Sleepy but awake - real advice?

[Anicairt]

Hi all, ftm here and looking for some real advice about how to start putting a baby down. My fb is four months old and likes to feed to sleep - bottle or breast. And I can get him to drift off 'sleepy but awake' in my arms sometimes, but any time I try to transfer him to his crib in a sleepy but awake state the movement makes him awake and awake. I'm frustrated by people telling me to put him down 'sleepy but awake' as if it some easy thing, and then when I've asked specifically how to do this, they can't give me any answers.
I guess I'm worried that I'm doing him a disservice in the long run by not trying harder with it, but so far it has been a losing battle. He doesn't take a soother at all, and I had introduced a lovey to him but his way of self soothing with it is to cover his entire face with it so it has been removed again 😅 any experience/stories would be appreciated, and thank you so much in advance! ❤️

I'm sure the 'sleepy but awake' thing is an urban legend.... As you can tell I have no advise for you in achieving this!

I could never get my two babies to a point where they were happy to go into the cot in a half asleep state.

My first I just had to feed to a complete deep sleep, throw in some rocking for good measure then carefully pop her in the cot.

My second, thankfully was and is still happy to go into his cot fully awake and just does his own thing before falling asleep.

All I can really say is 4 months is still so tiny. I would not stress too much about sleep. Just do what you have to at this point so everyone can get as much sleep as possible. As little one gets bigger then see how their temperament with sleep goes.

You're not doing a disservice. Sooner or later all babies/toddlers learn to go to sleep on their own.

I'd say it's worth trying a few times in case you have one of the rare babies for whom this approach works. But if, as seems likely, you have the much more common version who responds by becoming hysterically overtired and wide awake, don't feel you're doing anything wrong.

There are things you can do to encourage them to be more at ease in the cot, like gradual retreat and ensuring the cot is a place they associate with relaxed, pleasant time with a parent, but even then it takes some babies a long time to get used to falling asleep alone.

I've only heard 'sleepy but awake' on here. I used to wrap mine in shawl fairly tightly and put them on their sides, but they were all good sleepers from the start.

Yep as far as I'm concerned it's a lie! Basically I took what I still consider the easy way out and held my baby until they were asleep and then put down. It just seemed less stressful and although there's always hundreds of things to do at home, I can now say I miss those cuddles. Did this until they were 3 and ready for their toddler bed and now they go in and to sleep themselves. It's really a short time and not worth stressing over if it's not happening for you or your baby x

I also agree this is a myth. My son is 4 months and he falls asleep on my chest then I lay him down.

My eldest is 5.5 years and I did the same with him. He goes to bed fine now, just fyi so didn't do him any harm

Never worked for us either. Sorry OP if that's not much help.

Just wondering where you're reading about it? Are you reading evidence based books like the No Cry Sleep Solution?

One of my four would do "sleepy but awake". The other 3..... NOT a chance!

Eldest is nearly 8. Twins are nearly 4. Fed all 3 to sleep because it worked. Didn't stop till they were over 2 years old, and didn't night wean till then either. It workes for us. All 3 sleep like the dead now.

Please don't feel bad about soothing your baby to sleep. You are NOT doing your baby any harm or preventing them learning how to sleep. It's fine to comfort them to sleep for as long as it works for you and them. With my eldest I really worried because I read too much on the internet, but you have to remember most of those websites are trying to convince you that is a problem and you need to spedn money.....

Some babies sleep better than others. Yes, you can also tweak things. Oryou can sleep train if you want to. Or you can just wait until they do it themselves naturally. By the time they are 2 and a half nobody will be now to tell. My personal preference is to cuddle/feed to sleep because it feels nice and calm to me. You do whatever works for YOU. But ditch the guilt.

yeh it never worked for me...... he contact napped till 6 months then gradually was able to go to sleep on his own around 9 months. Sleeps like a dream. 11 hours overnight and a 2 hour nap in the day. He's just turned three.

Not even. Jjust in any classes I did prenatally and postnatally provided by the hospital/paid for by local baby groups it is always said here like it's an obvious age simple solution, and then it has been said to me in the same manner but the district nurse on their visit, though they were unable to tell me how to get there! As it was mentioned so regularly I've researched it online, but I've not read the book mentioned above, so if it is a good read (aforementioned sleepy but awake aside,) I definitely will! 😊

Okay thank you all so much for the reassurance. He's not hard to get up sleep at nighttime at all at the moment - once he's in our arms! Day time is another story but he's a total fomo baby so that's to payy as much as anything. It's just mentioned here so regularly by the health nurse and in classes as a solve-all, I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing out on the big 'sleepy but awake ' button on their back 😅 I'll probably still try aim towards it in the future, but I'm not turning bedtime into something stressful for the little mite. Thank you all again for your help. ❤️

Don't forget that four months old is a notoriously tricky age for sleep too.

My baby was one of the 'sleepy but awake' unicorns. Honestly I couldn't believe my luck.....until 4 months!!! Now it's feed until a deep sleep and carefully transfer to cot.

Honestly you just have to do what works, don't worry about bad habits or whatever. Things change so much with babies once you think you've cracked it they're onto the next phase anyway.

My 4yo is cuddled to sleep but so am I.

Sleepy but awake has never worked for us. Once she could stand she would go from sleepy but awake to stood up bright eyed and bushy tailed in nanoseconds. Then it would be another 2h before she be ready to try sleep again so we completely abandoned the concept.

That only when my baby was newborn.
Until around 4.5 months we settled mostly in arms and fed to sleep for cot naps then placed down.
Then we did self settling and he grasped it super quick so not much crying for us personally (does depend on baby temprament)

Now we sing a song, kiss, pop down and say a phrase. Leave and he goes off. Naps and night.

I honestly think he prefers this because he would fight like hell before sleeping in our arms.