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Feel like giving up!

2 replies

Justadad95 · 03/08/2024 20:03

This is a long one so I do apologise!
Me and the Ex have a CAU in place now I’ll admit I should have saw the signs but a few days before court she wanted us to try again and I agreed. So naturally her wanting to be resident parent I agreed to as I guess I had my rose tinted glasses back on. Mistake number 1!!
Things was working fine up until June this year when our son (now 8) wanted to live with me. Now I didn’t know this until I had dropped him off and on my way home I received multiple messages from her practically begging me to allow him to live with me.
Honestly I’d have loved nothing more but the guilt of feeling that took over and I convinced him to go back providing a few changes was made. (Change of school, didn’t go to a certain family members house & he wanted to go park a few times a week)
easily enough to do! I got the school change in place however after just two weeks the other changes stopped and he went back to being indoors all the time or at the family members house who kids bully him.
my child also has a rare condition which means it’s highly risky for him to be around animals.. his mum has gone and brought a dog. I raised my concerns but again rose tinted glasses and she was able to manipulate me into thinking it would be alright.
mistake number 2!!
fast forwarded to now.
I recently found out that she had no intention of actually being a family again and was just manipulating me into believing that while she worked out if she wanted to be with this other guy!
Now the rose tinted glasses are off and I’m on treatment for depression, anxiety and now PTSD I feel incredibly guilty for not spotting the signs on how truly unhappy my son is with his mum.
last night he told her he didn’t want to live with her anymore and wanted to live with me still. So that’s 2 1/2 months now of him constantly saying it.
she has refused because we’re not on good terms to the point she won’t even acknowledge me when trying to speak to her about things I need to collect for my child I,e more medication ect (it’s specialised meds that a delivery company drop off)
we agreed I’d have him for the full 6 weeks and she has now gone back on that.
I want him to live with me & he wants that to. He genuinely is a happier child with me. I treat him better. He says I’m the only person who makes him feel loved and wanted.
so on the grounds that 1) she has a dog that is a huge risk to his health and 2) her last month saying she wants him to live with me for the reason that he’s happier with me. Are these enough grounds for me to breach the CAU and not return him? And then try seek help to fight for him to live with me.

OP posts:
Froniga · 03/08/2024 21:58

Justadad95 · 03/08/2024 20:03

This is a long one so I do apologise!
Me and the Ex have a CAU in place now I’ll admit I should have saw the signs but a few days before court she wanted us to try again and I agreed. So naturally her wanting to be resident parent I agreed to as I guess I had my rose tinted glasses back on. Mistake number 1!!
Things was working fine up until June this year when our son (now 8) wanted to live with me. Now I didn’t know this until I had dropped him off and on my way home I received multiple messages from her practically begging me to allow him to live with me.
Honestly I’d have loved nothing more but the guilt of feeling that took over and I convinced him to go back providing a few changes was made. (Change of school, didn’t go to a certain family members house & he wanted to go park a few times a week)
easily enough to do! I got the school change in place however after just two weeks the other changes stopped and he went back to being indoors all the time or at the family members house who kids bully him.
my child also has a rare condition which means it’s highly risky for him to be around animals.. his mum has gone and brought a dog. I raised my concerns but again rose tinted glasses and she was able to manipulate me into thinking it would be alright.
mistake number 2!!
fast forwarded to now.
I recently found out that she had no intention of actually being a family again and was just manipulating me into believing that while she worked out if she wanted to be with this other guy!
Now the rose tinted glasses are off and I’m on treatment for depression, anxiety and now PTSD I feel incredibly guilty for not spotting the signs on how truly unhappy my son is with his mum.
last night he told her he didn’t want to live with her anymore and wanted to live with me still. So that’s 2 1/2 months now of him constantly saying it.
she has refused because we’re not on good terms to the point she won’t even acknowledge me when trying to speak to her about things I need to collect for my child I,e more medication ect (it’s specialised meds that a delivery company drop off)
we agreed I’d have him for the full 6 weeks and she has now gone back on that.
I want him to live with me & he wants that to. He genuinely is a happier child with me. I treat him better. He says I’m the only person who makes him feel loved and wanted.
so on the grounds that 1) she has a dog that is a huge risk to his health and 2) her last month saying she wants him to live with me for the reason that he’s happier with me. Are these enough grounds for me to breach the CAU and not return him? And then try seek help to fight for him to live with me.

I would be very careful not to breach the order that you have regarding contact. You can make an application at court to have the order varied. Depending on the age of your son he may be considered old enough to be listened to as to who he wishes to live with. If you have details of the CAFCAS officer who was previously appointed maybe you could speak with them and ask advice.
Hope you can sort this out for you and your son.

Justadad95 · 04/08/2024 11:43

It’s not something I want to do lightly and I’m hoping I can get things sorted before it comes to actually breaching the order. He is 8 so I’m hoping this time round his wishes will be heard.
I still have the old contact information for the cafcass worker but I thought once court is done you can no longer contact them?

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