How to get DS to release while on the toilet?

[notworthanything]

Currently attempting to potty train DS. He is 3, and I know some will say we should have done it earlier but we tried and he screamed like he was being tortured.

His understanding and speech is very good. He wants to wear nappies still, and constantly asks for them throughout the day but he is willing to sit on the toilet (with toddler seat) or potty but he just can't release any wee. He will sit on there for ages, even when I'm saying it's ok to get off, he desperately wants to do it I think, but just can't. He then wets himself.

We have tried stickers, sweets, promise of a toy, pants of his choosing although he won't actually wear them, he will only wear shorts. Tried blowing bubbles, reading books, running water, special game on my phone. It's been days.

Any help or advice to get him to let go of the first wee?!

Put a ping pong ball in the toilet and let him 'shoot' wee at it! Worked for my friends reluctant toilet user!

Read the oh crap book, ignore the bit about his age and night time.

You’re doung it backwards. He doesn’t know how to wee on demand. That’s the bit he needs to learn. He needs to start by playing naked, summer is ideal if you have a garden and when he starts to wee, say quickly run to the potty. At the
momemt he has no idea that the sensation he feels when he starts to wee is weeing.

One of my boys had this dislike of wees without a nappy we gave up on the potty for a bit one night he did a wee whilst in the bath I think the nice warm water eased it along. He was fascinated by the pattern yellow wee made in the water. We then moved to a toddler seat for the loo. Bought some target floaty things and if he sat right at the back of the seat he could see the wee hitting the targets! Great entertainment for the discerning male toddler it seems 🤣

Ah thanks, I will have to grab some ping pong balls/targets!

He absolutely won't go naked. He will cry and cry until he has shorts on. Even when in a nappy, he insists on having bottoms on too. When he is going in his nappy he will sometimes stand still and say "I'm weeing haha" but not everytime. I'll download oh crap thank you

My DD was like this, absolutely refused to ‘let go’. I stopped stressing about it and let her take the lead (she just turned 3 at the time), within a couple of months she basically potty trained herself and it was much less stress for both of us!

Have you tried pouring warm water from a jug over while he’s sat on the potty?
other than that the ideas suggested above are definitely worth a try

Forgot to mention in the OP we had tried pouring warm water on him. I was hoping he would take the lead and get it when he was 3 but no such luck! He is 3 years 3 months, but starts nursery in September so I really wanted it to be sorted. It's in a school so not even sure if they will take him in pull ups?!

@notworthanything My DD started school nursery at 3 years 4 months and they were fine with her being in a pull-up. After a week they told me to put her in underwear, she had a few accidents but was to be expected. Seeing the other kids going to the toilet and not being in nappies/pull-ups encourages them too.

Ah thanks, that's really helpful and gives me hope. I did think he may need the peer pressure of seeing the others do it

When I started potty training both my sons I used this kids urinal. They absolutely 💯 loved it. If they aimed at the middle, the frog's tongue spins. They loved standing like big boys (helps if they see daddy use the toilet standing to get the idea). They loved it as I put it at their specific height and they could lower their nappy themselves, use it and go on about their day. After, I started using the seat over the toilet because they too hated sitting on the potty. I would then given them the ipad to watch something and they would use it. I will attach pictures below to both items I reference above from Amazon. However, I will emphasize on this, they must be ready. One of mine was ready by the age of 2 years 6 months the other at 3. People will say I potty trained mine before 1 or by 1....good for them but every child is different and like a mum once said to me: who cares what age they get potty trained, don't worry, you never see any grown men in nappies so who cares.

Forgot to add hang the urinal from the wall with a 3M hook.

Cheerios work as a good target. Throw a few in and he can try to hit them. And then can just be flushed away.

Invite as many friends with kids already using potty/toilet round to play as you can. Ensure drinks are plentiful. Let him copy.

How is he at holding it in when he's not wearing nappies? My DS (who was also 3 at the time, and very reluctant to potty training) was similar but he was pretty good at holding it in so I put him in pants, then waited until he looked fidgety and uncomfortable and then got him to sit on the potty. It was just no good trying to get him to go until he was really desperate. Took a few days to get the timings right but once we had cracked the first few things got much easier. I got better at timing it right, and he got better at letting go. He also initially kept asking for nappies back in a really sad voice and I felt horrible, but had to keep explaining nappies were now just for bed time.

I might try this with my dd who now says she 'needs the potty/toilet' a lot when she doesn't want to go to bed, or wants to come with us to the toilet 😆

We're not even potty training atm as she wasn't ready when we tried.

Thanks for the thread. My ds is starting playschool in 1 weeks time and they absolutely will not take him if he's not potty trained. I've tried sticker charts, rewards, everything and nothing has worked. I've pretty much given up hope at this stage.

Is the Pooland app still around? It's a story about using the toilet. Ours used to love watching that when sat on the potty. I think I knew it word for word at the time.

Shorts but no pants if possible.

Singing works for mine - if they think too much they can't relax. We ran "tinkle tinkle little wee" (twinkle twinkle little star) - they made up the words after the first line.

Dont sit for ages. Have a go, if it doesn't happen day never mind and just get on with things. Tell them to go if a wee wee starts to come. If they start to pee say "hold it", grab them and run!!! They need to recognise the feeling of needing a wee, which they don't get except by starting to wee. Be out in the garden a lot for the first 3 days!

This.

We started potty training my son about a month ago. He will be 3 in October. He had this issue at first too, would happily sit on the potty for ages but nothing would come out, even when he clearly needed to pee (e.g. not peed in 4hrs, grabbing himself, dancing/walking about on tip toes). What seemed to make it click was basically him just naturally starting to pee himself and us both realising and me going uh oh, the wee needs to go in the potty and quickly taking him to the potty. Initially I would pick him up and plonk him on it, potty was always in the room we were in. After a few accidents and a few goes of this he then started realising, stopping the flow and then getting settled on the potty and then resuming the flow of wee. That's when I knew he was finally getting it. And then it was just some more practice then to go from that to him realising before he was about to wet 'i need the potty' and going and releasing there from the start.

Ask him to blow out slowly. Try holding your finger or feather out for him and asking him to do a long, slow blow. It helps with release.

Thanks for all the replies, I forgot I started this thread!

We have still had no luck in the toilet or potty unfortunately. We do shorts, no pants as he refuses to wear pants (he chose). He can hold it for ages, hours even. He desperately wants to go on the toilet, he keeps sitting on the potty himself and doesn't want to get off the toilet. I will re read all the posts and reply properly tomorrow