Children staying at my partners house

[AndBas]

Morning just hoping for some advice really

Last year my wife left me after 3 weeks of being married as she was seeing someone else.

at the time i was devastated but I sorted myself out and got on with it, since then I have met someone else.

since she found out I have met somebody, she has gone crazy, sending me abusive messages, send my new girlfriend and her ex partner abusive messages. Its all very strange and seems like she doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone else to have me either.

we have 3 children, girl aged 9, boy aged 6 and a boy aged 2 together and it is now the right time for them to stay over at my new partners house every other weekend when I have them.

my new partner has 2 boys aged 10 and 6

i need advice as my ex is saying by law the kids cant sleep over because they don’t have a proper bed or they cant share rooms with other kids who aren’t blood related.

As it’s only 4 nights a month, we plan on temporarily using air beds, would this be seen as a proper bed in the eyes of the law? The kids are well up for the idea but obviously the ex is trying to put obstacles in the way.

and it is now the right time for them to stay over at my new partners house every other weekend when I have them.

I'd never do anything like your ex and id never say it but I wouldn't be happy if my ex did this to our kids when we split last year. If they only see you 4 days a month you should be focusing on them and spending time with them, sure time inteacting with new partner, but not them having to adjust to a household with 3 new people and sharing their dad this early in the relationship.

What they do on your time is up to you, she doesn’t get a veto. If the harassment has continued you can report her to the police.

Do you only see them for 2 days EOW? 4 days a month? I wouldn’t want to spend that time at a new partner’s house with her kids. I’d want to spend that time 100% with my children and make it about them. Maybe the occasional day out as a blended family. But no one would distract from my time with my kids if I got so little with them already. I also wouldn’t want my dc sleeping on airbeds and not having a proper room when they were with me. As a one off, it’s fine. But every time they visit, no, it’s not really good enough.

I think your ex sounds a bit unhinged generally, but in this instance, she’s right. It’s not what’s best for your kids when they already get so little of you.

It sounds to me that she is less 'crazy ex' and more 'concerned parent'. How long have you been with your current partner? Why can't they stay at your house? Why do you see so little of your children?

your children need proper beds in your home when they stay with you.

They do not need to be visiting you at your girlfriend’s home that you have only been seeing for a year. They definitely should not be sharing space with children they barely know.

you are not prioritizing your children. It doesn’t matter if your ex isn’t reacting in the ideal way. It doesn’t matter if you are legally allowed to do this. What matters is that you would be an awful father to do this to your children.

Blimey.

No way would I do what you are doing.

Your children have been through the break up of your home and marriage, are having to adapt to seeing Daddy only every other weekend, and within a year you want to spend all your contact with your children in your new partners house, with her children?

All of which your children have no choice over.

Your ExW’s behaviour is not reasonable but introducing your children to a blended family situation so quickly is really not what I would want for my kids.

Apologies I wasn’t clear, i see them exactly half of the year, 4 nights one week 3 nights the next.

my current circumstances mean that 4 of those nights a month, they will stay at my new partners house. They know her and we’ve had days out etc. we’ve been together 6 months.

6 months and you want them to do overnights. It’s barely time for them to be meeting her.

What you choose to do in ypur cobtact time is your business not her's.
Tell her to quit the abuse or seek some legal help.
Why people plays these games is beyond me. Bitter & controlling
Well done for moving on and hopefully they enjoy being with your gf children.
Feed them well and have them comfortable is you main priority.

In all honesty, I wouldn't have sleep overs at you new partners. You've only been together for 6 months and it sounds like your kids have had enough upheaval recently. I think you should focus entirely on them while you have them. If your still with your partner in a year then maybe you could consider sleep overs then.

That being said on your time she doesn't get a say. There's no law about unrelated kids staying in the same room otherwise no one would ever have a sleepover. Sleeping on airbeds doesn't sound very comfortable so that's not ideal.

It sounds like your ex is feeling a bit bitter. Her relationship didn't work and yours currently is. She doesn't get to he abusive but also don't gloat because this shit can all change in seconds.

Anyhow, I think you both need to prioritise the kids needs above your own. They don't need to be involved in your new relationship and a blended family yet. They also don't need to be around her boyfriends or listen to her bullshit.

6 months is far too early, most people wouldn't have even introduced partner after that time. See you partner in the 50% of life that you don't have the DC, they need to be your priority.

You do not need to all gave sleepovers at your new partner house.
Have the dc at your house presumably you have beds there? New dp and dc can visit in daytime