To stop or not to stop breastfeeding? 16 months

[charliearm]

I just wondered if anyone had any insights into reducing breastfeeding at this age - and whether it's likely to help with sleep or make things worse?

For background, we've exclusively breastfed, fed to sleep and co-sleep. (Start the night off after transferring him to the cot though, and only bring him into bed if can't settle him by rocking).

I have tried and tried, but have never found a way to help him get to sleep without BF (apart from the pram/car). If he realizes he's being put in the cot or just lying down on the bed with me (without feeding), it's hysterical upset.

It's been like this since tiny, but obviously worse (as in I worry he'll hurt himself as so upset) now older! If I try to encourage him to just lie down, he just gets more and more manic and flings himself around. So at the moment, it's either BF or falling asleep after a long walk with the pram. OK in summer, but won't be so good in winter!

We still have multiple wakes during the night. I think because of teething a few nights ago, he wanted to feed/soothing what seemed like all night. As a result, I've got a cut on my nipple that isn't healing, making BF extremely painful.

Having said all this. I don't mind BF still. I really appreciate it as a lovely way to give my (extremely busy) little boy a moment of calm before his nap / falling asleep at night. But I would like to stop at some point...

I am torn, as I still haven't got my period back, and am considering the potential of a second child. Although again, not certain here.

I also wonder whether stopping might make sleep easier during the night? Or just harder, as more difficult to settle?

I've got no idea how to help him link slowing down / lying down with tiredness > sleep. If we're not BF, I'm worried that just crying it out would be the only alternative – but I'm really not keen for that. He's a determined fellow, and I just don't think it would be good for him.

Judy wondered if anyone had any insights or had been through similar? Sorry for the rambling post! Advice welcome. Thank you. Xx

I find my daughter sleeps better now that I don't breastfeed her at night, but it was a bit of a slog to move away from it. I think she only stopped trying to feed at night once I completely gave up feeding her at 18 months. My partner helped putting her to bed to help break the association with bed and breastfeeding.

We help settle her by having a night light with white noise, she has her particular toy in the cot, and we lie down next to her cot and sing for her. The singing is something DH always did to settle her, it might not work if he doesn't already have that association. It might be if you use all those things while you are feeding him to sleep for a week or so, you might have more chance of him getting to sleep without the breastfeeding afterwards. The other thing we do is have a much later bedtime than a lot of people, usually 8-8:30, which means she is definitely tired when we are putting her down

It's a bit of a tricky age - but you could night wean or start to hold a clearer boundary around not bedsharing, without giving up BF completely if you don't want to.

Personally I found that once I got clear about not bringing them into my bed, and committed to settling them in their own rooms, they stopped waking at night. I didn't do cry it out or anything which does mean I had an exhausting time for a while going to them when they woke, feeding to sleep and putting down.

They did then make the transition to lying down = falling asleep but this came later when they were a bit older, probably closer to/over 2. I never figured it out with DC this young either!

I am still bfeeding DS3 (almost 3) briefly before bed and then after a short while he will motion that he wants to go into his cot (yes he still sleeps in a cot - he has the option of a bed but prefers the cot) and from there he will fall asleep by himself now. Usually I stay for about 10 mins and then he wants Daddy to come and say goodnight so I send DH in, he tucks him in and then leaves.

Sometimes when he is very very tired he will fall asleep breastfeeding but that is happening less and less often. He is winding down from it now.

Oh and something that I had done with all three of them at various points is start trying to cut off BF when they are almost asleep but not quite, or when they have only just fallen asleep without waiting for them to fall off in a coma. If they are in a sleepy, relaxed enough state, then even though this disturbs them a bit, you can sometimes get them back off to sleep just by sort of ssssssshing/patting/jiggling/rocking and their sleepy momentum carries over to this.

This is really great because it's then building in those other cues as a sleep aid rather than only BF. Over time you'll get the hang of it more and more and be able to cut off BF earlier, or if they are having a fussy night where they want to be latched for hours you can say "No more now, all done" and they might be a bit upset, but actually within about 1-2 mins (count, because it feels longer!) then they just roll over and go to sleep (whereas any attempt I had tried earlier in life to not breastfeed would result in crying that ramped up and up).

It only worked for me by taking advantage of the heavy, almost-asleep state of sleepiness induced by BF but then once that was established as a cue, they were generally happy for me to stop BF a bit earlier, or I could start to put them down at that point rather than rocking because they were used to going back to sleep at that point anyway, and then they would start to ask for the bed.

I have done similar to @BertieBotts in terms of gradually stopping feeds when they are less asleep, eventually reaching the point where (at bedtime or in the night) I can say 'one more minute, then sleepytime' and they will either unlatch themselves or accept when I end the feed.

I have to admit with DD2, I never attempted to get her off feeding to sleep for naps – she had major, major FOMO, and the only way a much-needed nap was happening was the temptation of milk and cuddles.

Depending on your set up, you could also consider moving him fairly soon to a floor bed or a toddler bed/single bed with a guard rail, and then it's easier to settle him in his bed (or climb in with him), rather than transferring him into the cot or not really being able to cuddle him.

I breastfed DD1 until age 3.5 and am still breastfeeding DD2 at age 2.5, and both have been able to sleep through with no night feedings (DD1 at 12m, DD2 at 17m). So you shouldn't have to stop breastfeeding to get them to night wean and sleep through. I enjoyed breastfeeding and it was a really useful tool for comfort and also keeping DDs quiet when I needed them to be.

I still breastfeed DD2 to sleep and I haven't made much effort to get her to sleep more independently. It works with our routines and I like the whole experience of her nodding off while I breastfeed and sing lullabies. I transfer her to her cot bed and she doesn't stir, and sleeps through until 6.30am. She falls asleep without it at nap time in the buggy.

We co-slept for a while and I had to stop that to be able to stop the night feeds, she would just pull at my top all night when she wanted a feed. She is still in our room though, in a cot bed next to our bed. We had a few nights where we had to climb into the cot bed with her, and it was very cramped!

Thank you so so much everyone – so much useful advice. You've given me so much more hope and confidence. Thank you 😊