Struggling with 2 year old

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DD has just turned 2 and I am really struggling with parenthood. She can be very sweet, and is very chatty and sometimes is lovely. But when I’m out with other parents and their toddlers the same age she is always the “difficult” one. Wondering if anyone has any advice for any of these issues:

• she goes to nursery 3 days a week but as soon as we go to soft play, a playground or anywhere there’s other children she will scream in the other children’s faces if they come anywhere near what she is playing with. I’m always trying to explain to her to share and never let this behaviour slide but taking her out for a morning can result in her screaming at children twice her age until they run off crying or looking scared! She doesn’t stop when I tell her off and doesn’t respond to threats of being taken home. Even a child going on the swing next to her swing will lead to her screaming at them.
• Still won’t go to sleep on her own most nights. DH or I have to sit in the room with her until she falls asleep. When she was a baby she fell asleep on her own fine at bedtime but since about 15 months she will just cry and cry if we try and leave. We are both working full time and this means we get about an hour in the evening to eat dinner and chill out or do anything that needs doing! She also wakes at 5:30 in the morning.
• Very demanding. Doesn’t want to go in the buggy. We also live in a block of flats and have had a problem with a neighbour on our floor harassing us so I can’t just put her in the buggy screaming and crying and try and leave because I’m on edge about the neighbour coming out. Kicks us quite often during nappy changes. Just generally says no to a lot of things.
• Has developed some kind of phobia of birds and screams any time one comes within about 3 metres. Might sound minor but twice this week it has caused issues when out. The first time I had to ask friends we were with if we could eat lunch inside instead halfway through them eating their sandwiches because she was screaming and crying constantly at a nearby duck!

Not sure if it’s relevant but I strongly suspect I have ADHD (seeking diagnosis) and I’m wondering if it’s too early for me to be wondering about neurodiversity. Wondering if this behaviour is typical of 2 year olds or something more is going on? I’m really struggling with it all and then feel guilty for not enjoying being a parent.

Sounds typical 2 year old. My 4 year old won't go to sleep by themselves yet

Personally I wouldn't say that was typical 2 year old behaviour... The phobia of birds is a bit of a flag on its own with how quickly it's popped up. Have nursery raised any concerns with you? How does she play with others while she's there? Is she the same at quieter activities with you?

My 6yo had some pretty epic tantrums leading up to his 2 year review but covid meant it was done by videocall and he went under the radar. He started school and was almost immediately referred for autism. The waiting list is awfully long though and we're still waiting

Sleep training wise, my son went through a patch when he was 2.5ish where he was terrified of sleeping on his own. It was just me and him at that point so after about a month of sitting in his room waiting for him to go to sleep I did the controlled crying method of sleep training. He'd cry and I'd go in after a minute, reassure him, settle him and leave. If he cried again, wait two minutes, rinse and repeat. The first night I think we made it to 7 minutes, the second was about 4 and then he went back to sleeping beautifully by himself. It's definitely doable and there are lots of methods to try if you don't like the sound of that one

It might be nothing but equally if you have concerns it's better to raise them sooner rather than later. If she's referred and nothing comes of it then that's great but if she's diagnosed early it'll be a great help for getting her the support she needs later on 💐

Sounds fairly typical to me too. Mine grew out of it eventually.

We got a sudden phobia of bees with ours at that age, so that seems normal. The screaming at other kids is the only that stands out. Do you follow through on threatened consequences? Nursery may be able to give you a balanced pov.

Thanks everyone! From the sounds of it it’s probably too early to tell if it’s just typical toddler behaviour or possibly more to it.

I think I definitely need to follow through on consequences more often. I do sometimes but need to be doing it every time. The most difficult part is the screaming at other children as I’m getting so many looks and comments.

I wouldn't jump to thinking she has ADHD.

I would:

-Sleep train her. There's no need to be with her until she sleeps. Nip that in the bud now.
-Don't try to explain to her that she has to share at just turned two years old. That's irrelevant and you might as well be talking to a brick wall.
-Do remove her the second she screams in someone's face. That is unacceptable and there's not a chance in hell I would allow my child to do that. Tell her a firm "No. We do not scream at people" and remove her as a consequence. She screams at other children, the fun stops immediately for her.
-Ignore the bird drama. If it's somewhere you can move her away from them, do so. But with minimal interaction. Ignore the dramatics completely.

sorry for the late reply @Yourethebeerthief I’ve only just seen this.

thanks for your tips. I think you’re right, I need to be a bit stricter. We removed her from a few places for screaming and it seems to have done the trick for the most part. Now just need to tackle the rest…

• Have you asked her why she screams at the other children and give a solution? But if soft plays aren’t working just stop going for a bit.
• Sleep issue was normal for both of mine. The oldest is not a good sleeper but my youngest is. From my experience it’s no indictation of the future.
• birds. Get a special hat and say it protects her from the birds
• TV or phone for nappy changing. It will only be for another 6 months or so.
• Tell her she can have a snack as soon as she gets into the buggy.