Is it normal to feel “territorial” over my baby?

[Stephisme]

Sorry for the length but it’s nice to get this for my chest without judgement.

Am I weird/should I be concerned over feeling territorial over my baby? Since he was born I have HATED when my partners family hold my baby or even ask about him. At the beginning I thought it was because they didn’t pass him back immediately when he cries. I’m not sure if it’s because I find it overbearing the constant “ I love him so much” “I miss him” “when can I see him” and constant kissing him. But since having him I want to peel my skin off when I have any interaction with them! I don’t feel like this with my family or friends,’possibly because I feel comfortable to say jokingly “give him back now” whenever I want, I don’t feel I can do that with them as I know they would judge me/talk about me. I feel anxious as we’re going away with them soon and I’m going to feel so upset the whole time. Is this weird or a symptom that there’s something wrong with me?

thanks in advance

Yes, I think it's normal to feel territorial. How old is your baby?

since having him I want to peel my skin off when I have any interaction with them!

This seems a little extreme though.

Can you get a sling? That way he's less accessible? Or let them hold him when you know it's close to a feed, so you can feel like you have a "legitimate" reason to ask for him back? I don't think you need a reason particularly, but I understand what you're saying about not feeling comfortable asking.

Yes it's normal to feel territorial ime

Wanting to peel your skin off is extreme though

Your partner needs to yell them they need to give baby back as soon as you ask though

How do you feel about your partner holding him ?

I felt exactly this way after I had my first. I honestly didn’t feel comfortable with anyone holding my baby and felt very anxious and upset about it. I was particularly bad with my in-laws and would dread them coming round and wanting to hold her. I would grit my teeth and smile etc but it filled me with such anxiety.

I do think it’s quite a primal response. A cat would be very anxious of you took her kittens for too long.

I think the best thing to do is acknowledge your feelings and accept them but to accept that family members should get a bit of time with your baby who they love. This does come with boundaries though and they should never walk off with your baby or hold them for too long.

FWIW I was far more relaxed second time round.

It is normal to a degree but you sound quite extreme in your descriptions which may be for dramatic effect ofcourse.

I think you need to ask yourself
Do they love him?
Will they put him in harms way?
And also because he is your PFB, if I had more than one child would this be an issue? I imagine territorialness decreases when you have multiple children to juggle, I only have an only but looking back to her younger years I can tell I was very upright about things that in the long run were inconsequential.

Good I love my partner and feel comfortable to jokingly say “gimme back” when I miss him or he’s sad, same with my family! I enjoy watching them togehter

Thank you this was really helpful

Thank gou this was really helpful!

weekend away done and wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, still difficult at times and still got the mama bear instinct but I made it through and even enjoyed some of it! Thanks for the kind words and not being judgey over me being a bit crazy! X

Yes and No.
Your behaviout is really at the extreme end.
Hormones are everywhere and its a weird time.
Its really really worth remembering it wont be like this forever and honestly you cant have enough people to love your child.
You have to meet people halfway... more oftent han not the women who insist on "our little bubble" and my baby my rules are the ones complaining their mil couldnt be arsed coming to their kids 3rd birthday.
If you are pushed away often enough ypu stop bothering.

I hated my mil holding both my babies so would leave ly dh to supervise and essentially find a reason..any reason to leave the room ( make teas, do some laundry, pop to the toilet WHATEVER) and make a point of saying "just going to do X while i have 5!!!!".
I found that soooo much easier than sitting and watching her...😒

Oh OP 💐

Welcome to the world of parenthood - first lesson, you can never do anything right. I felt the opposite (NOT territorial at all - keep him as long as you like 😂) and got so many weird side eyes and concern. As long as you're not going full mama bear, scratching peoples eyes out, I think you're doing just fine.

I literally could have written your post. This kicked in for me once my baby was around 4 weeks old, and I have to say I do still feel a bit like this 8 months on. I am a lot better but I still find it difficult with some family members. I don’t have much advice, but I hope it gets better for you as I know it can make you feel a bit awful 💐 just to note though, if your baby is crying and you want to take them back, then you absolutely have the right to do that. People not giving my dc back when she’s crying would make me anxious and just make it 10 x worse for me, so you kind of have to be assertive sometimes in just taking them back. Sending hugs! X

Normal I think. This faded for me as time passed.

It’s not extreme at all, it’s your mother instinct kicking in. Follow your intuition, you don’t need to share your baby. It’s YOUR baby.
Just say ‘LO is comfortable here right now’ when they want to hold them. Your baby, your rules.

It's not territorial it's protective and has its roots in evolution and survival to keep our babies attached to us!

Don't jokingly ask for your baby back. Be assertive. Put your own and baby's needs first.

Absolutely normal and healthy to be feeling territorial but you have to handle it well. I second the previous poster who mentioned a carrier, this was a game changer for me and means I only pass dc over when it suits me, it stops the initial assumption that dc will be handed over immediately. If you're feeling uncomfortable about dc being kissed (as I did) there is nothing wrong with saying something like "have as many cuddles as you like but no kisses please, there's so much going round at the moment". Do the above with a smile on your face and I'd be surprised if anyone even tries to challenge you but if they do then stand your ground, you're the mum and your dc is not a doll so it's your job to protect them.

I felt this too. Completely understand, op. It's alarming how strongly you can feel. Your description is spot on.

It was made worse by certain family members refusing to give my ds1 back to me even after a couple of hours or if he was crying. So I dreaded visits too.

I think it's normal. Instinctive and very very powerful. I mean, biologically we are meant to reproduce so nature has made us very fierce when it comes to our young.

It got better as ds1 got older and could vote with his feet. And then when dd came along, I asserted myself more over taking her back to me which helped.