Breastfeeding- at end of tether

[Yazoop]

Hi all. I have a beautiful 5 week old daughter and breastfeeding has been such a struggle that I feel like I’m losing my mind.

As she was breech, we needed to have a c-section for delivery. Following this, she was very difficult to wake for first few days, my milk was delayed coming through and couldn’t express much colostrum. Despite us flagging our big concerns around this, medical support in the aftermath of birth was both contradictory and patchy. By day 5 she had lost too much weight and we were in NICU for a night and put on a plan of breast plus formula every 2-3 hours.

She regained weight very well and now back up within normal growth ranges. But I’m still doing breastfeed- pumping (for supply) - formula and it has been extremely difficult. Supply is much better but I’m now getting clogged ducts and mastitis. It is toe curlingly painful and I’m exhausted. Have been seeing a lactation consultant to see if can improve latch / get to bottom of issues. But it is not getting much better and I’m anxious and tearful most of the time. There is no clear path to moving away from breast/pump/formula without risking baby losing weight and I’m still anxious about that from the early experience which was horrible. I want to jack it in but also feel guilty and sad for doing so.

not sure I have a specific question really - just wanted to see what other experiences might be in similar situations?

I was in a similar boat - emergency c section, premie, issues with weight. Latch wasn’t a huge problem though.

I have gone to mainly expressing which I prefer with bottles to measure amount which is how we got to birth weight. Now we are led by him on when he wants to eat (usually 2-3 hours - he’s 3 weeks) but if I haven’t got enough EBM and put him on the boob to ensure that the right chemicals are being made etc and he doesn’t stay long, then I use formula. We are 80% breast milk, 20% formula. I’m trying to be 100% breast. I joined an exclusively pumping group for knowledge which has helped, I LOVE pumping in comparison.

but there is no issue with just using formula! Your mental health is priority. It has such an impact on baby how happy you are!!

Oh it’s hideous. I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it.

Has she been checked for tongue tie and lip tie? I’d assume so given the history but it doesn’t hurt to double check.

I will say we started very much like you. Premie. A week in NICU. Bounced in and out of hospital with weight concerns. We got very lucky with support from NICU, my midwife and a peer support group.

I’ve now been breastfeeding for five years straight and it has got easier BUT if I could be a little kinder to past me I would say how little it matters if you’re on your knees exhausted and in pain. Switch to formula only if it helps. Combo feed but ditch pumping if it helps. Do what suits you best. Your baby will be fed. Yes there will be judgemental twats but frankly you get judged by those tossers for every parenting decision you make so you can ignore them.

No c section here but my DD1 spent two weeks in NICU and was on the 0.4th centile. We also ended up on the breastfeeding, pumping, formula plan. I lasted until about 12 weeks pumping and it destroyed my mental health. In hindsight, I wish I'd stopped earlier and just focused on putting baby to the breast and then formula.

For the clogged ducts / mastitis, have you checked you are using the right flange sizes for effective pumping? You can buy a box of flange inserts on amazon for around £10 that has lots of different sizes in and a measuring guide.

For DD2, I have also needed to top up (no NICU stay but she had a severe tongue tie that took a long time to get sorted). This time, I told everyone that I was not prepared to pump and I have prioritised bfing and formula. We've had ups and downs but still going at 17weeks and I feel like my MH is a lot better this time around.

Be kind to yourself. I know the pressure to keep bfing and pumping. But whatever you want to do will work for your baby. She needs a happy mama as well. Please also make sure you keep talking - to your LC or HV or GP. It's important to look after you as well 💐

I came on here to post something very similar asking for advice. Very similar situation to you- emergency c section, baby lost a lot of weight and had continuous latching issues despite lots of support. I now breastfeed through the night and pump using a hands free pump around 3 times a day. Rest of the time we use formula. I slowly want to move to formula but I just feel so guilty, ashamed and I believe the whole breast is best narrative

sorry I cant offer advice OP but I am in solidarity with you, you are not alone