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I can't take it anymore.

10 replies

Layla2000 · 19/08/2024 14:13

I have relatively recently given birth (about a month ago) and the father to him left me just 2 days before. I have managed to make it a month in but I really can't handle it anymore being alone and having to deal with a newborn child is hell Im unemployed and barely making enough money to stay in my house I need some help from experienced mothers and I hear about this website from a mum I was talking with I'm really hoping someone can help me out with some tips on dealing with a new born baby.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Layla2000 · 19/08/2024 14:40

Bump

OP posts:
similarminimer · 19/08/2024 14:42

Sorry to hear this. Please contact your local health visitor and midwife team who can offer professional support. Also contact your GP who can refer you if you dont know how (maybe also food bank if you are struggling financially). Do you have a 6 week check booked in - pls do tell them you are struggling.

Singleandproud · 19/08/2024 14:44

Home start is another great organisation to contact for support.

What exactly are you struggling with?

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sadabouti · 19/08/2024 14:46

It's not just mums on here. Dads too. Give yourself time to adjust to your new reality. Take whatever support you can, and don't be shy about talking to the dr if you think you are developing pnd. You will be a great mum and your baby is lucky to have you.

muggart · 19/08/2024 14:47

That is incredibly tough, what a loser to walk away 2 days before the birth. is he paying maintenance?

Women aren't really supposed to do this all alone so go easy on yourself. Is there any family who can help? Don't be afraid to ask them.

In terms of managing... remember "the days are long but the years are short". It feels endless when you're in the thick of it but it gets much easier relatively quickly.

And congratulations on being a better parent than your ex. The fact that you're doing it at all should give you confidence!

anonhop · 19/08/2024 14:48

One day at a time- one hour at a time if need be. Sending hugs x

veritasverity · 19/08/2024 15:11

You should be due your six week check soon, raise how you are feeling with the our GP, or if you have a weigh in clinic, raise with your health visitor, you could have postal natal depression....hormones are right buggers, add in the sleepless nights, and overwhelming exhaustion it's not surprising you're feeling overwhelmed.
Do you have any family you could stay with for a bit, who'd be able to give you a bit of TLC, and maybe hold the baby long enough for you to nap?

As for advice:
You've just given birth, your body has had to move mountains, or at least a baby! Only do the very basics, don't feel guilty if you don't wash up immediately after having a cup of tea (which is probably cold and half drunk!).
Your baby doesn't need clean clothes every day, so don't bust a gut trying to get the laundry done.
Is your little one breast or formula fed? Either way, don't feel guilty for sitting down and feeding your baby if s/he is a 'slow' feeder, be cool with that, and try and enjoy that time, rather than seeing it as a chore.
If s/he cries a lot, and you know your baby isn't hungry or needs a nappy change, then give yourself permission to leave her in her cot, she's safe there, and babies, like adults, sometimes cry when they are tired. Crying for hours, then talk to your health visitor or doctor, to check there is nothing physical causing hours of crying.
Try and nap when he naps, again ditch the guilt. Remember to eat and drink, especially if you're breastfeeding.
Don't worry about hoovering, ironing or anything which requires any extra effort.
Money wise, talk to your health visitor, there maybe a benefit you are entitled to. Is the father paying maintenance? If not, once you're in a better place, look into this.
Can you get online deliveries? That might be easier for shopping, although I appreciate it tends to be more expensive.
Look at any groups going on, when mine were young our local church group did a weekly 'eat, meet and grow group', where lunch was provided in the church hall for all mums with babies and preschool children (you didn't have to be a Christian and there was no preaching or any signs of it being run by a religious group...other than being in the church hall). I know a number of groups stopped and never restarted after covid, but it's worth checking your local area.

You're allowed to not be enjoying being a parent, it's a hard slog, but it does get better, and it does get easier. I shudder at the early days, and have no wish to ever go back there. FlowersBrewCake

Singleandproud · 19/08/2024 15:13

In terms of practical things

If you can fill your cupboards and freezer up and your medicine cabinet. If you have family that are too far away to help supporting you practically with a food shop is an easy way for them to help out. Iceland do free delivery for £25 of shopping which is less than other supermarkets. It's worth having long life milk in for when you can't get to the shops too.

Sleep, sleep when baby does, go to bed early just rest when you can. CoSleeping if you are comfortable with it is a game changer.

Routine, get in a routine for chores but also getting out the house. Put a wash on whilst cooking which you can hang on an airer overnight to dry.
Search for baby groups in the area, the are just as much for new mums as they are for the baby and toddler get you out.
The library is great for groups like this as are local churches even if you aren't religious.

Feeling like an adult/own person
Have a radio or podcast chattering on in the background, hearing adult voices really helps you not feel lonely.
Go to Mum and me cinema screenings occasionally

Financial
Make sure you are claiming everything you are now eligible for and put in for CMS too.

similarminimer · 19/08/2024 18:04

@veritasverity words of wisdom- you sound very kind and practical

similarminimer · 19/08/2024 18:05

And @Singleandproud

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