When does it get easier

[Nmeag]

I have 4 children, one from a previous relationship he's 17 and we have a great relationship. I married my husband 5 years ago, we have 3 children; DS 4, DS2 and DD 6 months. Weare older parents hence children close in age and i wanted them to have company growing up as my oldest son never had much. I'm on mat leave, we have a lot of worries about money month to month and very limited family support. My DS2 goes to a childminder 2 days per week which we recently changed to due to issues with creche but unfortunately our childminder has had very bad medical news so this is a new worry for childcare arrangements especially when I have to return to work.
I constantly feel exhausted and so lonely. I have mood swings at times and it doesn't take much for me to fly off the handle, more and more so i have noticed. My husband "tries" but I constantly have to give him directions, he doesn't do any housework, cooking, groceries. Never initaties family activities. He's a poor times keeper, usually home late from work, always in the toilet, cant organise the children to leave the house, takes him ages to do small tasks with them and cannot multitask. I'm at the end of my tether. I feel completely overwhelmed and miserable. I wait for the wekeends when hes around to help but last night he annouced he had to go today to help his father with work. He just assumed id be here, as i always am and something has just flipped in me. I have been tearful, and feel so hopeless. Screaming at him i need a break, he thinks im crazy
There's no light at the end of the tunnel and just wanted people's perspective if this stage of parenting will ever end or when others with young children found it getting better. I should add that my husband and I have a good relationship, he's my best friend. I just think he doesn't realise the extent to which I am struggling.

Firstly, I'm entirely sympathetic. I had three small children in two years (twins) and I felt at breaking point despite my husband being moderately helpful with the kids.
Secondly, this is an occasion to think outside the box (of course there is little time for this minute by minute, but if you can just step outside the situation when you are feeling calmer, perhaps when it's a less stressful day, and talk things through with your self and your husband you may find some ways to improve the situation)

a) your own health...bloodtests B vitamins,iron vit D. Could this is be a possibility?
b) organising house...how could housework be streamlined, edited, simplified? Online shopping? Big boxes to throw toys into, declutter a few things or rotate toys (put some away for six months)
c) divide up responsibilities .. ie book him to do some aspects of childcare at weekend whether it's always cooking Sunday lunch or taking two kids out to park for two hours every sat between a certain time. This is not the time for playing it by ear, it has to be a fixed routine if he is tone deaf to your needs/frustrations. Book it long term. My husband always put two children to bed and read story after work. I always cooked supper. And dealt with third child. My husband always unloaded DW every morning before work and supervised kids first thing by between 7 and 8.30am.
That sort of regular committment. He never did any houseworky stuff like hoovering or tidying..but he could dress kids feed and play with them.

I still felt angry and frustrated about stuff he didn't do so I suspect it is just an overwhelming time and you need to think harder about how to make things easier for both of you, accept some of the difficulties BOTH of you are experiencing . We had no family help at all and we didnt drive.

Often being compassionate to yourself . .I'm doing an amazing job getting through the day despite this messy chaotic existence .....goes a long way.
Whereas feeling it should be "better" and it's someone fault .. .makes rage consume you and rage leads to depression despair

Your husband is a burden, he's choosing to actively make your life harder. He's a terrible example of a man to your kids, they're being taught that women do the drudgery and men...sit on the toilet.