Potty training troubles

[Snickers94]

Hi all,

My little girl turned 3 in June and we've been potty training her for quite a few months now. She doesn't seem to be getting the hang of it, which makes it really hard.

We resort to putting a nappy back on when we are taking her out, or if she is ill because she doesn't say if she needs the toilet and defaults to peeing or pooing in her knickers. I don't want her to do a wee or poo in the car or on the tube or somewhere we can't get to the toilet on time.

She talks properly and understands what we say to her, but doesn't say when she needs the potty which I don't understand??

I take her to the potty or toilet every hour and she's fine with sitting on it, but she never tells me if she needs to go and just has accidents.

Help! I work full time from home and we aren't getting anywhere with PT - how do others mums do it?

Just to add, I've had no support with this, my husband helps but he also is struggling with it, we have no health visitors anymore as they discharged us after her 2 year check. Everyone else's 3 year old seems to be potty trained.

she goes to my mums every so often when I need to go to the office and during term time uses a childminder. Childminder keeps her in pull ups and takes her to the potty every few hours.

My mum sometimes keeps her in her pull ups too but even there she has accidents and my mum is old and not as on the ball with taking her to the toilet proactively.

The issue is the inconsistency - she's being taken to the potty but she's also wearing a nappy. You're not giving her the opportunity to learn how to control her bladder and bowels because the nappy is always there so of course when you take it off there are going to be accidents. The best thing to do would be to take a couple of days of work if you can, maybe before a weekend so you have some extra time, and do the whole bare bum no nappy at home. You have to expect and allow accidents to happen. If you try to prevent all accidents you don't give her the opportunity to learn. I would suggest reading the 'oh crap' or 'gentle potty training book' and following that approach.

Yes, I did think that was a part of the problem, but then I get worried her having accidents out and about, and the fact she doesn't tell me when she needs to go even when we are home for a few days and taking her potty. Thank you for the reading suggestions!

Today I've ventured out for the first time with her in knickers!

Are you able to take a week off work to give it a really good go? She needs to be out of nappies/pull ups all the time in the day, naked from the waist down or in a dress with no knickers ideally

We have a similar situation occuring except my DS is now trained for wees. What ticked him over was leaving him naked at home. He realised there was nothing to catch the wee from going all over him.

We still use pull ups, but he treats them like pants. He won't wear actual pants at home but does at nursery. I can't help on the poo front as he isn't getting the hang of that at all.

You can contact your local Health visitor team and they will happily help, they have been great getting my DS this far. They would recommend removing the pull ups probably 😬

You have to expect and allow accidents to happen. If you try to prevent all accidents you don't give her the opportunity to learn.
Exactly this.

Bank holiday weekend is coming up, can you stay home for 3 days and focus on nothing but the potty training? Also, I’d be wary of taking her every hour. I made that mistake with DS and I’d taught him to wee on demand, which is useful for when you’re out and you need to use the toilet as the opportunity presents itself, but not to actually listen to his body and understand the sensation of a full bladder. It was better once I backed off actually. I would download the Oh Crap book and the Gina Ford book, they’re quite different but both sensible methods, then pick one and stick to it consistently.

Agreed.

It can backfire to prompt too often too. Do you need to pee every hour? I would say two-hourly is more than enough. And surely after a few months you have some sense of what her regular pee pattern is like to pre-empt things a little? All kids are different - my 6yo has always drank plenty and is a little and often pee-er still. My 2yrs 10 month old we started training one month ago and is the total opposite - doesn't drink much at all (not good, it's an ongoing battle), and stores up his wee for hours and hours then does huge ones. Eldest is also nowhere near dry at night yet whereas youngest already is.

I agree with the above - if you can take some time off work to do a full week of just pure training it might end up working better in the long run! I recently potty trained my DS who’s just turned 2 and we had to fully commit to no more nappies (we still use overnight) and went completely bare bum and stayed at home. Day 1 was horrific - I had no idea he weed so much until it was all over my floor 🙃 but each time I’d pop the potty under him as quickly as I could so he’d associate the potty with weeing - it did require watching like a hawk! By day 3 he had 0 accidents and knew to tell me if he needed it/go to the potty himself. Day 4 we introduced pants then started venturing out about day 6. We’re a month in and there have been a couple of accidents while out and about but it’s been nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I also didn’t prompt as I wanted him to learn his own toilet cues and touch wood it’s worked so far!

Thanks for all the suggestions so far. She's definitely had quite a few days where she's stayed at home and we've focused on potty training, but she's still not told us that she needs to go. I think she assumes we will take her.

Sometimes she has said she needs to go and then doesn't, lol. But this happens rarely now.

If she has an accident she tries to hide it from us, despite us not shouting or being mean about it. But she's very very sensitive to any kind of pressure, and I'm worried I may have put some on her without realising and now I have royally effed up.

We used the Oh Crap method for 2 dcs and it worked really well. You have to be prepared for accidents out and about, all you can do is be prepared for them, bring wipes and spare clothes in a plastic bag. My dd2 pooed in her trousers on the bus, it just needed a cleanup when we got home and she's never done it since.

For us it took a bit longer than a week, we wouldn't have managed just taking a bank holiday off, but I deliberately planned it during the summer holidays so her usual term time activities weren't running. But once it clicked, she got it, and luckily she seems to have taught her self to be dry at night too (we've been putting nappies on but they are always dry in the morning).

You haven't 'effed up' OP. It's totally fixable. We are all bumbling along trying our best at this parenting malarkey and everything can't always go as expected.

I just think you need some time off like a week or something and just have a reset, go right back to bare bummed basics at home, no or at least little prompting (not more than 2hrly at the absolute max), fun activities at home to keep her busy and just start again basically. Got my fingers crossed for you.

Some people do find things like bribery or star charts work for them btw. I did give my DC2 a sticker every time they got any pee in the potty for the first couple of days which he did enjoy. You know your child best as to whether anything like that could possibly help or not. Also flushing the pee and poo down the toilet, mine both loved that (DC2 still loves to flush his poops one month in).

I would take the week off but sadly I started a new job and have 2 big family events which have taken up my annual leave so I'm not able to use that and then I have exams next year that I'll need to take additional leave for. I don't qualify for parental leave yet as I'm new so can't take that off either. I will muddle through somehow!

This is day 3 of no nappies at all except at night and she's still not telling us when she needs to go but we've managed to take her every few hours. I really hope she starts telling us, that seems to be the main issue.

Do you have a partner/is the other parent around, could they take some time off?

If you're getting most the wees in the potty, and they're not in nappies, even if it's you prompting every few hours, that's going great! For some children self-initiating does come a bit later, I wouldn't get too hung up on that, if most the wees are going in the potty. She will definitely get there in time. It's just really important not to use any nappies (except for sleep).

Yes, no accidents last 2 days because we've managed to figure out when she will need to go most likely. This morning she told me she needed to go to the toilet so hopefully that means she's learning.. if she doesn't always say it I'm not going to put pressure on her.

I do have a husband but he's coming to the same events (abroad) and also doesn't have much leave left! But things have improved a little now that we've stopped using nappies, we are going for a day out today and I'm taking lots of trousers and knickers in case of accidents!