3yo suddenly very anxious about nursery

[BathToysEverywhere]

My 3.5 yo has being going to a nursery school since last September for 2 mornings (3hours) a week. He settled beautifully, had absolutely no issue with me leaving him and would always come out with a huge smile on his face. He’s been in the younger class since September which has smaller ratios so only about 12 kids in his room. He’s a January baby so he’s one of the oldest in this class. They go into the main ‘big’ nursery everyday for about half the morning and he’s been mixing well with the older children - some of whom are the same school year as he will be.

at the end of the summer term, beginning of July, his keyworkers started transitioning his class into the main nursery ready for September where they will be based all the time. Instead of going into their normal room we were asked to drop them
off in the big nursery. This is where the problems seem to have started from. The first day he screamed and clung on to me, didn’t want me to leave. I understand it’s a big change, even though he’s used to the big nursery and confident playing in there. He was apparently fine for the rest of the morning after I managed to leave. The remaining weeks of term it was hit and miss, some mornings he was ok at drop off, others not so good but always had a good time once there.

however, the night before his last day before summer hols, he was continuously saying he didn’t want to go to nursery and getting very uncharacteristically upset about it. So much so, I was worried something may have happened the day before. I spoke to his teachers and they reassured me he was very jolly and his normal self. But it was very worrying for me to see him so distressed and anxious like that. It’s very unlike him.

fast forward to yesterday, it’s the summer hols but I’d signed us up to go to a stat and play at his nursery, just to break up the long time away. I thought he would be fine as I was there with him. But nope, he wanted me to hold him/pick him up the whole time we were there. Didn’t want to play with anything, and continuously saying he wanted to go home. We managed 30mins of this until he got so upset we had to leave.

i’m now dreading September. I hate seeing him so worried and upset, but I know he enjoys it once he’s there. It’s just so stressful for me, and I spend the whole time he’s there feeling guilty ok forcing him to be somewhere he doesn’t want to be! Any advice on how I can help him get over/past this anxious stage?

Sorry just realised that’s a really long post!

I think speak to the key workers again for reassurance.

Summer nursery is an odd place because you have the ones about it go to school (big and scary!) still around. In September they'll all have gone and everything will settle down.

Is he missing any friends who are still in the younger room?

In terms of drop offs i always get my DC to pick a book from the reception to take into the room which helps the transition through the door in the morning.

@Kipperthedawg thanks for your reply! The key workers have been very reassuring and always send me photos when we’ve had a bad drop off and he looks like he’s having a great time! They say he’s one of the more confident out of the younger class once in the big nursery! I’m hoping once the new term starts in September and he’s one of the older children he might feel a bit more confident going in in the morning. The book idea is a good one, I will definitely be giving that a go!

The older kids can be brutes (my DC2 is one of them this week). They've already formed 'packs' and claim equipment as far as I can tell. I get a "Finley is a bad boy in the other group and we won't let them on the slide because we aren't allowed in the sandpit" report. Talk to the key workers and apparently this was a 2 mins incident in the entire day but obviously made an impression! I wonder if your ds has been on the end of something like this and feeling a bit worried. Once the older kids have all gone then he'll be able to settle in a bit more I bet.

I also found the key workers a bit more hands off in the older room, but they also did more shared care, so my ds isn't just close to his assigned key worker but all the key workers in there. Maybe ask him which one he prefers and you could have a word with him/her too as they might look out for him more.