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Feel I crossed the line...

14 replies

txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 14:47

Hello. My daughter has been having some problems with an old friend at school. Last year, she became good friends with a boy in her class. She was really sweet to him and a good friend to him. He had lost his best friend at the time and shortly after bonded with my daughter. When him and his friend rekindled, he started being really mean to my daughter and alienating her. He would go out of his way to pick on her and make it well known he didn't want to be friends with my daughter anymore. Apparently this has happened with a couple of other classmates too which he turned on them in the same way in regards to the same friend.

I stayed out of it until my daughter came home crying too often over the same kid being mean to her. It also broke her heart how she was such a good friend to him and he treated her badly for no reason. I never confronted the boy myself, but when I went to have lunch with her one day at school, I did give him "the eye". Since then, my daughter says he got meaner and it's because of me doing that things got worse. At the time I also contacted his mother because it continued and they pretty much stayed away from each other for the most part.

We had meet the teacher at school this week and we saw the little boy. The parents were friendly, but of course this little boy had attitude and gave me and my daughter the "go to hell" look and was just overall rude. My daughter says I played a big part in why things never got better and I feel terrible because I don't want things to be hard or akward for her because of me. Any advice?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MintTwirl · 14/08/2024 14:51

How old are they?

twomanyfrogsinabox · 14/08/2024 14:54

Whatever you do in these situations will be wrong, intervene and 'you made it worse', don't intervene and you feel like you should have done something or something different or better. Bullying is so difficult to deal with and teacher's really don't seem to be able to deal with it either because they can't force children to be nice to each other. No advice really, but many of us have been there.

Sheelanogig · 14/08/2024 14:58

How old?

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txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:00

MintTwirl · 14/08/2024 14:51

How old are they?

They are now in 4th grade

OP posts:
txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:00

Sheelanogig · 14/08/2024 14:58

How old?

They are now in 4th grade.

OP posts:
txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:02

twomanyfrogsinabox · 14/08/2024 14:54

Whatever you do in these situations will be wrong, intervene and 'you made it worse', don't intervene and you feel like you should have done something or something different or better. Bullying is so difficult to deal with and teacher's really don't seem to be able to deal with it either because they can't force children to be nice to each other. No advice really, but many of us have been there.

Right?! Bullying is such a sensitive topic and I don't want to be that overbearing mother or make things harder for my child, but I also cannot sit back as it continues and do nothing.

OP posts:
Turophilic · 14/08/2024 15:02

You rang his mother to discuss the friendship fallout between two 9 or 10 year old children?

That is getting too involved

txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:05

Turophilic · 14/08/2024 15:02

You rang his mother to discuss the friendship fallout between two 9 or 10 year old children?

That is getting too involved

I did. Not right off the bat, but when it continued and he got meaner yes I did.

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 14/08/2024 15:10

so 9 or 10 years old? i thought you were going to say your DD was 15 or 16! good lord, what a carry on over kids falling out.

they will all be friends again next week! I'd worry about the intense friendship and emotional connection she has with a 9 or 10 year old!

and yes, you well and truely overstepped the mark.

Turophilic · 14/08/2024 15:32

txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:05

I did. Not right off the bat, but when it continued and he got meaner yes I did.

You have a word with the class teacher if it’s disrupting your daughter’s school experience.

You talk to your daughter about how to negotiate difficulties when friendships go wrong.

You don’t ring his mummy to tell tales, for goodness sake. He’s 9 or 10, you shouldn’t be getting this deeply involved in spats between children.

JollyGreenSleeves · 18/08/2024 04:31

What a horrible experience for your daughter. I would definitely make sure the school are sorting it and are aware. She shouldn’t have to put up with his behaviour. He sounds like he has problems.

Edingril · 18/08/2024 04:47

txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:02

Right?! Bullying is such a sensitive topic and I don't want to be that overbearing mother or make things harder for my child, but I also cannot sit back as it continues and do nothing.

So your need to do something outweighs everything else?

Bullying gets addressed by the teacher you stay out and listen to your child But them first not you

MumblesParty · 18/08/2024 06:57

I assume you’re American. Is 4th grade the same as year 4?

Tattees · 18/08/2024 07:53

txusamom82 · 14/08/2024 15:05

I did. Not right off the bat, but when it continued and he got meaner yes I did.

I’m going to disagree with everyone else. Have been through this recently. If you knew the mom well enough to ring her then it wasn’t overstepping at all. If your child is continually coming home upset and it’s continuing over a long period then something has to be done. It affects their mental health and their self confidence. We spoke to the school, who tried their best but the bullying was happening outside school too. The school did have a program for kids who were being bullied to help them deal with the situation and the emotions. Parents were the next step.

we ended up with child seeing a therapist for over a year on rebuilding his confidence.

bullying can have long lasting effects. As a parent, I will stand up for my child until he can for himself.

Momma you did just fine♥️

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