Been dealing with 12months of verbal and emotional abuse from the father of my 1yo DS, pretty much since he was born everything changed. Getting sworn at or snapped at in the night if I asked him to feed or change baby, refused to let me leave the house one night when he was drunk and overall just despicable behaviour but follows the same pattern where he's lovely for about 6 weeks then it all happens again.
I've ended it, but because both our names are on the lease and house options rarely come up in our village (very very rural), he is technically still living here. His friend has said he can stay for as long as he needs in their spare room but he is coming back every morning and night to get his stuff and despite us agreeing to a schedule where he does bath and bedtime for DS on certain nights and one day at weekend, and then we have space - he said last night he still plans to do this (coming to get his stuff and get ready for work each day and hanging around at night until bedtime so he doesn't inconvenience his friends). I know he has the right to do this, but it just feels like he's agreed to give me space and then changing his mind to exert more control.
He has this thing where he gets really angry if I don't stack the dirty dishes by the sink the way he likes it (shouting, arguments etc) when I prefer to just you know, WASH the dishes when I have time when my son goes to aleep). And last night when he did DS bedtime I came in to find my dirty dishes from lunch all stacked neatly - it felt like he was making a point but maybe I'm reading too much into it. He gets angry when I ask for just 2 days of space where he takes a couple of days worth of clothes and says I'm being unreasonable. He also says if he moves away for work he'd keep his name on the lease and his stuff here (because his work accomodation is furnished) and expect to be able to stay at the weekends but I don't know if he is saying that out of anger and frustration or if he means it. He keeps getting angry and saying "you're just trying to erase me out of your life" etc.
Is it common for abusers to refuse to leave? Do I need to start looking at moving away? I'd be at least half an hour away from my whole support system and my family, who are a short walk away from the house.
Any thoughts and advice appreciated.