Should I have a 3rd

[MoMA89]

I have 2 amazing kids, 1 of each they each have their own room they are 5 and 2 so will be 6 and 3 time of 3rd one birth I'm worried if this is going to be good for them for all of us I'm happy but very anxious and I don't want to be selfish I don't know if having another baby is the right thing to do my dh thinks that it's going to be to much and will put our family out of shape we are happy with 2 but 3 I just in two minds here

Had my 3rd 2 months ago, I really wasn’t ever sure if I was doing the right thing the whole way through, didn’t feel overly excited during pregnancy, was dreading starting all over again (mine are 10 and 7 so big age gap). I can honestly say I’ve never felt more complete and in love. Siblings adore baby as do we, the missing piece we all never knew we needed. My heart feels so whole ❤️

good luck!!

There was a survey here on MN a few months ago about this. Maybe you can find it. Nearly 80 per cent said that although they loved all their dch, if they could go back they wouldn't have the third.
Like you, I have a boy and a girl. They're grown up now. I think life is probably easier and cheaper with two. But you have to decide (both of you!) what's right for you. I'm glad I didn't have more, for the sake of the planet as well as me personally.

I have 1 of each same and gap as you op and honestly couldn't think of anything worse than a third baby.

I take my hat off to people who have 3 or more (my friend is expecting her 4th) but for me personally it's a no way situation and I'm very happy dh got the snip.

So many reasons (like each kid having their own room) but the main one is that I really, really struggled when he youngest was a baby. Mentally and physically. Sleep deprivation hell for 11 months and PPD. When I was rock bottom I sobbed to a helpline that I did not know how to live another day. It was such a dark time and I simply cannot risk that happening again to me.

Also it's such a roll of the dice in so many ways e.g could be twins.

Youngest is a toddler now and life is very happy and I wouldn't change a thing. I love having 2.

Age not and

Although fortunate enough to be financially comfortable, cost was still a huge factor in us deciding not to have a third. As well as all the 'needs', I want to be able to take my current two for days out; on holidays; and to support any hobbies they may have and I felt like having a third would really compromise that for them, which didn't feel fair. At 3 and 8, they also need my attention in different ways at the moment - my eldest might need help with homework etc whilst the youngest is simultaneously demanding the typical attention of a threenager! I can't actually imagine then trying to be pulled in a third direction and still being able to support them physically, mentally and emotionally as much as I'd like.

we debate this a lot! we have two, 4 and 2, and part of me wants another but most of me doesn't. DH feels similar. I couldn't tell from your post, are you trying to decide or expecting your 3rd?

Yes. The more the merrier.

I have 2. I just can't imagine a 3rd - I feel I spread myself thin as it is. Factor in it could be twins, could be high needs. Just not for us.

However, doesn't mean it isn't for anyone. Are you pregnant already? If so, how did you feel about a 3rd pre-pregnancy?

Are you already pregnant?

If not, I'd say no. Your DH is happy with 2 and you say you're in 2 minds. I think you both have to be 100% yes to TTC a third child. You should both be certain to conceive any child obviously, but I think even more so for a third.

Different conversation if you're already accidentally pregnant of course!

Have you fully considered the impact of a 3rd child - financially, in terms of sibling relationships and what you can give to each child.

Have you considered all eventualities - for the possibility of the child having additional needs or for you having post natal depression and how that would impact your family, how you would cope if you had to manage all 3 children alone or if you/your partner lost your jobs?

Over on a cost of living thread people are saying how difficult they are finding paying for activities/food/living costs for their families - and the majority of people saying it are families that have more than 2 children.

We had a surprise 3rd and honestly it was scary whilst pregnant but as soon as they were here things just felt complete. Would not change it for the world.

My dh thinks will ruin our lifes and I do feel it will turn everything upside down but I can't help but feel lost on what to do I'm pregnant very early 4 weeks the thought of abortion just breaks my heart but my other 2 kids are a handful and the oldest has said would love a baby sister however that can't be 100 the case I'm just so confused

@MaJoady I am already pregnant was a complete shock
I have endometriosis I thought I was lucky to have my 2 naturally me and dh been together 13 years im 4 weeks nearly 5 according to my dates clear blue says 2 weeks
I just don't know what to do 😭 I feel guilty already even questioning my self 💔

Sorry but no if I could go back I wouldn't have had a third.

@TomatoSandwiches
I'm currently just found out I'm 4 weeks there is so many factors telling me no like I have one of each
They have their own room
Money
Balance
But I also have this ache inside me telling me that I have been blessed as I have endometriosis and thought I wouldn't never conceive naturally and iv now been blessed for a 3rd time.
abortion is someone's right and if that's the choice other make I support that but breaks my heart just thinking about it I have so much guilt and I feel so lost on what to do dh said will ruin our lives but respects what I decide but I'm in 2 minds my head is a mess I have got bad morning sickness from 1 week before late period aswell but I just thought I was being hit travel sick as was on holiday 😭

Our 3rd is having his morning nap atm. Wasn’t planned either but my goodness, he is the biggest blessing to us all. His big brothers absolutely adore him and it really feels like he was needed in our lives, even though we didn’t know we needed him ❤️ We’ve just purchased a 4 bed house so they can all have a room each and you will maybe need to consider a 7 seater if your others are in car seats too, otherwise it’s a bit of a squeeze. Holidays etc are all more expensive but you just make it work somehow 🤷‍♀️

As one of 3 I say no, I always have a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach when a friend announces she is pregnant with a 3rd, feeling sorry for the children involved. I had incredibly involved parents, with a SAHM and a very involved father, money wasn't short and we were given every opportunity in life but still being one of 3, there just is never enough time for everyone and there is so much competition with siblings for parents time and attention. There is also a weird dynamic of who is the "favourite" (even when parents do not encourage it) between the oldest, the youngest or the one sibling who is the single gender, there is also middle child syndrom which is very real. I ended up having an only child as I struggled with the sibling dynamics and lack of time and attention so much growing up

@Aug12 we have just got our new 3 bedroom house no chance I will be moving again!
I thought that 2 being 1 of each aswell I didn't need anymore and with my health I don't think it was possible my endometriosis scaring is extremely bad I had to have surgery for some to be removed back in November last year as 2 lumps was promanant though my skin I really didn't think it was possible gyno even said it's a miracle I had my 2 naturally symptoms are flooding in even before late period

I'm very sorry you are in this position, I also dreamed of having three, always wanted three but it really has been the biggest family planning mistake, it's not something you can take back and you still love them but it has had negative agents for every single one of us including our two eldest, that kind of guilt is awful to live with also.

Sometimes I do but I've quite literally just made it through the thick of it and my 4 year old is finally starting school this year. My second was a terrible sleeper for ages and finally goes through the night now. I love babies and the idea of a third is lovely but do I want the sleepless nights all over again? Absolutely not

@juicydroppop see my daughter was born very poorly we almost lost her and my son he is non verble and being assessed for autism I just feel like I will be a lot to deal with but I can't help but feel now I'm in this situation even thought right now it's just a cell that's still my baby apart of me 😭 I haven't spoke to anyone cos I'm 1 of 7 by mum was 1 of 8 my dh is 1 of 5 his mum was 1 of 15 lol and I know everyone will be delighted for me and will not even think about the cons even my friends will not understand my conflict I'm in I feel alone in this in 2 minds

I feel for you! The fact that you’re already pregnant makes everything more complicated. It’s hard I’m sorry. But you really have to think about it thoroughly. Since your son has additional needs will you be able to give the support he needs? And your daughter, how is her health now? I’m afraid I have to say that having a third would make things extremely difficult for your family. Good luck !

OP children are a blessing from God. This was meant to be. Anxieties are extremely natural, but this is a baby, people are sounding so harsh and it breaks my heart. To say they didn't want their third child is gut wrenching to read. Please do what's right and keep it, whether you believe in God or not it's not right to "get rid" of something so natural and AMAZING. ❤️ I'm sure you will be absolutely fine and you'll look back with no regrets. This is life, life is about reproducing, no one said it's easy but when you're a grandparent you'll be so happy with the family you've built. Stay strong ❤️ and don't take negative comments in, please.

@spongelover, you are absolutely entitled to believe what you feel is right, but this doesn't mean that you can present your beliefs to someone else as fact. The OP deserves to make whatever decision is best for her circumstances and hers alone. Saying 'I'm sure you'll be fine' is neither helpful nor relevant, as you (presumably) don't know her and therefore it is impossible for you to make that call. Bringing a baby in to the world is a monumental decision and task and, in my opinion, not really one that can be brushed over with 'oh you'll be fine'. Perhaps she will be fine, but she deserves the opportunity to make the decision that is best for all involved, free from judgement and guilt.