Do all little boys like to hurt?

[Poppychick]

DS is 16mths old and is what I think of as a typical boy - boisterous, noisy, climbs, likes muck etc.

He also likes to turn games into toy fights when he can and last week headbutted DP really hurt him. DP winced - DS just laughed and tried to do it again!!!! He likes grabbing my nose especilaly if I scream or try to run off, sometimes I think I can see him smack DD or me and laugh but it's not clear.

Do all little boys do this or is he turning into a thug?

No, they don't. I hope you manage to find a way to explain to him that it's not right.

I try using a firm NO and walking away or pretending to be upset but he's not really bothered.

Maybe when he's a bit older I can use something like a reward chart more effectively and reason more - well that's what I'm hoping. Don't get me wrong he doesn't do it constantly but I don't want it to escalate.

Perhaps if he gets no reaction at all a complete blank or a quiet "no" accompanied by immediate 5 minutes separation from you/his toys/in his room/in his cot?

Not all boys do it, but I think that many do like quite agressive play. So while I would try and stop it I would not worry that he is doomed to grow up as a thug.

Nooooo - Ds was distraght last night that he had accidentally poked me in the eye - all boys aren't ruffians - I would just go over the top cover your face and pretend to cry until they get the message that they have hurt you and it isn't very nice!

Some girls like to hurt. Mostly at that sort of age it is related to curiosity TBH. You need to be firm with him and explain at his level and eye to eye that it is not acceptable. And if he does it again to have some consequences as stuffit said...

I think boys, but also toddlers generally, don't want to hurt, but they do want to have an effect - that is, they love it when the do something and see that it has results. That's why there are all those toys with buttons to press, that's why toddlers pull things apart and throw stuff on the floor, and it also explains why kids love intereactive museum exhibits etc. They just love having agency. The more obviously and immediately you react, the more fun it is and at that age they don't have the empathy to uderstand that they have hurt someone else.

I really don't think he's a thug - just normal - but IME you have to be very firm and consistent and it takes ages to get the message through. My DS (nearly 3) is very boisterous and often hurts us, though usually not deliberately. We always tell him clearly and calmly that it hurts and he has to say sorry and that if he does it again there will be a consequence (eg if me and DP are both there, the one who has been hurt will go away for a bit and come back after he has calmed down and apologised - or if he is throwing something about it will get taken away etc.).

I would never smack him or do it back to him, but I do try to point out that if someone kicks him or pulls his hair etc then it hurts - he sometimes even tries this out on himself! - and I think he is now starting to get it.

Also playing with his cuddly toys seems to really help him learn empathy - now if they fall down he will kiss them and ask for medicine for them etc. I try to encourage all that!

Thanks, glad I'm not alone in this and now have some idea how to continue dealing with it.

I don't try to do things back to him ever either.

I agree with Snowleopard and think she puts it very well.

Your little boy doesn't want to hurt people, and at 16 months, has no concept that he is.

Try very very hard not to react, and if he does things that hurt, like hit or pinch, just calmly pick him up and put him away from you, make no eye contact and don't speak. he will quickly learn that it is an action that gives him no entertainment and isn't worth it. meanwhile respond very animatedly to hugs, kisses, stroking, gentle touches.

Thanks Blu - you have reassured me a bit more!