Desperately seeking some advice so please be kind.
I’m slowly coming to accept the fact that I’m the child of emotionally immature parents. Consistently throughout my life I have been subject to the silent treatment where I’ve had to apologise - even for things I don’t believe I needed to apologise for. My feelings have never really been validated if the hurt has been caused by my parents and I’ve carried an immense amount of shame and guilt throughout my life.
When these ‘blips’ aren’t happening, I normally have a very close relationship with one of my parents (the other is an enabler, and joins in the silent treatment) I viewed her as a best friend of sorts. It’s a very Jekyl and Hyde situation.
Over a week ago, one parent did something that hurt my feelings considerably and I challenged them on it. I expressed that I was very upset, to which I was told in so many words that I took it the wrong way. Cue a week of silent treatment. Admittedly I didn’t reach out either but I’ve been almost paralysed with aforementioned feelings such as upset, confusion and guilt that I may be overreacting even thought I’m trying to be strong for once in my life and acknowledge and validate my feelings that I am allowed to be upset.
A few days ago we held a small gathering for my DC’s birthday (they are under 5 YO) and I knew they were coming. I spent the entire day (the day of the birthday) sick to my stomach wondering what reaction I’d get. To cut a story short, I was blanked by both parents who spoke with everybody except me. I swallowed my upset and tried to carry on for the sake of my DC. When people started to leave, one of my parents (the enabled) went to hug me goodbye and for the first time in my life I refused to be pacified and declined, informing them that they hadn’t spoken to me for over a week. Then in front of my DH and in-laws he said to me “you should behave then.” Both parents then left. I excused myself at this point and cried in my garden.
I vowed to myself a few years ago that if this thing happened again, it would be the final straw. I don’t want this to impact my family or continue to impact my already poor mental health. I’ve woken up this morning with a lot of anger and am genuinely considering NC. I want to have a relationship with both of my parents, but whenever there is conflict and I am ignored, it erodes a part of myself each time and I don’t want to put up with it ang longe, for my DV’s sake.
I guess I’m looking for any advice or similar situations or a handhold. This is unfamiliar territory for me and part of me still feels like a child (I’m well into my 30’s) desperate for their validation and the situation to blow over so life can carry on as ‘normal’ but another part of me feels like I HAVE to distance myself now.
thank you to anybody that read all of this.