Baby number 2

[Jade97]

How did everyone know they wanted another baby? I was always adamant I wanted 2 kids, our first daughter has just turned 3 and she is and always have been a dream but since having her I really cannot decide if I still want a second baby and I feel like I'm running out of time to decide if I want to have a second within our timeline plans. I would love to be pregnant again, have a snuggly newborn and for her to have a sibling but then when I really consider it, I think... do I want to do night feeds again, making it work with child care and our jobs, finances? Going on days out and holidays works so well we can do so many nice things, spending time as just adults is so easy now too, do I want to give that up? Is having another baby just so our daughter has a sibling enough of a reason? I feel so so confused and just think, if we did want another baby definitely then we would just know that not be unsure? Help a girl out!

I should add, my husband feels the exact same as me!

You would know if you wanted it. Sounds like one is the perfect number for you. Enjoy your lovely kid. Siblings aren’t all they are cracked up to be. My mum was one of 4 and nit close. I am an only and very happy. DH and I will only have 1.

I'm in the same boat kind of my 1st is only 10 Weeks and everything I prayed for I was always adamant I would have 2 for there sake as I'm an only child and it's fine when your a child but as your parents age it's a huge burden . But now that I've got my daughter I really don't know if I could do it all again and I'm only 10 weeks in !! She is a great little thing but who ever said the newborn stage is the easiest to was lying

Yeah I've felt like this basically since she was born, I did have bad post natal depression so I put it down to that but I'm in the best place I've ever ever been and I'm so happy I just don't want anything to change that, I think I just wish I'd had a better pregnancy and birth, maybe that's what I'm looking for the second time round rather than actually wanting to have another baby x

Yeah I'm not that close with my brother and my parents aren't close with theirs either, I think sometimes it's other people's expectations crossed with sometimes I just want a newborn snuggle but then be able to hand them back lol

Oh to hell with other people’s expectations. Be the best parents you can to the child you have. That should be enough for everyone and if it’s not stuff em.

@otravezempezamos Thankyou ❤️

I was one and done and only planned to have one dc. We came into some money when she was 3 and then decided to go for no.2. It meant that many of the arguments against having no.2 were solved, eg we can still enjoy great holidays, school fees, house big enough for a room each. It doesn't help with splitting your time as a parent though, and it's still a juggle despite using some childcare and DH being very present and hands-on.

I enjoyed the newborn and toddler/preschool age though so that had never put me off. It has been quite easy for me, it helps that the age gap was almost 4 years and the eldest was in nursery when youngest was born, and was close to starting school.

@pelerian do you think you would of stayed at 1 if you didn't come into the money? Of course I would love any baby with my whole heart I just don't want to have regrets either way if that makes sense x

I think you would know if you wanted another. After DD1, I couldnt imagine ever wanting to do it all again- especially as she was in NICU and then I had PND. By the time she was 18months, I knew I wanted to have a second and so did DH so we went for it and DD2 was born just before DD1 turned 3. You might decide to stay at 1. Or in a year's time, you might decide to go for another and have a bigger age gap. I think you can only make the best decision about what is right for you as a family in that moment and you just have to try to trust your instincts.

I was one and done before I had a child. Then I had my LO and almost instantly I wanted another. I was feeling grief I guess at never being pregnant again or getting to do it all again. I would see the midwife’s and feel grief and nostalgia. I’d drive along and think I remember when I was pregnant being here, or I remember us walking along her and pushing the pram. You get the gist but I suppose for me it was all consuming. I’m older than you at 36.

my timeline has not got to plan in any sense. I’m an older but very grateful Mother. I think life works on its own timelines and it sounds like right now you’re happy and maybe that’ll continue or maybe a bit later down the line something will change your mind. Follow your feelings and all will work out xx

I decided I didn't want a Baby 2 because the only positive reason I had to want one was to give my child a sibling. And as someone who loathes my sibling and dreamed of being an only child, even that wasn't a convincing argument.

I do believe love multiplies when you have a second. But nothing else (time, money, patience) does, and I just don't want to spend my life tearing myself between two children when I'm perfectly happy with one.

You don’t have to decide yet though. I was adamantly one and done until he was one. Then I spent the next 18 months convinced I did want a second after all. We even tried for two months. But then I realised that I only really wanted another for silly reasons (wanting to “redo” a bad mat leave, staying a part time SAHM for longer) rather than wanting an actual second child. Once I realised that emotionally I really really didn’t want a second child, I was able to also accept the logistically reasons that I was in denial about before.

I've got 2 but always knew I wanted 2. I've suffered with depression and eating disorders most of my adult life and after having DD I had quite severe post natal depression. We went on and had DS and although I found the newborn stage tough again, he's now 9 months and they have the best sibling relationship and things are getting so much easier in some ways (although he is crawling everywhere and into everything) On the other hand, I'm an only child and loved it. I never wanted a sibling and was perfectly happy playing by myself. So I guess what I'm saying is you have to do what feels right for you. Don't feel pressured into having 2 because it's the 'norm' but if you do really want 2 it is such a short time when they're so dependent before things do get easier I think.

Yes, I think I probably would have. We had a comfortable lifestyle with holidays when we had just one, and I can give my eldest so many opportunities like extracurriculars and trips out. Would not have wanted to cut back on that with a second child.