feel like DD (9) is developing OCD

[theweatheritsaturnin]

I don't know how common this is. My DD is starting to become very compulsive about how things should be done and extremely upset (crying, shouting, panicking) if they are not done in the way she needs them to be done. Eg, she is obsessive about her room. Everything has to be in place and in order and if anything is out of place it will upset her. Eg, food - the number and types of food she eats are now extremely limited and I have to make them in a very special way (the way she dictates to the letter, from the same shop, bought at the same time as other ingredients, and they have to be in the fridge for the right amount of time.) If presented with food that does not fit this description (perfectly normal, nice food) she will be physically repelled, look like she wants to be sick, run away. Eg, at school she is very diligent. She obsesses over work, not necessarily with the perfection of the work, but the completion of it. Getting it done and productivity is her obsession, so she will work and work and scrap the paper and work again. If she asks when we're going out and I say "about half past two" she will set the alarm on her watch and when it goes off she will expect to be leaving, or she'll get upset. It applies to other things too - the list is long. If she can't do something, she will spend hours practicing until she can - not eating, not really communicating until it's done.

I have not driven her hard at all at anything. If anything, I came from an academically obsessed family and was pushed very hard into the perfectionist box and suffered as a consequence of it. My DCs happiness is so much more important than anything else and I have deliberately put them in a school which prioritises pastoral care over academic results and I have always made it clear that there is no expectation of perfection, I just want them to be happy.

The school is worried about her, she will cry in the middle of class if things don't go the way she anticipates, and school have given me access to counselling for her. Getting her to go to these sessions has been excruciating. She will be up all night knowing it is coming the next day, crying, screaming, panicking and then not going to school the next morning.

I have got her to go to two sessions and I am trying to get her to go to more.

Please could you help with some advice about where I go from here?

I would start with a GP appointment.

I would look into strategies to relax her and take her mind of things. I'd also ensure she gets plenty of fresh air and exercise.

Regarding the potential OCD, I would look at Exposure and Response prevention.

Have you discussed autism with school? It’s often mistaken for anxiety or OCD but would answer all your concerns. Autism can present very differently in girls to how many people stereotypically think of it.

Your dd sounds a lot like one of mine was at that age.

She is now 14 and has got a diagnosis of autism.

It wasn't something I had considered beforehand, it was actually the counsellor that dd had that suggested getting an assessment done. It did take a while, so if you think it's something that's a possibility I would get the ball rolling now.

It's really tough op 💐 I've definitely found as time goes on me and dd have our routines and signals and things go along OK wrt to her ASD because of the little things we have put in place for her comfort.

Sounds like the counselling is not helping. If it's making her examine her feelings and she finds that difficult or intolerable it will potentially be an additional stress on her.

With her perfectionism and difficulty with cognitive flexibility, how is she socially? This could potentially be female autism and the "OCD" reflecting a need to feel in control of aspects of her life because all the expectations she places on herself is too much. It would obviously also be useful to speak to the GP and maybe get a referral to camhs for OCD symptoms.

I would also get a book called "what to do when you worry too much" by Dawn Huebner which uses CBT principles - it's partly a workbook and partly for sharing and reading. There's a series of "what to do" books and they are all very good.

Sounds like the counselling is not helping. If it's making her examine her feelings and she finds that difficult or intolerable it will potentially be an additional stress on her.

With her perfectionism and difficulty with cognitive flexibility, how is she socially? This could potentially be female autism and the "OCD" reflecting a need to feel in control of aspects of her life because all the expectations she places on herself is too much. It would obviously also be useful to speak to the GP and maybe get a referral to camhs for OCD symptoms.

I would also get a book called "what to do when you worry too much" by Dawn Huebner which uses CBT principles - it's partly a workbook and partly for sharing and reading. There's a series of "what to do" books and they are all very good.

My son had ocd type behaviours. He was later diagnosed with autism.
If the counselling is causing her this much stress could you look elsewhere? Perhaps a cbt type therapist?
We had to work on delaying the time before he did whatever he needed to do, very gradually increasing the time until the behaviour was no longer carried out. It's taken the best part of a year but he says he doesn't have those thoughts anymore and I don't see him carrying out the behaviours so hopefully that will give you hope.
The right therapist will be crucial I'd say.

Good luck. I know how distressing it is to see your child so upset!

I’m so happy to hear you aren’t pushing her.
I don’t know how you grade in the UK, but here in California, it’s A (the highest) and then B C D down to F (which is rarely given.
My mum would constantly and consistently demand excellent grades from me, telling me that if I got a C, I could get a B and if I got a B I could get an A. Every damn day she recited a stupid “good-better-best” poem that I came to despise.
The pressure I put on myself was astronomical. In fact, I made myself sick. I couldn’t eat or sleep and it made me HATE school.
When I did get all A’s, I excitedly showed them to my mother and she said, “Great - maybe next time you can do just a little bit better.”
After that I stopped trying. I stopped caring.

The one thing I discovered when I was 18 — and please don’t laugh — that really helped me was yoga. Not the poses or exercises, but they teach you how to breathe properly and to concentrate on your breathing. And while you’re concentrating on breathing, you magically forget about all the other crap that’s going on in your mind and your life.
Maybe you could find a mother/daughter yoga class and try it.
She’ll be okay - she has you.❤️

I have OCD and I would say this doesn’t classically fit OCD. I agree about possible autism. People with OCD tend to focus more on completing their own rituals (tapping the wall 3 times before going through a door, I’m making a big simplification here) than controlling what others are doing in that environment. There are purely obsessive forms of OCD, but that’s more where people think they’ve killed someone and don’t remember doing it and obsess about all the bad things they think they’ve done but haven’t.

This to my (very amateur) opinion sounds more like anxiety/something on the autism spectrum. I think the GP is definitely the right port of call.