Child seeing me cry

[LifefallingapartII]

Three months ago exdp announced he has moved on with someone else. Despite being separated quite some time I’ve not taken it well. Realised how much I love him and wanted us to be a family with our DS age 8yo. I’ve been in a really bad place this whole time. Have sought help from GP and receiving counselling trying to deal with the breakup, loss of the future I thought we were going to have (always hoped we would work things out). I’m now watching him build this foundation and life with someone, the life that should have been mine. The grief and jealousy are consuming me.

DS (who struggles with anxiety and emotional regulation, awaiting autism assessment) has been through a lot these last months. From seeing his dad at home most days to now only having contact outside of the house. Knows something is going on but doesn’t understand what (about the new gf). Sees me crying most days and has said on a few occasions mummy always cries when she sees/speaks to daddy. I’ve explained we haven’t been getting along and it’s difficult and we are trying to be friends. I’ve also explained that sometimes people are sad and cry and this is ok. It hurts seeing him sad and confused. I feel immense guilt that I’m not coping. I just don’t know how to carry on. Part of me doesn’t want to carry on, I’ve nothing left in me. I feel guilty even thinking that. But I don’t know how to carry on without him. I don’t know how to be a good parent feeling this way. I can see the emotional damage I’m causing my already struggling child. I feel so lost

Anyone? Or recommendations for another board that might get help

Having read your post I couldn't just leave without making a comment. It sounds like you are depressed and grieving your lost relationship / life expectations. It's hard, especially when you have what sounds like sole/most responsibility for your child to recover from this well and quickly. Do you have any other support, neighbours/ friends from your son's school, family who can help? Can you arrange an hour or two regularly with someone so you have some 'me' time? Do make sure you see your doctor and counsellor regularly and have some time with friends too. Hope you get the support you need. You can do this and life does go on and will get better.

OP this is sad to read. I'm sorry that you are struggling so much. Of course it's natural to be upset and to cry sometimes, but I would try and paint a smile on for the sake of your child when you can. Can you limit the amount of contact you have with your ex, would that help? It's good that you're seeking outside help. Wishing you all the best OP.

Op I'm so so sorry for your problems. However you have a child who is relying on you. Yes he will see you cry but you have to pull yourself together for his sake. I know it's tough but you have to be the strong one now. I've been there so I know what you are going through. Sending hugs 🫂 💐 🙏 ❤️

Thanks for the replies. It helps to feel less alone. I actually have a lot of support around me and luckily they’re helping take care of my son on the days I can’t cope, but I know it’s not enough and he needs me, I just wish I could be strong enough for him but I’m failing spectacularly even though I know the long term impact this is going to have. He’s keeping me here. If it wasn’t for him I know I’d end it. Every single day has felt like a year and I just can’t see light at the end.
im trying to limit contact by exdp isn’t making things easy. He’s currently taking new gf on a weekend away - when he should have been seeing DS so I’m just feeling rejection all around

This sounds like a very hard situation and your grief is completely understandable. Sending a big warm hug your way 🫂 I would gently encourage you to lean into the support of your GP and counsellor, and be as honest as possible. Have you told them what you've written here, that you feel like giving up? That's a sign that whatever support you're getting isn't quite giving you what you need, and letting them know this means you can get more help. Things will feel better soon, it is all very new and raw and awful right now, but time plus support will help you. Sending love OP.

Thank you @koalabearboombox I’m going to contact my GP again to see whether there is anything else I can try as the counselling whilst great, is clearly a long and slow process. I hate my DS seeing me this way and I just wish I could snap out of it or put on a brave face but just being is taking everything I have. I’m so worried about the long term impact this will have, especially as exdp is going full steam ahead with this new relationship, talking moving in and marriage, kids, meeting DS the whole works. It feels like everytime I might get a little strong he’s going to throw me a curveball to set me back. I’m eaten alive by jealousy and grief

Anyone else with any advice? I’m struggling today with knowing exdp and his new gf are on a romantic getaway and I’m fielding questions from DS about when he will see his dad. We’ve been away on holiday with family and he’s known for 7+ months our return date yet booked last minute to be away, having not seen DS for 2 weeks. It just feels hurtful and like we don’t matter. Like his new relationship means more.

I think the explanation that sometimes people are sad and cry and that this is OK is reasonable. It’s the truth, for boys as well as girls and the adult equivalents. You are grieving just as you would if someone had died, and three months is such a short time. It’s impossible to completely protect your child from your grief and unhealthy for a child to think adults never cry. You and your child still matter, whatever your ex does or believes. It will get better as you adjust. It sounds as if your ex is better gone, and you will see this in the future even if you can only see glimpses of hope now.