Returning to work and full time child care

[newmumabouttown]

I had my baby boy in February and will be returning to work on 30th September. I’ve got a crazy amount of accrued annual leave so planning to do 3 day weeks in October, four day weeks in Nov/Dec with two weeks off over Christmas, then roll lots forward into next year. I’ve secured a nursery place for end of September five days a week. He has his settling in days the last week of September.

I was planning to go into office on the 30th September then work another two days that week. Now I’m wondering if I should take that full week as holiday, and put LO in nursery each day but maybe just for a few hours so he gets use to it. Essentially, extend his settling in week by a week.

Eventually he’ll need to be in nursery 8am - 6pm for husband and I to work and it’s breaking my heart. I never expected to feel like this - I was all “yay working parents” before having a baby but now I just hate the thought that he will be with someone else more than me each week. And essentially when I pick him up, it’s basically bedtime.

I can work from home two/theee days a week so in reality I’m hoping maybe I can collect him at 4pm most of those days, then I can always carry on working after he goes to bed if needed.

so please….share with me your tips and experiences. How do I make it a smooth transition for him? How do I get over this guilt?

I know it will be an amazing socialising experience for him.
I know he loves hanging out with other people when I go off to do things and get childcare help from family.
I know I want to earn this money to give us all an amazing future full of adventures and security.
I know I feel sad.
I know I need a break from 24/7 time with him.
I know I miss him whenever I get that break now (even just going to cinema last night I missed him - and I was NEVER a baby person!)

I hear you- the guilt of leaving my son in full time childcare has never left me. I am angry that modern society has made it necessary for households to need two incomes to get by unless you earn a particularly high salary. I'd say make the most of all the times you can collect them early if working from home and talk positively about it to your little one.
Some of my savviest friends have a work set up where they both work 4 days a week (full time hours compressed to 4 days) and have one day off with the child each. It depends on many things, above all your employer agreeing and being open to flexibility but may be worth considering?

I think the first week (and particularly the first day) are the hardest, but you will be surprised how quickly you (and DC) slip into the new routine.

From that perspective, I would suggest not following your plan of taking the first week of holiday - you will likely be sat at home fretting about it. If you are working, you will have things to take your mind off. Being able to use your accrued leave to break in more gently is a great idea!

My kids have both been in full time childcare from 1 years old. 730am to 430pm (with the odd later pick up).

For the guilt - I spent a lot of time reminding myself why I was doing what I was doing. Even now I have to remind myself sometimes when I hit a rough patch.
I went back full time (first time around) as part time meant I wouldn't cover nursery fees and we were not in the position for me not to work. Now I do 30 hours a week (over 5 days). Again the other options of less work time are not financially viable.
I potentially could not work but it would mean no car, no activities for the kids, no holidays, no days out etc. What is the point of being at home with children all day if you can't offer them some of the things in life that we would want to? We also wouldn't be happy with such a paired back lifestyle. My husbands family live in Australia so being able to save for a trip there every 3 years is a big part of our life.

My biggest advise - don't expect him to settle until he is full time properly. My eldest did part time for 3 months then full time. He struggled to settle until he was full time. My youngest went straight to full time after the first week and was 100 times better at settling. Still hard for a few weeks but less drawn out. Try not to worry to much if they cry and drop off and pick up. Usually they will be find 5 seconds after you leave.
Try and get a good relationship with your child's key worker. I got an amazingly well with my sons key worker for babies and pre school. She is now my daughters key worker in toddlers. It made life so much easier. Being able to have discussions about things at a more than strictly professional 5 min handover level really makes it easier.
Initially its hard when you pick up and pretty much dinner and bed when you get home but it does make the weekends more precious. Make the most of that time and do things that reflect that. It does get better as they get older and you can push out bedtime a little esp on a friday night. We use to do move night friday night, stay up a bit later and have some lovely snuggle time.

I try to collect early in school holidays. Although I have my son at home (when I have time off) I tend to still send my youngest to nursery but collect her earlier than normal. The stability is great for her and I'd had to pay for it anyway

You lower your standards on household jobs so you can spend time as a family at the weekend. You have bank-holidays, annual leave and could take parental leave too. You'll get into a routine and he'll enjoy childcare.

I went back 4 days, with WFH 2 out of 4. It was a sweet spot salary drop
wise though, a combination of dropping a tax band, a pension contribution band meant that when nursery cost was considered I was actually better off than staying 5 days.

DD was 13 months, I initially intended to go back at 11 months but I wasn’t ready so I extended it and used all my leave in one go.

There was a huge change in DD in that interval, she didn’t seem so little by the time I went back and it was fine. I wasn’t ready before she was 1. That might be worth thinking about.

I had my LO in December. Started settling in beginning of August for September return to work. I'm glad I did. My plan was to do 3 morning to begin with, then work up to 3 full days (annual leave to work 3 days sept/Oct, 3 days nov/Dec).

I got called to pick baby up after 3 hours each day so far. Because he has been on complete food and water strike with them. They can keep if upset, not if no water, especially when 20 plus degree days. It's hard. We've broken the food strike 2 weeks in, still working on bribing to drink with fruit juice. They have remarked just how stubborn he is 😅.