4 year age gap positives please

[koalabearboombox]

I'm newly pregnant with #2, DS is 3.5 and will be 4y2m when baby arrives. We had always planned a 4y age gap and never felt worried about it until I met all my mum friends on mat leave 1 and they all had their kids between 18m and 3y apart. One had hers 3.5y apart and was devastated they were not closer.

For a number of reasons I'm glad we have this gap for both mine and my DHs sake, but I am starting to worry I've made a horrible mistake and deprived my kids of childhood playmates.

Can anyone share their experiences of kids with this gap from school age to teens and adulthood? Does the sake of a year or two really mean a worse relationship?

Mine are 3.5 years apart and they love eachother a company. As soon as you gest could walk they played together...they also fight but that's OK. I can happily take them out without inviting any of their friends and know they will have lots of fun together.

3 year 11 month gap here and I found it to be just right - my two are opposite sex but have been close throughout. Second child often matures a bit quicker and so I found my two have a lot of fun. It was perfect for us because I got some one on one time with baby while eldest went to nursery, and he got a break from his sister as well.
FWIW I don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect age gap, you just make the most of whatever happens. Zero guarantee your kids will even get on. I see children close in age constantly fighting over things so that’s why it wasn’t for me but to each their own!

Mine are 4 years apart, 18 and 22 now, they get on brilliantly 😊

Me and my sister! Get on like an house on fire and always have except the time she trapped my head in the cupboard when I refused to empty the dishwasher when it was her turn to do so! She was 4.5 when I was born and her life got dramatically better ever since then!

I am 4y4m older than my sister and we always had such an excellent relationship that that's a large factor in why we've got a similar gap (DD1 will be 3y10m when DD2 arrives).

Mine are five years apart, both grown up now, they get on really well. We've just all been on holiday together and it was lovely. I think a big gap is good as they both get more of a chance to be their own person. Also, as a mum you don't have to do the baby/toddler combo!

@ramsayboltonshounds @Muteswan love the sibling perspectives, thank you! This is mainly what I want to know - I know it will be better for us as parents (apart from finding things they want to do etc) but worried about impact on my kids. This makes me feel better!

@thedevilsavocado that's lovely to hear. I've seen many do the toddler/newborn thing and I absolutely would have survived it!

We have a 4yr10m gap and our second is now 9m

Honestly think, for us, it's the perfect age gap! Our eldest is old enough to understand; going to school; loves helping with her baby brother

I recommend 4-5 year age gap to all my friends

Also means I've been on maternity for her first year of school and able to give her full attention for such a big year in her life which was ideal

Four year gap here - it's been fine they (two boys) get on brilliantly

My two are four years apart , now adults . My DS was always protective of my DD when she was born , loved helping me to do things for her...........apart from the nappy side ! They've always got on well .

I only know 1 family like that. All grown up now. On the whole it is fine.

My girls are 4 years apart (almost exactly - 3 day window!) and it's been great. It was deliberate as I knew I wouldn't cope when they were tiny - and dd1 didn't sleep for years. Plus, well before having kids I'd seen SO many sets of close in age siblings tearing lumps out of each other/not remotely close as adults.

Dd1 wanted a baby sister for ages and was ecstatic when she got one and genuinely helpful. Obvs depends on any child's character, but she adored having a little dolly to look after - once dd2 had her own ideas it was less peaceful lol.

No regrets at all here - they've never been in direct competition, they're v v different people with different skills but with 4 years between them both are happy to stay in their 'eldest/youngest' lane. Whether they'll be genuinely close as adults is down to personality rather than age gap imho.

I have a 5 year age gap between mine and I think it was great. My eldest started school the year mine youngest was born, which meant I had the full 1 to 1 baby experience with both of them. Got to go to baby groups and classes without a toddler to entertain (at least 2 of the classes would not have allowed me to bring an older child). I was on mat leave during eldest’s transition to school. And we got a good year plus reprieve from paying for nursery, which made life a lot more financially secure. We also had extra years to build our careers in between so neither of us held back career-wise because of dc.

There really haven’t been any negatives. My dc are now 11 & 6 and they do play together sometimes but also have their own friends and activities. They do bicker a lot, but no more than any siblings.

I'm middle of three. There's 7 years between me and older sister and we have always got on. I have a fond memory of her educating me on deodorant and body odour which I doubt would have happened we a 2y gap!
I have just under 4year gap with the little sister. We didn't get on as kids because she used to be violent with me and my mum sat and watched. Once I went to uni and I had a break from being hurt we got on better and I was able to guide her through life and tutored her through her AS maths. We are now all very close. I think if my mum hadn't let me be her punching bag we would have got on better as kids. It was nice to go through each phase of life on our own but with people around who had come out the other side. We didn't have siblings doing GCSEs and AS levels whilst doing our A levels like some of my friends and my parents were able to provide financial support through uni which would have been harder if we were at uni at the same time.

My daughter was 3 by the time we felt ready to try again. By which point 5 of 7 from our NCT group had had a second and the other wanted a second but fate had other ideas. It then took 8 months to change my meds. I then miscarried. My daughter is 4 so we are now looking at closer to 5 year age gap if successful. It isn't for everyone but my daughter has allergies and reflux and they take a lot of time to manage and we had to feel able to manage those and potentially another baby with allergies and reflux before deciding to go again