten, never binned?! licking cake off a napkin is a disgusting pleasure).

Now, cake is always served at the party in my experience. And I’ve attended 1000s of the bloody things since lockdown lifted. Kids would go absolutely feral without their slice of cake – even when it’s left to the very end and intended to be wrapped, shoved in a bag and the signal to get out, they’re all clamouring around the cake/poor person wrapping the slices. I’ve never ever seen a slice enter a goody bag.

Absolutely have enough to give to adults too. What we do is have whatever party cake we make, enough for the kids, then a couple of cheaper traybake party cakes from the shop to dole out to parents/strays.

Dal8257 · 23/08/2024 13:18

In the UK here and been to many many kids birthday parties in the last few years. Cake always served at the party and usually a lot leftover for the parents to have a slice too. People will usually only bring siblings if it says so on the invite or they ask in advance. The exception is small babies, they often turn up as well with the parent (but am assuming that’s not going to be a problem with the entertainer).

Georgie743 · 23/08/2024 13:25

I'm in Australia. DC is 10 and cake is never ever sent home with the party bag as it is in the UK. It's served at the end of the party after singing happy birthday (to signal time to leave!) once everyone has eaten cake, hand the party bags out and thank people for coming.

I know some people do cupcakes for the kids and the actual cake is for blowing out the candles / for the adults to eat.

Richtea67 · 23/08/2024 13:29

I'm in UK- slice of cake in party bags, none for grown ups. If you can't accommodate siblings you will need to state this on the invite, otherwise you risk being overrun!

Thehonestbadger · 23/08/2024 13:31

UK advice
I’ve thrown 5 pre school parties myself so far and attended about 30 (seriously kids have a better social life than me)

My opinion,
-Rent a hall/room that you pay one flat fee for regardless of number or kids
-Rent a bounce house/entertainer that again is one flat fee (check with your current one but unless the kids need individual supplies or items provided it’s usually one flat fee)
-Invite a safe number. We usually invite 20 and have generally ended up with about 30 at each event, siblings very close in age or babies are often brought without notice. (Etiquette is different if it’s a ‘pay per head’ venue like trampoline parks or soft plays or pottery painting…etc)
-Bring spare party bags just incase
-catering and cake is just for the kids. Parents know this and expect nothing. In the U.K. we always have a hot drink station as they come with all the venues and it’s just how we roll here so I often stick some cookies there but you don’t have to. Kids food is always light and simple. Nothing fancy.
-when you want people to leave just grab the party bags and start yelling ‘thank you all so much for coming’

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