Obesity in children

[Westside1]

i would appreciate advice on how to deal with a situation. My 9 year old daughter’s best friend is very overweight and her mother seems to have no boundaries when it comes to sweets. Obviously my daughter loves spending time with her as they are great friends but she gets so many treats there. I do give my daughter treats but try to limit them as she has a little weight on also but not much. Yesterday I collected her friend and was bringing them to a football match along with my daughter and another child. I was driving and they were in back seat. They were eating jellies but said they just had a fun pack each. My daughter was really hyper all evening, when I checked back of car I realised they had eaten 2 big packs of jelly’s, 2 share bags basically. The equivalent of 500 calories each, a third of their recommended calorie intake. I asked my daughter where her friend got the sweets and she said her mum brought her to shop on way to meet us. I’m absolutely fuming, but have to be very careful what I say as I’d cause a row. Has anyone been in similar position with a friend. I was going to say my daughters behaviour was really effected so I have to limit her sugar intake or can anyone else offer guidance.

It’s all about balance. As long as it’s not a regular occurrence the occasional overload of sweets won’t do your DD any harm. Re: calories you are massively overthinking for a 9 year old.

Maybe stop the car next time and take a look at amounts - you could say something like ‘you girls can share one packet between you and take the other bag home for another day’

Great advice

I'm sorry OP, but I would be putting my DD's health over this friendship. From your original post, this is clearly not an occasional treat, but part of this poor girl's daily routine, and like you, I would be concerned about the impact of that on my own child. I think you do need to speak to the mum and ask for the sugar to stop (along the lines you suggest would be a start - say how you're concerned on the impact it has on her behaviour and so want to limit it. I personally would also mention the need for good health for my own DD, but aware this is sensitive). Alongside this I would also be speaking to my DD about healthy choices and why sugar should be a 'sometimes' food and not an 'every day' food. All this should be (and can be) done without any value judgement, as it's about fueling our bodies for growth in a healthy way and sugar has only a limited place in that

I only recently googled how many calories how many children should be having. I’m all for balance but this is constant.

I would say to friends mum that you’ve noticed too much sugar causes your dds behaviour to worsen and she gets very hyper so please can she not have sweets/sugar at their house.

There is no evidence that sweets/sugar do not make children hyper at all, your dd's behaviour would have been caused by excitement of the day.
Experiments have shown that it is also parent's expectation.

I've heard this before BUT you should see my kids after sweets. It is not a coincidence.

@bruffin but this isn't really about the impact of sugar on behaviour, this is about a slightly overweight girl being friends with a very overweight girl whose parents feed her too much sugar. The impact on behaviour can be used as a polite way to try and address this issue with the mum involved, although I would be more frank about it myself. Becoming obese in childhood is setting up your child for a lifeltime of issues. As is emotional feelings around food, so I would be looking to do this as value-free as possible (which is why the concept of 'sometimes' and 'every day' food can be helpful - there's no good or bad there). But at the end of the day, I would be doing my utmost to stop my child being harmed and too much sugar and exposure to being obese, is harmful