Struggling since having 2 children

[Spiceeee23456]

Hello All,

Mummy of two aged 1 and 3.
First DC a girl and second a boy.
Since having my second I seem to continuously struggle with parenting, relationships and knowing who I am. Feel like I’ve lost myself somewhere along the way.

Everything seems so so stressful. From getting up in the morning, mealtimes, housework, having a life, knowing what I want. I feel continuously on edge And I am questioning myself all the time and comparing myself to others. I just feel so lost.

anyone else feel this way? Any tips?

thank you ☺️

Two is rough, and the current ages of your children are the absolute pits.

Mine are 6.5 and 2.5 and it's slowly getting easier.

Hang in there

Thank you ❤️

Sure you are doing the best job ❤️

Those ages and age gaps are intense, but it should get easier as they grow, then you can raise your head out of the sand!

Until then, delegate, outsource if finances allow and accept and ask for help as much as you can!

I think you also need to just turn down the pressure, as the more stressed you are the more the kiddies will be as they really feed off you at that age.Parent for them, not for others around you whose opinions don't matter.If your babies are happy that's the main thing.

And comparison is the thief of joy! Sure you're doing a fine job.

Literally the most boring, horrid ages.
I would hate weekends. Literally skipped into work.

8 and 6 now and love my family time.

It is hard! I felt exactly the same. My eldest was an easy baby and toddler. My second was a wild thing and that was a bug shock to the system, as well as managing 2 toddlers. No advice really, just keep going, but encouragement that it does get easier. Mine are 2.5 and 4.5 now. I am getting gradually longer periods of time during the day when they are both busy playing together. I also feel taking them both out and about has gotten so much easier. I have also gotten more relaxed with my expectations and putting less pressure on myself. So far this summer I have really enjoyed most of our days out and family time. I'm still not good at taking time for myself or doing things for me. So agree with you about losing myself and now trying to rediscover who I am.

Thank you all for the lovely,empathetic responses (so draining at times isn’t it, even though we adore them). Will keep hanging in there knowing it will get better.
@otravezempezamos work is break, isn’t it

It totally is (especially if like me you love your work - I am very fortunate there, can’t imagine how it would be to hate both work and not enjoying being at home).
It will get better.

Hey 👋 having your second is the hardest jump i think, i have 5 but definitely still think going from 1 to 2 was the most stressful, i was also younger and worried what people would think/compare parenting, it is easy to lose yourself in the everyday slug of parenting and housework, but it does get easier to find yourself as they get more independent you get a bit more ‘me time’ to start/continue hobbies that you like etc mine are now 14dd 12ds 9dd&ds (twins) and 7monthsdd and although i have a 7 month old i have learnt over the years to make time for myself to feel like me and not just mummy slave lol stop comparing yourself to other/ caring what other think, its pointless and you can never make everyone happy, as long as you/ your children are happy thats all the confirmation you need that you are doing a good job 👍🏻 hang in there xx

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, but you've already had some great responses! Thank you for starting this thread because I feel the exact same. I've got a nearly 4 year old who is mega intense and I suspect neurodivergent in some way but time will tell, and a nearly 1 yr old. My second child is under 4 different departments at hospital (nothing major: small heart murmur, CMPA, eye problems) and we also have 2 businesses. I have never felt so exhausted, fed up, and lost in my life. I have some lovely moments that bring so much joy, but some days feel like a hamster wheel that I can't get off 🙃

Ah more great responses which have made me feel stronger and made me smile!

Thank you!

I feel like there is so much judgement and competition in the parenting world, it’s almost like going back to playground mentality!

I now vow to go easy on myself as a golden rule; it’s the first stepping stone!

@Avie29 you sound like you got this! Mum of 5! Wow!

@Createcomet sounds so very stressful, hang in there, have you started any assessment processes for your almost four year old? Good luck 😘

I've got a 3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy too, and I can assure you that I'm a total mess!! I'm a stay at home mum and absolutely exhausted. My 2 are a joy and the light of my world, but this is without doubt the hardest time of my life

Its a tough run. I've got a 7yo, twin 3 to and an 8 month old. I am DREADING the baby getting mobile as it's just going to make everything so hard! At the moment she is plonked down while I cook, while I bathe her older brothers..... no idea how to cope when she did stay put!

You'll get through it. My DH was saying today how much more grown up our boys seem all of a sudden and how much easier it makes things. You'll be there soon enough.

That stage is HARD. I'm a teacher, and used to dread school holidays at that age, as I found parenting so exhausting. Mine are 6 and 3 now, and while it's still tiring, it is getting easier. I know that doesn't help now, but knowing it's not forever may help a little.

I once had a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I now have a 27 year old and a 25 year old and I don't quite know how that happened... (I also have a 3rd!)

Let your standards slip a little. Be content to be good enough. Nobody is ever perfect. Totally ignore the 'competition' - it really is not and never was a 'competition'! Try and find the light and joy amongst the drudgery. It's there. Take all the help and support you can get. It's the biggest cliche ever, and I used to inwardly roll my eyes when it was said to me, but childhood passes so much more quickly than you ever imagine, so make the most of it x

Thank you all for more lovely messages! They really are making me smile!

Feeling positive and stronger, ready to just do “us” with my kids

❤️

honestly never in my whole life i have two boys 2 and 4 and my god everyday getting out of bed is struggle i feel trapped and like i can’t breathe it’s just me and the kids 24/7
im struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel

I wonder, almost a year on how are you finding things? I’m in the same position (DD will turn 3 in August and DS is 1). Struggling.

I just found this post too on a Google search.
I have a 23 month old and a 5 year old in year R.
i am finding things so tough right now and I’m feeling quite low. I’ve recently started running again to try and have a bit more me time but I haven’t been in so long my muscles have lost their memory so even that feels like a slog, it’s nice to get fresh air and listen to music though.

i am hoping OP can say life is easier now ☺️