Bring sibling to party?

[moorin]

My eldest is going to a friends party this weekend (aged 7).

It's in a massive softplay but only a few of her friends.

I'm considering taking my youngest along (but obviously not expecting them to pay for her food. They have all preordered, so I would just buy her food when there).

I'm worried it looks cheeky bringing her along. I don't want them to feel bad that they haven't got food for her etc. I'm also worried that her friends will all want to play with our youngest (age 4), as they all find her really cute and make a fuss.

Would you take her along?

In principle taking a sibling to a party venue and paying all their costs is perfectly reasonable, how could anyone object to that but if you know that the sibling will likely distract the party guests then no, that's not fair - drop and leave with the sibling

Ask the host. Can you take the older one if the younger one can’t go?

" I'm also worried that her friends will all want to play with our youngest (age 4), as they all find her really cute and make a fuss."

Please let your 7-year-old be at this party as herself, a friend of the birthday girl, and NOT as just the big sister of the cute 4-year-old. The food thing is neither here nor there, of course you should be paying for her because she's not an invitee to the party. And since she's not an invitee but you anticipate her being drawn in to the party - don't take her. Your eldest deserves that.

Will other parents actually be going? At 7, generally I’d expect people to drop and run. I’d ask the hosts if they’d like parents to stay or preferred they go. If they say they’d like you to stay, just say you’d be happy to and you’ll bring your younger dd along and pay for her entry. Then just steer clear of everyone. I suspect a bunch of 7 year olds won’t really want to play with a 4 year old for long. Get her lunch and drinks and sit separate from the party, etc.

No

Ideally, I wouldn't. Can't you drop off your 7 year old, then go and do something elsewhere with your 4 year old? You don't need to stay at a 7 year old's birthday party.

I really don't think it's very fair on your oldest to expect your four year old to join in with her friend's party.
Yes, you say you'd pay for her, but you've also said you expect the other party goers will make a fuss of her.
This is a party for your seven year old and her friends.
Please don't gatecrash it with her 4 year old sister.

It seems incredibly unfair on your 7 year old. It would be much kinder to let her be the friend and enjoy the party with her same aged peers instead of being sidelined to the sister of the cute 4 year old who all her friends want to fuss over.

Drop and run and let her enjoy the party in peace.

I wouldn't it will spoil the feel of the party if they wanted siblings they would have said. Do something else with the 4 year old don't start I must have the same as the other sibling

Please don't do this - it's not fair on the hosts of the party if their child. The host will feel as though they have to provide good for your youngest plus cake, treats and a party bag. Quite frankly it is very rude. I used to hate this when my children were younger

it's not just about money and covering costs. Seven year olds know who they want at their parties and even if you're 100% sure the birthday child and your older child didn't mind including the four year old, it puts pressure on the parents hosting. At four she will know your older child's friends and will play with them all no matter how big the soft play. Even if you take her away when it's time to eat, the younger child is likely to be annoyed to not continue the party with the others so could make it awkward for everyone. Hosts will have to worry about including the uninvited child in things like seating, food, games, party bags etc.

It's also likely that she isn't the only sibling who isn't invited so it could also make it tricky for the hosts with other parents who haven't asked for an invitation for their other children but see this sibling seemingly joining the party.

If you can take her somewhere else, that would be the ideal situation for the birthday child, your own elder child, the hosts and any parents of other party guests with siblings.

It's also good to get them used to knowing that not everything is for them and sometimes they'll go to parties and sometimes they're just not invited.

Thanks all.

My gut says not to take her because it isn't really fair on my eldest. She wants to play with her friends in her own right and not be followed around by her little sister.

In terms of it being rude, the person holding the party has brought her eldest along to several of my Daughters party's.

I didn't want to make her feel awkward with the food and like someone else said, Party bag etc, she might feel bad etc.

I'll leave her with my partner.

Thanks for your thoughts

I had many many birthday parties when my children were younger and never once did I feel as though I had any responsibility for providing food or party bags for uninvited siblings and at a soft play I really don't think any other parents did. Have times changed so much?

The friend will have a job telling you it’s not on when they do the same. Can you arrange a play date for youngest instead

I did similar when my ds (2) was invited to a soft play party, I messaged the birthday child’s mum to ask if it was okay to bring dd (4) and said I’d happily pay for entry and food separately the mum was lovely and actually said they had space and could join in the party.

You need to ask the hosts. Most of the time it's paying per guest for use of the thing. I wouldn't take them at all. I have 3 kids with just 19mth between the last 2 and when my 3yr old is invited I don't take my 2yr old too. They deserve their own time with their own friends. Only time the little ones went anywhere the eldest did it was to drop off and go because it wasn't fair on him. I would personally say no because come on have you seen older kids in soft play? They lose all inhibitions while having fun, running all over the place even in the under 5s bit, they're loud, rough and very clumsy. I would say no just because I would not want to feel guilty if your young child was hurt by accident.

I wouldn't. Lovely as your youngest child may be, the invite is for your oldest. It's a party for her friends, her co-horts, she has a right to make bonds without her little sister tagging along.
Although the girls are family they are also individuals, and it's important for their development that they are able to act as such.

You should only really take the younger sibling if you don’t have anyone else to look after her and it’s a choice between taking younger sibling too or older child not being able to go to the party.

If that’s the case then also definitely contact the parents holding the party and ask if they would mind and let them know that you’ll keep her away from the party and will provide food for her etc.

Why are you taking her?

That's probably what OP wants 🤔

I always ask the party child’s parent if I can bring the youngest and say I don’t expect food etc

If the softplay is hired for the party on an exclusive basis then don’t take the youngest, if it’s a little side room with access to the softplay then no problem taking the sibling.