My 27 month old has become a nightmare

[Helena1993]

My sweet, cuddly and obeying baby that always smiled turned into a little devil. Everything is no and everything is a battle. From getting her to use the toilet to getting her to sleep at night. She’s always refusing to do what I tell her to do and she understands very well. She has so much energy and needs to run all day or she’ll start becoming whiny. And my god do I hate the whining. I can feel my adrenaline level rise just by hearing the sound that comes out of her mouth. And she hates the food I make for her too, unless it’s sweet. And even then she’s picky when she wasn’t. I’m seriously not sure how much longer I can take this behavior before losing my mind. It doesn’t help that I have an anxiety disorder that puts me on edge all the time. I try to stay calm but I lose my cool more and more often as I see that she just completely ignored everything I say. And I know there’ll be someone in the comments saying „just wait until she’s 3, haha“ or the old „it gets better when they move out“ but please don’t be that guy…

Not sure as my 2.5 year old is a monster right now and people do keep telling me 3 is worse 💀

Felt like I wrote that OP! I just hope it gets better and this isn't a sneak peak into what the teenage years might be like...

At least then I can leave them for a few hours and they can wipe their own butts

Ah sounds just like mine, I came on here after a particularly difficult day with her (plus it’s my birthday - did I magically think it would all disappear?!). We’re about 8 months into this phase so here is what we learnt:

• mine needs control. Offering a choice of two things for EVERYTHING (will mummy do this or daddy? Do you want to tidy the blocks or the books?)
• if she doesn’t choose, try not to keep repeating and instead saying “I think you’re having a hard time with the choice so I’m going to help”
• if I feel I need to shout at her, whisper instead. Getting close to her and whispering what I need to tell her or ask her has been way more effective
• find my own ways of managing anger earlier rather than pretending I don’t feel anger, staying calm calm calm and then exploding with anger. So I name my angry feelings and tell her what I need to do to manage that
• treat myself with a bit of grace, this is really really hard.
• have a day every now and again where I feel really sorry for myself and moan to people who get it
• reduce demands on her. I only ask her to tidy a little bit, and not always; expect her to make mess; basically avoid having to say no

i have the book “how to talk so kids will listen” and it’s a good one!

Our DD was properly bonkers around that age as well.

We learned to live with the incredibly fussy eating by keeping it simple with pasta and sauce etc. Letting her know up front what it would be seemed to help. Playing with other kids as much as poss helps the energy burning and helps you realise you don’t own the only crazy kid in the playpark!

No real tips though. You are defo not the first parent to lose your cool! Good luck.

That's good advice @Orangepen13 - I needed to hear that too.

You're not alone @Helena1993 - I was gritting my teeth from dinner time to bedtime tonight as my DS:

• deliberately threw food on the floor after being repeatedly told not to and agreeing he would put food he didn't want on the table. And laughed about it and said he was funny
• said no when I asked him to pick up some of the food on the floor ... But then got really upset when I picked it up instead and insisted on putting it in the bin himself
• Said "whack mummy" and hit me across the face
• wanted to choose a toy car to have in the bath but then wouldn't choose one
• wanted to run away and hide and surprise mummy before bathtime but was actually just mucking around on the sofa
• wailed in distress throughout his bath because he wanted his toy tractor and lots of cars in the bath rather than the one he had chosen. And because he had wanted to run away and have mummy chase him not have daddy put him in the bath
• continued wailing when I got him out of the bath because he wanted to get back in

It's the stalling and prevaricating that I find really irritating at the moment. And the deliberately doing something he knows he shouldn't do. Most of the time I manage an appropriate response that's not too wishy washy and not too cross, but when there's a new challenge every 3 minutes it is hard.

Solidarity OP - the constant battle is incredibly mentally draining. And why are they so unreasonable?! mine has been potty trained for a year and has started out right denying she needs the loo while hopping around and holding her crotch until I drag her kicking and screaming. Why make it so bloody difficult when you've been going to the loo perfectly for a god damn year??!!

Anyway - behaviour wise I echo one of the PP with 'i think you're finding it tricky'

My rule is I will only ask her to do something ONCE (but make sure she's heard and understood) if she dicks around it's 'ok it looks like you're finding it tricky to put your shoes on today so I'll help you' and basically pick her up or guide her to the shoes. Hard at first but with some consistency she's starting just going along with doing whatever the thing is, with my help. Wish she'd just do it in the first place but there you go

Thanks for all the advice! My toddler age calmed down a bit since I posted this. What I found incredibly helpful was to tell her what she needs to do and count to 3. And then do it for her if she didn’t. Usually I don’t even have to count to 2 and she does what I tell her.