2 year old - extremely fussy eater

[CornflowerSky]

My 2 year old DD has gradually become more and more fussy with her eating. Breakfast is usually fine and involves yoghurt or toast and butter, all of which she eats. Until a few months ago, she would try a good portion of a cooked meal in the evening, and for vegetables ate broccoli, green beans, peas, carrots and sweetcorn. She also used to like grains, while weaning.

As she's advanced into toddlerhood, she's gradually dropped more and more foods. There are now NO vegetables that she will eat and the only meat she'll eat is sausages. She refuses all grains/potatoes etc. She even hates lots of foods toddlers usually enjoy, such as pasta and pizza.

I do not give her packaged snacky foods (except sometimes on picnics) so it's not that she thinks these are an option. I don't give her unhealthy alternatives when she refuses a meal. At mealtimes, I follow the advice to just place the meal in front of her and make no comment, then take it away at the end. But she simply doesn't try ANYTHING on her plate.

As for what she does eat, it's extremely limited but she basically eats fruit, eggs, baked beans, yoghurt, toast, cheese, sausages, butter, bread. (Obviously if offered she would gladly eat uhealthy things like cakes, biscuits, chips, chicken nuggets... but I very rarely give her these, only at parties or social occasions etc).

I don't know what to do anymore. Literally every dinner time she just sits there. If I ever (very rarely) gently suggest she tries something or point out what's on her plate, she throws her head back and shouts NO, but I'm not even being particularly pushy. Most of the time I say nothing. She hasn't eaten a single vegetable or piece of meat (that isn't sausage) in months. She has a cup of milk a day which we put vitamins in, I'm guessing that's why she doesn't look like she's seriously deficient in anything. She's a healthy weight.

She is generally a very cautious child. She isn't one of these toddlers that charges around and is "into everything", she's wary of anything new. But it's not like I'm even giving her new foods - these were all things she gladly ate when she was weaning. She was never a super eater (I've seen babies/toddlers devour their food - she was never like that, but she used to gladly munch away at a few vegetables and have a few spoonfuls of her meal).

There hasn't been any big event that could have triggered this, it's just been a gradual thing. I'm a SAHM so she isn't eating anything in a childcare setting.

Can anyone give me any advice or hope? I'm feeling so guilty, like I'm failing her as she just isn't eating a balanced diet at all. It doesn't help to "look atw what she eats over a week not a day", because in general she's just NEVER eating outside the very limited list I gave.

It's very normal.

You're doing everything right. Make sure she always has something on her plate that she will eat, but otherwise carry on with offering the food, not making any comment, removing the food. Don't offer an alternative. Let her see you eat the same, meals should be social and enjoyable even if she isn't eating the food.

Her list of 'will eats' is decent, has all the major food groups in there. If she'll eat chicken nuggets, make some, there's nothing wrong with chicken or breadcrumbs, no need to write them off as 'junk food'. Same with fishfingers.

Will she drink a smoothie?

Chips are also just potato! If she'll eat them, make them.

I don’t think she sounds that fussy TBH? Her ‘will eat’ list is pretty good. Can you do homemade breaded chicken or fish, if you know she’d eat chicken nuggets or fish fingers? Just keep offering other things alongside. Mine does eat very well at nursery, if that’s ab option for a couple of days.

Yep we do eat together as a family.

She likes smoothies and juices so that's a good idea - I could disguise some veg in there.

I have actually tried making things similar to fish fingers etc before, but if they look vaguely homemade and don't have that really addictive taste, she isn't interested 😂

Also, I don't understand why we're advised to put "one thing on the plate that they will definitely eat". If I do this, she would simply eat that one thing and nothing else. It makes her even less likely to try the other foods. She'd just be eating more of what she's having all day anyway.

I think 'normal' fish fingers and nuggets would be fine in circumstances. They are basically protein.

I agree, particularly if you choose ones from M&S or Waitrose where they're pretty good quality.

Or make some and put them in a paper bag/cardboard box so she thinks they're takeaway ones!

My ds has ARFIDS, it might be this.

This is completely normal. Keep calm, she will grow out of it.

Because it's all about avoiding making food stressful.

It's stressful for a child to be hungry and given a plate of food that they can't/won't eat.

It's stressful for a caring parent to watch their hungry child refuse to eat any food.

There is nothing wrong with your child eating the food from her list, you just offer other stuff to keep her options open.

I really really hope not! :(

Ok, that reasoning makes sense. It's just every time I've done this, she'll eat the one thing she likes, then have a tantrum that she can't have more of it, and it makes here even less likely to eat anything else on her plate.

DD is 2.5 and has been through phases like this, often around teething but not always. She is ok currently but not brilliant.
We do give her fish fingers regularly- I don't feel they are particularly rubbish. And certainly chips- as someone said just potato!
She currently won't eat any veg separate but will eat veg in things like curry and spag Bol (I don't hid it but I do chop it small).
She likes fruit but only certain things- berries, satsumas and occasionally apples. Oh bananas have recently made a comeback but only if I leave the skin on.
Meat- sausages, burgers, ham all fine but others hit and miss.
We do the put something that is a safe food for her on the plate- it really does help. She will often eat the bread or yogurt etc first and then try something else. I think it stops it looking so intimidating. I also only serve her a small amount if it's something that's not a safe food so it's not overwhelming.
One thing she often does with bread (a definite safe food!) is put some of the curry or whatever on top of it and try it that way.

Does she still drink milk? Their rate of growth slows a lot at this age, so if they're still drinking milk they don't need as many calories from food as they would have done 6-12 months ago.

Unfortunately she would currently never ever eat a curry or a spag bol or anything like that :( Literally no hot cooked meals are on the menu for her (I make them but she doesn't touch them).

Should I be giving her less milk do you think? She only has one cup at bedtime.

No that doesn't sound excessive and if she's being picky it's probably a good way to get in nutrients! They do eat a lot less from two onwards, so my only recommendation would be to make portion sizes smaller than she's had up until now, so she doesn't feel overwhelmed. I'm on child 3 now, and have found that their appetites increase again once they start school! I would keep serving the foods you want her to eat and she will eventually eat them again. It sounds like you're doing a great job!

I do try to keep portions small so it's not intimidating... Usually 1 tbsp of each food on her plate. Hasn't worked, she still won't touch it :(

It's almost like it's just become a habit or a psychological thing for her... Like it's now her routine to just sit at the table and refuse her meal.

@CornflowerSky to be fair I think DD is unusual in liking them. Most toddlers seem to prefer their food separate while DD prefers saucy mixed up stuff 🤷‍♀️
I think you need to stop beating yourself up about it. They all seem to have fussy stages.
Maybe lower your standards as to what is a hot meal for a while- sausages, chips and beans is a hot meal, so is scrambled egg (DD will it very finely chopped white mushrooms in egg) and toast. It might help to reduce your stress about her eating which in turn might lead to her being less stressed and trying more. It's amazing what they pick up on even when you don't say anything.
Then go back to adding a safe food (decent portion not a tiny bit) on other meals. Hopefully with that and time it will gradually increase again.

Is there any way to mix it up? Eat outside if you have a garden and furniture. It's not ideal, but it might be worth trying a different location?

Interesting you say about habit- the other thing I was going to add was DD will sometimes try something new in a different setting- she would never eat hummus but tried it in a cafe and now eats it at home occasionally too.
At toddlers she eats grapes- won't touch them at home but maybe one day! 😂

Yes might be worth trying this

@CornflowerSky I could have written this post, my son is exactly the same way, even their list of safe foods is quite similar. All meat is refused, even though he used to eat sausages. I rely on hummus, yoghurt and eggs to get protein into him.

It isn’t ARFID, just toddler pickiness as their tastebuds have evolved.

The best advice I’ve been given is that we can choose what to serve them but only they can choose what to eat. I’ve come to accept that dinners will likely be rejected but once they’ve had other good food that day, that’s ok. This will pass and they will grow out of it.

Sending solidarity!

I think if it's particularly the evening meal that's being refused, then try cutting out the milk. It might take a few days without it for her to then want to eat.
Also try to take all pressure off meal times - try mixing it up - eating with her friends, eating at a restaurant etc. let her see you enjoying yourselves and being relaxed around food. If she's a healthy weight, growing and meeting her milestones then she's doing absolutely fine and this will just be a phase!