Is it really impossible?

[alimac12]

Hello! I’m a mom of a 10 months old baby. I’m currently on maternity leave which ends by the end of September. I’m going to resume my studies, which will be a couple of days per week (I don’t know which days yet) and will work on weekends. My partner is working full-time, he works 3 days from home and 2 he must go to the office (Wednesdays are a must, then he can choose another day). So the thing is…we are planning to keep our baby at home while working/studying from home. For what I’ve heard, is impossible as you can not get anything done. We don’t want to take him to nursery because we don’t see him ready. He doesn’t take bottles at all (we tried many things but that’s a different story), he is still breastfeeding a lot throughout the day, he eats some food, but for now he is not really a foodie. For those reasons we don’t feel comfortable putting him into nursery. As I don’t know my schedule at uni yet, I don’t know how many days my partner will have to manage with the baby at home 1 or 2 (I know for sure it will be only 2 days at uni because my teacher told me) and it wouldn’t be the whole day but just a few hours. Do you think is doable? Or we are too positive? Has any of you manage working from home with a 1 year old? Thank you in advance!

I’ve got two toddlers (1 and 3) and was studying and working while pregnant with my second, and I would say yes it will be impossible to get anything done. Sorry. Ive had to work with one or both home a few times and it’s a nightmare, not a chance I’d do it on a regular basis if I had any other option. I get it feels hard to put them in nursery so young, but it’ll be more fun for him to be doing fun activities with other kids than being at home trying to get your attention and you trying to distract him with things so you can get your work/studying done.

I chose a childminder as that felt more like a home environment, plus it’s generally cheaper, is that an option? Both mine have been breastfed and never took a bottle, both went to childcare around 10-11 months with no issue. I promise he’ll figure out the food and water without you around to feed him.

@BuffaloCauliflower Thank you for telling me your experience.
Yes, I thought about childminder and I would rather chose that than nursery.
Is somewhat comforting to know other people have been through similar situations and everything worked just fine, one way or another.

Your partner cannot be paid for working from home when he is caring for a baby. That is fraud. He needs to be 100% at his work, and not have other responsibilities at the same time. Whether you can study or not at the same time, I don't know, but as you are presumably paying to study, not being paid, then it doesn't have the same legal implications if you can't physically do it

Mine also breastfed and never took bottle, 10 months was perfect time to start nursery. I highly recommend an established nursery over childminder or nanny, though of course there are excellent nannies and childminders. It's just we had to find another nanny when our previous one left and relying on one person is not great. He then went to a great nursery that was home away from home, very homely. I did work some of that time nanny left with baby at home, but my husband and I alternated, no chance of working with baby.

@Lemonbalm8 Sending him to nursery/childminder might be the best option. I’m getting more positive about it after seeing your comments. Thank you very much :)

@mytuppennyworth you are right. I guess we are trying to think about all the possible options! Thank you for your input.

It's harder on parents especially first week or month, but it's really not bad for them to create new relationships. Obviously we all have to do what we can, it is never perfect.

Nursery. He is still soley breast feeding because he can. You are there. He will find an alternative and start eating when there is nothing else on offer. You cannot look after a crawling baby and work successfully.

My work under normal circumstances don't permit working at home with children under 10 there without an alternative carer.
I had special circumstances when my nursery closed with 20 minutes notice just before a house move so we went 12 weeks without regular childcare. On days I had her at home I probably got a quarter of what I would normally get done and on a typical week I would only have a day's worth of tasks that could be done whilst she was at home. Even days when grandparents were doing child care in our house my work was disrupted and I got about 2/3rd of my normal work done.

I couldn't be the mother I wanted and I couldn't be the employee I wanted. I felt constantly that noone was getting the best of me and that had an impact on my mood as at the time I was still recovering from my pnd.

I totally get your point! Thank you!

Just try it. Spend a day focusing on reading a deep book / doing your tax return / setting up a complicated household budgeting spreadsheet, while in sole care of your baby.

If you genuinely do the tasks as well as you would without the baby around, crack on.

(you won’t!)

To be honest I don’t see him ready but I’m even less ready that him haha

Developmentally what is he getting from this? If you’re working or studying then where is the interaction, socialisation, developing language, gross and fine motor skills?
whether you do nursery childminder or Sahp, those options work to provide what a child needs in their early years. It’s not really about whether you can get a good days work in, it’s about is he getting what he needs

I would have to agree with other posters OP it would be really difficult to work with a toddler at home. My work also have a policy that you cannot work from home with a child unless they are cared for by another adult.

On the solids and breastfeeding front, my DS was very very similar. Took to weaning very very slowly and was still breastfeeding 8-10 times a day when he started nursery at 12 months. He’s now 17 months and regularly eating double and sometimes triple portions of lunch and tea at nursery! He didn’t ever take a bottle and won’t drink milk from anything but me, so drinks water from a cup at nursery and we still breastfeed before/ after and during the night. Nursery has been brilliant for him in terms of getting comfortable with food, he eats so well there and I do genuinely think being around other children eating and copying makes a huge difference.

I also didn’t think DS was ready as he is quite a Sensitive clingy boy, and don’t get me wrong it has taken some adjustment and we still aren’t quite there, but they can stimulate him in ways I really can’t!

That’s very encouraging, specially because your son is similar to ours. We might be more “scared” than him to take him to nursery. I really appreciate your advice and that you shared your experience! Thank you

You can’t work from home or be in class with a baby in tow. You may be able to stagger your hours so that one of you is always home and available to parent. For example, you are home while your partner is at work, then you do any revision in the evening or during naps. Your partner is with baby while you are at uni or at work. It’s hard on your relationship, but it’s possible.

If you can afford it, I’d strongly suggest getting PT childcare in place or family help. I did a PhD when mine was a baby to toddler. It was totally possible, BUT I treated it like a job. My dc was in nursery 9-5 on my days when I was studying, and home the days I had off.

I studied FT for a nursing degree all the way through pregnancy and then through having a newborn. I graduated when he turned two.

I used daycare 2 days a week and husband was extremely helpful during hospital placement months. Waking up at night to attend to the bub, doing daycare drop off pick ups, doing all the cooking and cleaning.

So depends on your support around you.

No way my husband could look after a baby and work. No way. Cruel to the baby.

@alimac12 I completely understand the scared feeling OP and if I’m honest I haven’t quite moved past that myself yet! I miss him a ridiculous amount and spend most of the day counting down until I can pick him up. I try not to cry at drop off until I am away from him and in the car.

But I do think I am seeing the benefits already, especially around food, and confidence as like I said he’s a very shy boy. Good luck with whatever you decide, it isn’t easy.

I'm off for summer now with my 3yo and 11yo.

I also do work a favour and raise CAPEX's, call off PO's, reclaim cash etc while I'm off. Work know this is always around my toddler and are fine with it as it's a favour for my boss.

There is NO WAY I could do my full job while trying to entertain him. Not least because children need to be out and about each day, even if just for a walk, or they, and you, go stir crazy 🤪

Nursery was not the right environment for DS when he was 1 and we quickly moved him to a local childminder who he absolutely loves. We're far happier with the CM than we ever were with the nursery.

Any decent employer would forbid you to work while looking after a child. I don't understand why anyone would want to do this, it's so cruel on the baby. How will the baby be interacted with, get fresh air, socialise and meet their development goals if someone is working all day at the same time as looking after a baby?

I can understand your anxiety over a nursery but any decent nursery or childminder will come across countless babies similar to yours and will support you in the transition. You may even find the social settinf beneficial for eating. My son eats all manners of things at nursery he wouldn't even touch at home.

Take it from someone who had just gone back to work from maternity leave when Covid happened - you can't do it. You will send yourself mad, and will be a shit mum and employee.

Ring some nurseries and childminders to arrange visits today, because getting a place next month is going to be difficult. You might have to wait and just do it for a while until a place you feel comfortable with is free.