DD good for me.. But when Dad is around she's a nightmare towards me

[Dubqueen30]

Our DD is 3 years old and is 9 times out of 10 is good while she is with me, however once her Dad wakes up or spends the day with us she becomes a pain in the arse usually towards me! I'm with her all the time apart from preschool on a Monday/ Tuesday and grandparents house on a Thursday while I'm at work.

For a bit of background, my partner works nights so we'd usually see him Monday morning (while getting ready for preschool/ work), Wednesday for 2 hours, Thursday evening, all day Friday, 3 hours on a Saturday & Sunday before he has work at 6pm.

I love my daughter dearly, however I'm at the stage where I've started to dread her Dad being around as it makes thing 1000x harder. For example, she forgets manners (not a biggy, I can deal with that as she's only 3), her ears have suddenly become decorative and she will only listen to her Dad and will tell me 'No mummy, not you. Don't look at me. Your not my friend'. She will try to hit me if I say no to something (I always explain you can't do X because of Y & Z). She will refuse to allow me to do simple tasks, stop me from sitting on the sofa 'Thats my seat mummy! Not yours!' even though, she was happily playing elsewhere.

I had to walk away from her last night as scream into a pillow upstairs as I'd had enough of it all 😥

Is this her just attention seeking from her Dad?

Parental preference is very common, and can switch in and out over time. My friends have a now 4.5yo DS and it was particularly strong around 3-4yo, if his mum was around then everything was her her her - no, mummy do it, I want mummy, I don't want you, screaming if his dad tried to get him dressed or brush his teeth. His dad would want to give her a break and try to do stuff, saying mummy is having a rest so I'll get you dressed, etc, but it would often lead to 3yo getting worked up and in a right state because he wanted his mum to do it and that was being refused to him. So then mum would have to come along and comfort him because he was hysterical, and it was a vicious cycle. When his mum wasn't there - if she was out of the house - and he understood she wasn't an option, then he was much better. But if she was there and he knew it, he wouldn't settle for dad as a second choice! It gets better with time. He's still like it if he's particularly tired, hungry, but it's less common and less intense.

It's really normal and just a phase. Don't let it upset you and act as breezy as you can and ignore. Let dad take over for a while, she is wanting his attention. Parental preference chops and changes so just weather it and it will fade.

She wants his attention. But important that both of you nip this behaviour (rudeness) in the bud. Both of you need to say to her that speaking like that to mummy makes her sad, and not to do that.
but Dad does need to focus time on her. Can they have a daddy daughter time each week.

It's because she has your attention for a huge proportion of the week.

When her dad's around she's craving his. But she's 3 - she does not know how to do that appropriately yet.

I'd suggest he takes her out alone once a week for 1:1 time (swimming?) and so she knows that she gets his attention weekly at a set time.