Don’t know what to do anymore

[Teddybear120]

I have a 4 week old baby and I’m really struggling.

I’ve been trying to breastfeed her and it just seems one thing after another in our feeding journey.

I’ll preface this by saying she is a long awaited baby after needing IVF. She is my second. My first the breastfeeding never worked and he ended up bottle fed. I initially expressed milk then formula as my supply dropped.

we’ve had a different feeding journey this time but her feeding doesn’t feel right. Initially she had a super strong suction latch, resulting in me having bleeding, cracked nipples, misshapen and then vasospasm. That slowly got better but she started clicking at the breast lots. It is so audible now. We had a posterior tongue tie cut 10 days ago and her feeding is no better- if anything it is worse. She is clicking at the breast constantly. My let down is fast and she gulps and chokes at it initially but then takes it. However her latch is super shallow to cope with it. It doesn’t hurt me but it just feels like she isn’t sucking if that makes sense- just letting the milk pour into her mouth. In the afternoon and evening when my breast is less full she gets grumpy and comes on and off for hours. If I try to latch her deeply she just slips back to a shallow latch.

Ive tried different positions including laying back, rugby ball, cradle, cross cradle, compressing the breast when the flow is slow in the afternoons, expressing the initial let down off. I’ve been under the infant feeding team but they haven’t helped. Theyve say there is nothing wrong with her latch but I can literally pull my nipple out of her mouth without pain or breaking any suction. I’ve been told she is just getting used to her tongue now it is snipped. She is also gaining weight well so they don’t feel it is a problem. I think this is because I have an oversupply at the moment but I’m worried that when my supply regulates it will no longer work for her.
I feel like no one is listening to me.

I’ve had her screaming on and off for 3 hours this afternoon. I finally got her to sleep and she was woken up after 10 minutes. I’m dreading the cluster feeding that will come this evening.

I’m desperate to breastfeed, I feel like I will be judged if I stop now as she is gaining so well (she was back at birth weight day 6 and so far is putting on over an ounce a day). But at the same time all I can think about is running away and I can’t stop crying. I’m just at a loss as to what to do now. My partner has taken her for a walk as I can’t cope anymore. I can’t keep going like this but I also don’t want to stop breastfeeding. I have booked a chiro but the earliest they had is 10 days away and I’ve been to breadtfeedinf support groups but she feeds well there as it is the morning. It is always the afternoon and evenings for up to 8 hours like this.

Sorry for such a long post. Thank you for reading it.

Would you consider mixed feeding if you don't want to give up BF completely? No one will judge you if you choose to stop either, you have got to do what is best for you and your family and your own mental health.

Are there any lactation consultants near you? In our town there is a lady that advises and a charity run by volunteers who also help with this kind of thing.

No one will judge you if you stop BF. Switch to bottle! Happy mum happy baby etc.

I'm really sorry that you feel you are not being listened to. She is gaining weight and you have been so resilient to persevere. You sound very stressed and concerned based on the past experience that you had - almost fearing to 'expect' the same to crop up.

The milk and the sleep seem to be coming together in a bad patch and I do remember that this was something horrible in the earlier days but then became more of a pattern (still not at all fun but getting more used to it, and realising you got through it on other occasions).

Combination feeding could be something to try that is helpful to both of you. It should firstly allow your boobs to heal a bit, and it should also mean there is a need for the baby to work out sucking (not expect letdown) and the fact that things other than boobs are at her disposal to calm and feed her. Please do practice noticing when feeds also go ok, or well (whether bottle or breast). They do - it's just so easy to feel huge guilt and powerlessness over those that are less good and assume that all of them are going downhill.
Congratulations and I hope that with no real explanation, things click for a few days so you feel more reassured - then I'd be willing to bet they do go out of kilter and back again a few times, but you will both be able to take it slightly more in your stride each time.

It seems like you’re having a really rough time with breastfeeding, and it’s totally okay to feel overwhelmed. You’ve put in so much effort, and it’s frustrating when things don’t seem to improve.
Maybe trying a different lactation consultant could be helpful—someone who can watch a feeding session in person might offer new advice or techniques. It could also be worth checking for issues like a lip tie, as these can sometimes cause the problems you’re describing.
Even if you've been to some support groups, joining new ones or finding local in-person groups might give you fresh perspectives and support. If breastfeeding continues to be tough, consider pumping and offering expressed milk in a bottle as a temporary solution.
Most importantly, make sure you’re taking care of yourself too. It’s okay to ask for help and take breaks when you need them. Your well-being matters just as much as your baby’s, and finding a solution that works for both of you is key.

My daughter was like this. Leaning back positions helped so getting her latched then leaning back by about 30 Deg
I hand expressed into a clean muslin just before a fed if she was struggling

For us it turned out to be due to silent reflux and food allergies by the time she was diagnosed feeding was a nightmare and feeds were seconds long and no more. Once feeds weren't causing her discomfort she fed more calmly and slower and deeper.

Was just thinking about this discussion and wonder if anything has changed to be slightly easier? No problem if you don't want to update or revisit this but hope there is some improvement or help that's helped.

Hello
I ended up posting in infant feeding and got some advice there. Since I posted we have seen a chiropractor who specialises in bodywork infant tongue ties. She has a high palate which is making it difficult for her to maintain suction so the clicking is from that. She takes down quite a bit of air with it so I try hard to burp her well afterwards which helps. Sometimes we just can’t get the air up though. There is also a question of whether there is still a bit of a residual tie so we are awaiting ENT which we are seeing next month. I have thought about going private to a lactation consultant but as it has been cut once I’ve been advised to wait for the ENT.

She is nearly 8 weeks now. I have expressed and offered the occasional bottle but she takes air down with that too because of her tongue/palate. What this has done is shown me that it isn’t something I am doing wrong. That it isn’t a case of one being better/easier for her than the other. Stupid as it sounds I needed to know that I was doing the right thing by her either keeping going or stopping. In reality neither is right or wrong and at the moment I’m happy to keep going as she generally content most of the time and is gaining well but if there are any signs that she isn’t or I can’t handle it anymore we will make the switch.