Help! What is enough custody for DS and dad?

[Lollip189]

Morning all.

Anyone have any advice re: sharing custody of 22 month old? I'm his main carer. Dad never really moved in with us as he chose to keep his job in another city over an hour away so would stay with us a few nights per week on average, sometimes more, sometimes less. When dad comes home, DS takes an hour or so to warm to him. However, DS had some successful full days with dad at the house he lives in with his mother in the city he works in.

We've split up anyway, and dad is now saying 2 nights per week with him and 5 with me. He says we can do it slowly. I'm a bit wary of upsetting the bond with main carer (me) but do want to encourage a relationship with dad. Dad doesn't drive and says he won't get the train to see DS several times a week (I've said as much as he wants) as it's too expensive.

I'm not au fait with how custody works with a little one. Anyone got any advice? I'm thinking 2 nights is too much when he's still a bit little but want to encourage things with his dad.

Honestly I would start as you mean to go on. Think about when he’s at school. Will you want him to be gone every single weekend?
I would say every other weekend sat/sun and one night in the week, if this is feasible with work and when he starts school. Is his dad going to be able to trek him an hour to school or will this need to be reduced to a tea only? You don’t want to be arguing child arrangements every few years so I would start with a sustainable schedule that will work for the long term

@Gymmum82 The plan was to home school so weekends shouldn't be a problem. It was more the worry of him being away from main caregiver for 2 nights at a young age. But I imagine courts would just see that as 'tough'? I'm not sure.

Courts will start at 50/50 unless newborn. So I’d keep this in mind and try and come to your own arrangement

@Gymmum82 okay. Cheers for input, appreciated.

The earlier the better for the child to have decent time with the other parent to form a bond.

If he can't be arsed getting a train he's not a decent father.

Don't make it easy for him.

It's his responsibility to make time and inconvenience himself not yours.

Get on with being a single parent and put your ex to the back of your mind.

@Carebearsonmybed I kind of felt like this myself, but wary of not wanting to put a block in between DS and dad. I know it's dad's problem, but for sake of DS relationship with dad.