Toddler life - help!

[introvertmum101]

I am realised that I do not enjoy toddlers. This is my first child and it's exhausting. He is energetic and wants to be into everything and I love the bones of him for it, I love his passion for life and his personality.

But I by nature am someone who likes a quiet introvert life. I have medium energy levels in general, much prefer to be doing something relaxing and creative. I enjoy peaceful activities and my toddler has no peace 😂

He's not yet at the age I can bring him into my activities really. It becomes a giant mess and I get so overstimulated from the mess and clear up. I hate screen time yet find myself turning to it often. I find myself counting down the hours until nap or bedtime and I hate myself for it.

Please just tell me it gets easier

Excuse typos - typing while trying to get a rather cheeky toddler to go to sleep (WAY past bedtime...!)

I totally get you, my DS is so high energy compared to all of my friends' kids, he'd never sit still colouring or playing with cars or something 😅

I agree with others that I have to get out and about with him or we both go stir crazy at home and he climbs the furniture like some kind of mountain goat. Not sure how old your toddler is but I have found this year slightly easier (2.5yo) than this time last summer.

Yeah we do activities regularly, his nursery is also fantastic

Do you manage to get some quiet time when he's at nursery? I LOVE toddler stage and I'm quite an introverted, tired kind of person.

Do you have any walks near you? There's several places near me where there's no cars, the odd dog walker and not much else and my daughter just walks for hours which wears her out, she will pick up and discard a hundred stones, play with mud, pick blackberries, play with random leaves. You could listen to an audiobook or music or if you stop somewhere with interesting stones you could read. I am very much a barefoot, eat fruit of the bush and don't worry sort of person though, if you want to keep eyes on all the time then maybe not!

I also suffer with migraines and a slipped disc so on bad days I use activity boxes, I love a theme and enjoy making them but you could put in some stuff he likes, colouring, slime, toys etc and make sure you have a room which is toddler safe so you can relax and use first and then. 'First mummy is going to do the washing and then I will play with you' 'first mummy is going to put this toy away and then I will be making dinner' also let him help, while you're cleaning give him a sponge and a bit of water to clean the floor, if you're cooking give him something in a bowl to stir, let him help put washing in the basket and hand you the pegs to hang it etc

Oh I totally second the let them help.
DS absolutely LOVES helping. Putting washing out, tidying, cutting veg (with his toddler safe cutting tools - highly recommended!)

I find getting stuff done with a toddler actually quite easy!

I will, however, expect I may never pee alone ever again 😄 his new favourite thing when I say mummy needs a wee is to run and open the bathroom for me and pass me the toilet roll... one tiny sheet at a time....

@Cluelessfirstimer which cutting tools do you have? I've tried some but they really don't work!

Think this one. He got it for Christmas from a relative

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kids-Safe-Knife-Toddlers-Cooking/dp/B0D2D1RCX6/ref=asc_df_B0CSD67T7J/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18124611933599672286&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006466&hvtargid=pla-2281435178138&psc=1&mcid=f75d52c9e42a39e9bbfd9ff2096b23f6&hvocijid=18124611933599672286-B0CSD67T7J-&hvexpln=74&gad_source=1&th=1

Just a comment of support from another toddler mum of a very high energy toddler. Ignore the sanctimonious posters, they clearly had easy children and don’t even realise it.
There are toddlers and there are toddlers. The worst stage for me was the “Boddler” stage. Utterly unable to communicate more than 5 words but still with the big feelings, no sense of danger yet, and without the motor skills to really do much with them either. There’s not even all that much imaginative play at that stage either so it’s tedious.
Don’t feel guilty about the screen time. Screen time is fine if you’re using it interactively. So singing and dancing the songs along with toddler etc. not just parking them in front of it to passively watch. Those who bang on about how bad ALL screen time is just aren’t creative with it and that’s their problem.
I’m sure you do loads with your toddler. It’s just a case of keeping on going until you’re through the stage. As tedious and monotonous and, frankly, really not very rewarding as it seems, he really is learning and developing so much from it even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Agree with pp about getting out of the house as much as possible. I liked doing structured classes with my toddler, we do at least one a day and base the morning around it as travel time and snack afterwards would take up a bit of time. I make a packed lunch up every night for both of us, and a rucksack with everything we need for the day, then once I leave the house around 9am I don't come back until around 3.30pm (because I need to do school run for older dc, you could be out later if just one dc).

DC naps in the buggy but will wake if I stop pushing, so I go for long afternoon walks pushing one handed and browsing my phone with the other hand. The rest of the time is spent doing other unstructured stuff - playgrounds, library, stay and plays, soft play, museums and galleries.

She has loads of energy and I need a variety of places to keep days out interesting otherwise I get bored. I'm very introverted and not very sociable, so I don't do play dates or chatting to other mums at toddler groups (DC goes to toddler groups but I tend to interact with her and mostly ignore the other adults).

😆 I love that he does that, rationing your toilet paper bless him!

@Elliesmumma thank you for this. What sort of interactive screen time do you use?

My little girl loves Ms Rachel and although so many people hate the voice (it’s pretty… unique) kids love it. She uses lots of techniques to encourage language (repetition, pausing for the child to fill in gaps in familiar songs or phrases) that I started using with my little girl with a lot of success. People always say “just talk to them” but actually it’s not a case of just talking to them, it’s encouraging back and forth in a positive way. I’ve certainly learnt a lot myself. Oh and there is a strong emphasis on phonics too, which I think is great.
I use some basic sign language with my little one as well and I was getting a bit miffed at the American signs in Ms Rachel, so I started watching a British version called Ms Apple that I find really good too. Much calmer, British accent and British sign language too.
Any songs with actions and dance moves are always a winner for us; Head, shoulders, knees and toes, the wheels on the bus etc. so we sing and dance together. Like I say, it’s not just about parking them in front of a screen, it’s about sharing the experience together.

Totally agree there are toddlers and toddlers. I have one with about 100 times the energy of his playmates, with lower sleep needs. It's self evident at any of then gazillion activities we go to and from various friends and acquaintances on and offline who have same age kids with such a wide range of energy and sleep needs (we also have a very experienced nanny who seconds this).

It is very very hard work right now (2 y o)!

And I'd also like to add my two fingers to the sanctimonious cunts who've popped up on here to shame you for acknowledging honestly that it can be an exhausting, relentless and mind numbing slog. Hope they all get the teenage phase they deserve!

Hope you’re feeling better today OP

It's tricky when your toddler's interests and energy doesn't match yours. i found my middle children tough in that regard. One in particular was a bundle of manic energy when he was a toddler. I did all the things you're supposed to do e.g
Lots of outside time and exercise, but I found it exhausting!

It will get better, but it will take quite a long time - a boisterous toddler does not generally turn into a quiet, bookish 4yo... They learn control over time. So you need some ideas to help you through.

Is your DH very energetic? Can he help wear out your toddler?

Do you have things for your toddler to wear themsves out on?outside and inside? We have a small trampoline indoors which is great, and a slide outside with a chair nearby for me.

It sound like you take him to playgrounds but find this tougher during holidays because of big kids? Earlier in the day they tend to be quieter, try getting out straight after breakfast.

Are you this nasty irl, Troll?

@TinyTeachr I love this idea of getting things in the house for him. Thank you! We have a small garden but could definitely fit a toddler trampoline in, will discuss with DH about buying one