Hi all,
I have a 4 year old daughter in nursery and a 10 month old. I am due to go back to work full time in 2 months.
My partner is a lazy father - he hardly helps with the children and also now fails to provide financially. His only source of income (rental income) is now gone as his tenant has defaulted and they're in eviction proceedings. He refuses to get a normal job and since his tenant defaulted in April he has been borrowing from me and his parents. He couldn't pay my daughter's nursery fees last term, leaving it to me to cover it. He borrowed £4k off me, and still owes me £2k. We have next term's fees to pay in 2 weeks, and it is doubtful if he will be able to pay his half. I am due to go back to work soon, which means a nanny or nursery for my 10 month old son. He has said he can't afford to contribute to a nanny or nursery and his alternative is relying on a different family member each day to care for my son (which in my opinion is unstable and also unrealistic). He is not able to look after them himself even for 2 hours (he constantly needs "help"). I will need to dig into my savings to fund a nanny to ensure both children have the proper stable care.
This is all going to cost me thousands and thousands and there is a real risk he will default again on nursery fees and not pay his fair share of childcare expenses. I could soon spiral into debt trying to fund this all.
I have told him that if he doesn't get his act together by the end of August, I will be giving notice to the nursery and I will be moving in with my mum (there is no space for him) with the kids and they can go into more affordable full time nurseries. I don't want to separate and split up the family, but the finances are worrying and I can't wait forever for things to change. We have also been at my mum's for the past 3 weeks (without him - he has just about managed a visit once a week for 2 hours long) and it's been amazing and I am so happy here, and sleeping so well as it's a big house.
He has parental responsibility and has said quite clearly that he doesn't consent to taking our daughter out of nursery as he thinks it's unstable. He can speak very seriously and I feel backed into a corner so I'm scared he might take me to court if I do anything he doesn't consent to. But what about the fact he has no income currently and has already defaulted? I need to protect my own finances, welfare and children's welfare.
Should I give the notice to nursery in September, and move in to my mum's in January? I can just about meet the expenses of a nanny for 3 months, plus next term's fees if it all goes pear shaped.