Getting called homophobic by my own child?

[Disneybear]

Around about pride month my DD (born male) came out to me and I showed how much I accepted that. But recently she has been labeling me as homophobic for reasons that don't make sense? Such as when the pride parade came around they wanted me and DH to go with her on the parade however on the day we both had work and had to unfortunately decline to make it up to her I bought her one of the pride flags she wanted so she could bring it with her on the parade however me and DH still got called homophobic and unaccepting of her being trans we tried to reason with her about it but she went up to her room and didn't come down to eat dinner with us for the week after only getting food around midnight. And then when we thought it was over about a week ago she got extremely angry at DH for accidentaly naming her by her old name before transitioning (he is still getting used to it and struggles to remember DD being 15 after all) then she went on another tangent about us being homophobic and not accepting her and we haven't seen her since apart from when she leaves for school but she never says goodbye back anymore and I'm extremely worried about her behavior.
Any tips for a mother still getting used to LGBT child?

https://genspect.org/support/support-for-parents-and-relatives/
I’d look here. Some parents will be less encouraging of their children than you but all will understand what you’re going through and what a rocky ride it can be as the parents/family of a child experiencing this.

Thanks a lot I'll read over this and send it to my husband 👍👍

It sounds like she's lashing out because you couldn't make the Pride marches. I don't think it's fair for her to call you homophobic because you couldn't attend, but she will be struggling with a lot of personal and hormonal feelings in her situation. She also needs to realise that sometimes people will make mistakes with her name initially, and that it will happen less and less over time with consistency.

Does she have any involvement with other trans kids her own age, or is she still trying to find her feet there? It's not an easy thing to navigate, but if you can be as patient with her as possible, it will go a long way.

I think she may have one or two friends at school but I'm not sure if they are trans or a different part of the lgbtq she doesnt talk to us much about things at school

Maybe if you and your husband can book a couple of days off work so you can sit down with here and talk about things in a way that shows her that you're absolutely supportive of her, but that you're also learning too, and perhaps ask her to consider that it's new to you as well.

Where is she in terms of her transition? You mentioned she came out to you a month ago, so I'm guessing things are still VERY new and she might not have access to trans medical care (I don't know what your situation is obviously).

Edited because I meant to add this link for support:

Support for families of trans kids

I think I will be able to get a day or two off but DH won't as he works in hospitality. As for how far she is into transitioning she has pretty much just been wearing less masculine things, doing make up and the biggest thing in ways of actually transitioning and one of the few things she's properly talked to me about is her voice she is training it so she talks less deep not entirely sure what it's called.
Thanks for the link

There is voice training to help trans people with softening etc, but at this stage I would probably focus on sitting down with her and asking her what she wants to do long term - she is still a child. It's a very contentious issue with regard to trans health care and kids, so a gradual and informed process is best. It might not be easy, but be as gentle and supportive as you can, and firm when necessary.

It's clear that you love your daughter and want to support her, but this situation is understandably challenging. Your daughter is navigating a significant and personal transition, and while it’s great that you’ve shown acceptance, there are likely deeper emotional layers at play here. Here are a few tips that might help

Acknowledge Her Feelings: Your daughter may be experiencing intense emotions, including fear, anxiety, or frustration. Even if her reactions seem unfair, acknowledging her feelings can be an important first step. You might say something like, “I can see that this is really upsetting for you, and I’m sorry if we’ve made you feel unsupported.”

Consistent Affirmation: While you’ve already expressed acceptance, continue to reinforce your support. Small gestures like consistently using her chosen name and pronouns, expressing pride in her identity, and being attentive to her needs can help rebuild trust. It’s okay to make mistakes, but it’s important to show that you’re trying and to apologize when you slip up.

Open Communication: Encourage open and honest conversations. Let her know you want to understand her perspective better. You could say, “We’re trying our best to support you, but we may not always get it right. Can you help us understand how we can do better?”

Educate Yourself: Learn more about transgender issues and the challenges many trans teens face. This can help you empathize with her experience and respond in a way that feels more supportive to her.

Family Therapy: Consider seeking family therapy with a counselor who has experience in LGBTQ+ issues. This can provide a safe space for your daughter to express her feelings, and for you to gain tools to support her more effectively.

Patience and Space: Give her some space if she needs it, but also let her know you’re there for her whenever she’s ready to talk. This balance between respecting her autonomy and maintaining a supportive presence is key.

Your daughter’s reactions may be a combination of typical teenage struggles, the stress of her transition, and the challenges of feeling fully understood. By showing continued love, learning together, and seeking guidance if needed, you can help her feel more secure and supported as she navigates this journey.