Mother’s negative talk in front of a child 6-11 years old

[Dreamymermaid]

Good morning,
I am new here and wanted to throw this out to the wider parenting community. I am a teacher (no children), who teaches private lessons to adults and children, (Maths). I have been teaching a student (female) from age 6, she is now 11. I teach her at her home. My concern is that her mother has always openly discussed adult topics in front of her. When I arrive or leave, she will start talking to me about all manner of negative subject in front of her child. This has notably been after my joyful Christmas lesson, her talking about the neighbours child whose mother has cancer, to adult friends who are going through a terrible divorce, to violent news stories in Syria, Gaza and Ukraine, to her own worries about her health, to all manner of problems with her family and friends. All unedited, all highlighting her fear, worry and anger at the world. All in front of her little girl. Each time I have told her that we should talk about this in another room, or ‘let’s go in the garden’ but she says it is no problem. She took her to the Anne Frank house at the age of 7 and the daughter learnt about the Holocaust. Now the little girl, now 11 suffers from anxiety. When we are together she is worried her father will die before she is an adult (her father was 53 when she was born, now in his mid-60’s). She cannot sleep and worried about everything. She is also highly intelligent for her age, probably because of her older parents and she has 17 year old and 21 year old sisters. Both have boyfriends that stay over and she says she hears everything. One of her sisters has joined the Army and my 11 year old student is convinced she will die in combat, because she hears her mother talking about it in front of her.

I am just utterly against the way she has been exposed to such adult issues so young. I am convinced that this has led to her anxiety. I feel that all of this together with, the COVID lock down and the advent of social media and constant news, that her mental health is suffering.

My main point is the conversations that she witnesses from her other on a daily basis. I never heard my own mother discuss her fears and anxieties in front of me at this young age. She was so strong and capable, and I believe this led me to be a strong, confident woman. I just fear for this little girl’s mental development. I must add that she is very safe, very loved and has a truly charmed life in all other respects.

I would be interested to hear any opinions from parents on this subject.

Well it certainly won't help her anxiety. The poor girl. Having said that I have absolutely no idea what to do.

With all due respect, this isn't your problem. You may not like it, but it's not abuse.

Also, by way of context, my ex husband strangled my daughter repeatedly and neither Social Services nor the police did anything to protect her. No one is going to care about a mum oversharing.

Oh dear. I am very sorry to hear that. Terrible. Thank you for replying.

Also, by way of context, my ex husband strangled my daughter repeatedly and neither Social Services nor the police did anything to protect her. No one is going to care about a mum oversharing

That's horrific. I hope your DD has access to therapy

Yes I know, difficult. Not abuse but just saddens me. Thank you for replying.

Thank you. Don't want to hijack the thread, but I am getting her private play therapy.

Everyone views this as an argument between me and her father.

But anyway, it's a sad fact, but parents get to raise their kids however they like as long as they don't leave marks.

How very sad. I actually disagree with previous posters and would consider that anxiety most likely caused by the conversations and actions the child is exposed to is a form of abuse. Why deliberately expose your child to such things? I dont, of courses , think for one minute anything could be done about it. it's shit parenting though.
I don't think you could do anything really, you've suggested taking conversations elsewhere but this obviously never happens

At eleven she's at secondary school so probably exposed to a lot worse from peers.
I have watched the news and been spoken to honestly about current affairs from a young age. I'm fine and as an adult work in an environment lots are not resilient enough for. The personal stuff admit the neighbours is probably an over share. This is definitely not a social services matter!

It’s a tricky one. It sounds like this mother is sharing too much, but it’s not easy to shield children from all discussion of these issues. For example, I am pretty sure I knew what the Holocaust was by age 6 or 7 - my parents didn’t seek out the information but it came up in places and I was a curious kid. Sometimes not being forthright with children also gives them a chance to fill in the missing information with their imaginations and wildest fears.