I split from my husband 18 months ago. We have 2 children, 3 and 6yo. We do 50/50 split (week about) and I split the child benefit. I am classed as the primary carer.
Our marriage was very toxic, he was a bully. I had to leave for my own mental health and happiness and my childen needed a happy mum and a happy atmosphere. My ex is incredibly enraged and bitter that I left. Everything had been difficult and an attempt to break me mentally/ ruin my life and image. Everything is made to be awkward, nothing can be straight forward.
To the point; he constantly speaks negatively about me to our children. He's been told by multiple people including myself to stop but he denies it. My eldest tells me some of these things. They know to tell him they don't like it and to stop which results in their dad "sulking".
Yesterday my eldest had a small huff about something and said "I want to go back to dad's, it's better there" - understandable behaviour, I didn't feed into it. When they weren't getting the reaction they wanted, they continued with many things they have been told by their father, a few examples "you stole all his money, you stole all the things, you left him all by himself, you blamed everything on him, you're so messy, you're fat and lazy" etc etc, with "but that's the truth!".
Now, obviously I don't blame my child for repeating what they've had drummed into them for 18 months. They can't comprehend these adult conversations. The fact I left with just some clothes, some of my things, no furniture etc is besides the point and won't register with them. It's not for me to defend myself or have these conversations with him as he's too young. I can cope with this narrative and lies being spread to strangers because I, our mutual friends and family know it's rubbish. Even though I know they're not my child's words, they still really hurt me which I know is silly.
I never talk negatively about their dad. If they bring him up, what they do with their time there I'm always positive and encouraging.
I guess I'm just after some reassurance. I have a brilliant time with my children, they are very happy and well adjusted. They enjoy their time with me. I do not want to discuss or argue any of these points with a 6 year old. I don't want to call their dad a liar despite that being the case. I'm half scared they'll grow up believing any of it to be true. What is the best way to gently shut down the conversation if it happens again? I told them I didn't want to hear these things as it made me feel sad and it's not nice to call people names etc. The constant worry and mom guilt is so real.