4y8m ... Very determined and won't "tlet things drop"

[llamajohn]

Ok. So if DD gets an idea in her head, that's all she wants to do/achieve.

So for example, if we are going out for the day and she knows we might be getting ice-cream, that's it, all she'll do is mention "when are we having ice cream?" "Are we having ice cream" like... Constant going on it feels. I tell her "yes, we're getting ice cream after we've done X", and she'll ask again and again. I'll say "yes, I've told you, after X, you don't need to ask again"

The other day, I admit, I lost my patience and she asked for what felt like the billionth time about "are we going to the park now?" And I said "I told you, we're going after we've done the shopping. If you ask about it again, we're not going." And about 5 minutes later, whilst shopping, she asks AGAIN! I followed through and didn't take her (much to her annoyance)

Anyway, is this fixation in things "normal "?

I think I am true to my word with her, so it's not like I'm flakey and change my mind on things, or promise something and not deliver, or do random punishment "well we're not doing woods now, because you spilled the paint", I do the 'natural consequences ' approach generally. So, if she spills paint, she cleans it up and now there's less paint to use.
I never use food as a reward or punishment or link it to behaviour.

This fixation also appears as "let's do this now;" and has to do it immediately. Like, she gets the idea to water the plants, and boom, she has to do it now and quickly.

Is this normal? Any way to help her?

It's fairly normal and it's not really her who needs the help, it's you! She's fine asking a million times, it's you that's being driven slowly insane 😂.

Some tips:

Avoid telling her in advance what's going to happen, don't mention ice cream/the park etc until you're about to go.

Turn her questions back on her 'are we going to get ice cream soon?' respond with 'when are we going to get ice cream?'. This forces her to recall and process the information she already has. Don't get trapped in telling her the same information over and over.

For some children a visual cue can help so if you need to tell her plans in advance make her a list of when things will happen and when she asks point her to her list.

If my own nearly 5 year old is anything to go by, yes it's completely normal. Probably a developmental thing where they haven't learned the line between overexcited and annoying. Bless them, it must be so important to them that they just don't want to take the chance we forget or renege. Even if we never have before.

Agree with the turn it back on her. My son is a bit younger but I get “Where’s Daddy?” on repeat. After a few times of saying “He’s at work and will be home this evening,” I tend to say something silly like “Daddy’s gone to moon.” Then my son will laugh and say “Don't be silly, Daddy is at work,” and it seems to break the cycle, at least for half an hour or so!

DS2 was like this. I leant not to tell him certain things so that we could get on with the day.
I think that some people are always looking at what's next rather than living in the moment.

Yes it's normal. I tend to withhold the news about the treat until nearer the time or they'll drive me mad nagging for it.

Agree with turning it back though, if mine keep on about e.g ice cream I'll say "no, we won't have ice cream, we'll have worm custard or dog food pie instead" and they'll say, "don't be daft, we're having ice cream"....they don't tend to be quite so repetitive then.

My kids all did this. One is autistic (and still does it at 13 😩) but the others were just annoying and did grow out of it.

My tactic was to answer twice (maybe three times if I was feeling patient), and after that to just say "what did I say last time you asked me that?" or something along those lines. Not in an arsey way but to make them actually think about it instead of just asking me endlessly!

Child behaves like child shocker.
Maybe you should have got a cat.

This is really good advice

I do this with my daughter and it helps

My sympathises to you OP

Arsey replies, shocker on MN!

This parent is asking parenting advice on a group for parents in the section labelled parenting...
Maybe, just maybe they're worried about it, just wanting some solidarity and support?
Did you mean to be so rude?

My son dose this we are currently setting up a visual timetable for him, on the advice from a child psychologist (my son is low on the autistic spectrum and has high anxiety).
I don't know if it will work yet as we are currently still setting up but I'm hoping so

Great idea about pushing it back to them 👍👍👍

Why did you post this? To be helpful?

My first son was not like this at all. Pretty easy going, happy to go with the flow, so I was caught out a bit when my second son was more demanding. It showed me that even though you may be the same sort of parent, each child is very different. There's a large gap between my sons and I found myself being able to tell DS1 that e.g. we'd get an ice cream later....but don't tell your brother!

They're still the same at 15 and 25 (though the stakes tend to be higher than a Mr Whippy!).

Interesting!