Secretly relieved I am infertile

[breadandroses1992]

Does it mean that I don't really want a child.

I have been ttc for a year and prior to that we used withdrawal method from 2015 to 2023. We are undergoing infertility investigations. I am 32 this year.

But when the pregnancy test shows up as negative or when I am thinking about it, I do feel a mixture of sadness as well as relief. Sadness that I may not become a mum (though a part of me thinks it would probably happen one day and I often talk hypothetically about our 'child') but relief that if it doesn't happen, we wouldn't need to move from our little flat ever, I wouldn't need to worry about juggling work and baby, more time to travel and it's all out of my hands.

I don't recognize the distress that other people experience on the ttc forums and I am not sure I want to do ivf

What does this mean.

Please tell me if it's not the correct forum for this and I need to shift it to 'childfree mumsnetters' or something

When I was early 30’s I was also unsure, I was hoping for an accident so I didn’t have to make the decision. Then everyone around me started having baby’s and 40 got closer and I realised my partner and I HAD to make the decision. We have been on nhs ivf waiting lists for 18 months now and just a few months from starting treatment.

I’m not super maternal and if the IVF doesn’t work, I’ll be sad, but I’ll get another dog, pursue my hobbies and live happily ever after. It’s the limbo that I find hard. I think there’s nothing wrong in deciding motherhood is not for you, or holding off for another few years. Would you consider freezing your eggs to give future you a better chance?

@breadandroses1992 I think its ok to acknowledge that the prospect of starting a family is daunting, even if you want it very much. Its a massive change to your life. And IVF is challenging physically and emotionally. I think its normal to have mixed emotions, but I do think you do need to listen to yourself, and try to decipher is this is just normal apprehension about your life changing, or whether you actually just don't want kids now (or in the future). Its ok to take some time when you're at crossroads to consider what you want. We went into fertility treatment (same sex couple needing a sperm donor) both acknowledging that whilst we wanted to start a family, it would be ok if it didn't happen, and we'd still have a good life. I can still see the 'alternative' life we could have had with no children, and can still see it would have been a good life. But I'm still happy it did work for us and we have a DD and expecting a sibling. Its ok to be open to both possibility of life with children and one without, but you do need to make sure you wont regret your decision either way if you choose to pursue either one.

Yes, I think you need to move forums. No one on here is secretly relieved to be infertile.

@breadandroses1992 nobody here can tell you if you really want a child or not. I really am glad for you that you don’t feel the same distress others feel when seeing a BFN or af arriving because it is really horrible and all consuming for some of us. Anyway it is no harm getting some tests done and thinking a bit more about it before making any decisions. There could be a simple reason for your infertility, and there are other options aside from ivf depending on the cause. Hope the testing gives you some answers at least, then you can decide what you want to do. At your age you hopefully have a bit of time on your hands.