Toddler behaviour..is this normal?

[Doughnutforme762829]

Hi all,

I have a 24 month old DS and I’m struggling at the moment. I am a very anxious mum so I imagine I am making things worse but I find myself fixating on my toddler’s behaviour and worrying about things like ASD. I just wondered what is just normal toddler development and what isn’t. My brain is not a nice place to be atm.

Things that make me worry about asd:
He has just started doing this thing with his fingers as if he is pulling his middle finger back with his index finger. Mainly when he’s running etc and not much if he’s just playing.
Until about 22 months he would line things up a lot, however this seems to have stopped.
He’s a runner, loves to run. Has started to stop if we call him and come back now.
His running is good and doesn’t fall over much but he doesn’t keep his arms down so much and they seem to move a lot.
He hates loud hand dryers, but ok with lights/motorbikes etc.
Is very shy with some new people, takes around 15 mins and then will ‘warm up’ to them, chat etc.
Will say hello to other children and play alongside them, but not more than that.
Is a fussy eater, but likes fruit, celery, pasta etc.
Throws his toys sometimes and has started hitting us if excited etc.
Likes to be on the go and doing things, doesn’t sit still for very long.

Things that reassuring me:
Likes to pretend play with his toys, make his dinosaurs eat and run. Puts the baby with the mammy etc. Makes them roar and say hello to each other.
Absolutely loves babies, is very sweet with them saying hello, stroking.
waves bye and hello.
Points to things he wants.
Is very loving.
Is very playful, loves waking us up if we’re ‘asleep’ and is very mischievous.
Can now identify when a character is sad in a book or someone is sad (trying to teach more emotions).
Adores his older cousins, loves trying to tell them things and play with them.
Is great with language, loads of words, now saying 5+ word sentences and understands a lot.
shared attention is great.
Does ok with change, we recently went on holiday and although he didn’t like the pool so much, he was happy enough and slept great.

He isn’t in childcare yet as parents have him while we work.

Thanks :)

He sounds very normal. I wouldn’t worry at all.

And I say that as a mother of 3 and someone who has worked with young children.

Sounds very normal to me too. My DD went through a phase of crossing her fingers at that age as a bit of a nervous reaction I think. Still does it every now and then a few years later.

Sounds normal. My DD has ASD it is not the end of the world if he has it. He will be what he will be and either way you can only love and support him so try to enjoy every minute of him.

Sounds absolutely normal to me.

My kid is a slight bit older (2 1/2) and does a lot of similar things (takes 10m to warm up to new people, plays alongside rather than with other kids, loves categorising things) but I’m not in the least bit concerned. I’ve been told it takes them a while to actually play with other children rather than just in their company, nursery or other socialising environments will help that if/when you decide he goes

Sounds completely normal.

Both my DDs were quite shy with new people and wouldn't say hello etc. Also both scared of hand dryers, DD was so bad at one stage we had to use disabled toilets with her in case somebody used the hand dryer in the main toilets.

They are older now and not ASD or particularly shy

Thanks for taking the time to reply all. Much appreciated. It's so hard to know what is what being a first time mum. :)

Your list of worrying things is a list of entirely normal and age-appropriate behaviours :) Lining things up is a normal behaviour (precursor to counting) . Your little boy sounds lovely.

All sounds very age appropriate, including lining up toys.

Are you seekimg help with your anxiety? Having children can often make it worse.

Autistic traits are exactly the same as normal child development until they continue beyond an age appropriate time.

My autistic DD hating hand dryers and the hoover was totally normal at 3 particularly considering how loud and close a hand dryers is to a three year olds ears, her still think they are the work of the devil and refusing to ever use toilets with them unless she has her noise cancelling headphones on at 15 is not age appropriate.

If your child has autism they have it, there's no changing it, there are more effective ways to parent and those methods work on all children so are worth a try but unless your child has learning difficulties on top of autism there is very little help out there so there is no point in worrying. By all means keep a note of unusual behaviours somewhere safe like his red book in case you need them and perhaps start saving so you can bypass the lengthy NHS wait and go private if the traits start impacting his life massively but otherwise just watch and wait, until he hits 5/6 when he should have naturally out grown some of them.

The surest way to know whether it's autism or not is to look back through your and your partner's family tree, chances are people won't have been diagnosed but we're there any 'odd bods' those who preferred to be alone or failed or strained relationships, those who excelled in logical things like maths and physics or were fantastic at art, any one who was very knowledgeable on specific things, collected things etc autism is largely hereditary so if there are no signs in parents or the wider family it's less likely.

I've had some counselling, but yes thinking about potentially trying some medication and some more therapy, as my anxiety can be hard to manage at certain points. Children absolutely have made it worse.