Cant shake the broodiness!

[mummysparkles95]

Hey, I have 3 children already ds 9, ds 5 & dd3 im 30 this January coming up, and i cant shake the broodiness, the thought of not being pregnant again, giving birth or having a newborn baby again really upsets me, and i dont know if i can close that chapter of my life, i feel like its consuming me, i was a only child and was very lonely so ive always been very conscious about that, and id love for my dd have a little sister to grow up with, and my father died from covid when i was pregnant with my dd so i felt i didnt really soak it in, but mine and my partners relationship isnt great, thats one reason not to have another and i cant help but resent him for it,... then i think about it affecting my other kids, would i have enough time for them all equally? And financially? I have a 3 bed house, would it be big enough? And how much harder is going from 3-4 dc? What if the new baby was born with disabilities or i died during labour? This is what im thinking about, but i cant shake of the broodiness and its so intense? Is this normal? Will it go away? I obsess about it and its making me ill, I know if i had another one I defiantly wouldnt have anymore, advice please 🙏🏻 TIA

Have you spoken to your DP about how you feel?

Going from any number to any number is not great if your relationship isn't great. Things can be quite limiting with 4. I had to a) sell my car (lots of cars do 5 people, not many do 6) b) kiss goodbye to ever staying in one hotel room again (admittedly this affects you when you get to 5, not 6) and c) drag two older ones to the suit the youngest two or tolerate the two youngest "spoiling" anything the two older ones did. No-one wants to babysit 4, and you cannot expect the oldest to "step up". You are still young, but you never know what you are going to get, I had a lot of problems in pregnancy with the last one and he had a 1:4 chance of downs, I was in hospital a lot. He then had colic and wailed constantly for 13 weeks. The expense of childcare, and if they do it, Uni (I had two go in one year !) . And god, the weeks when they all caught stuff from each other (I used to call them the mop and bucket weeks) There are some positives, DC2 and DC4 are kindred spirits, and we have a right laugh now because we were quite regimented when they were kids (we had to be, getting 4 under 10 fed, bathed and in bed was a trial, especially on holiday!!!) and we were like a little tribe. There is good and bad, but I have always said to my kids, "don't have four" if you value any time for yourself ! Anyway, I hope this helps. xx

Not sure why you would want another if your relationship isn't great ? Children aren't stupid they know when parents aren't happy don't think it would be fair on anyone in the family to add another child and even more pressure to a relationship that isn't solid.

I think you need therapy, not to have another child. You don't have a great relationship, already have 3 children and your house isn't big enough, plus you're not even sure if you will have enough time (not likely if you already have 3 others). Get to the crux of why you think this is a good idea

If your relationship isn’t great right now, please don’t have another baby.

I understand this feeling, I had it a few years after my two children were born. For me, it was time to focus on other aspects of my life, such as my career, which went slightly on the back burner when my children were very young.

If your relationship isn’t great, perhaps that might be a better path as you need to ensure that you can provide for your children? You’re so young, you can do so much with your life-I wish I was still under 30 (I’m 50 this year)!

I feel you OP. I'm in a somewhat parallel situation but older and only have one child. The resentment is enormous and is the main thing damaging the relationship It's hard.

It's not fair on the 3 you have now. They can't have their own rooms as it is. They will be teens before you know it ! You are being selfish imo

If your relationship isn't good you absolutely should not have another child together now.

I have a three bedroom house and just two children. We could squeeze in a third as one of the kid's rooms is a large double but have chosen not to as it would mean room sharing (not against that but easier not to share) but no way we could comfortably fit four kids in.

If you had a forth child it could be a boy so there is no guarantee that you would get a little sister for your DD.

I think the sensible answer and what is best for your family is to stop at three for now. Remember you are only 29 though - you could still be fertile for a decade, you can revisit this decision.

Thanks for all the kind answers, and the ones calling me selfish ect i think you have read my post wrong i know full well its a bad idea hence why i listed the problems and reason why im not having one, i just cant help feeling broody and its very intense, and the thought of not experiencing it again makes me really upset, i just feel alone with this and needed to speak about it, thanks ☺️