Transition to high school advice

[TrioG]

Hi

my daughter is transitioning to high school in September and in preparation I asked my niece (who has been out of education off and on for the last three years) who left school last year about advice with schools and bags etc.

my niece has had a terrible time fitting in at school, linked to her need to be one of the popular kids, alongside mental health issues and has in the past gone missing for days with the wrong kind of friends who she has desperately tried to be fit in with.

Her advice to me is was make sure my daughter has a certain brand of handbag, trainers and socks to mention a few,
to make sure she doesn’t get picked on.

my daughter has always been a conformist and hates to stand out and be different and would be mortified if she was singled out by teachers for not wearing the right uniform.

as much as I appreciate my nieces advice I don’t want to share any of it with my daughter, but I also don’t want my daughter to turn up on the first day being ‘different’ ie the wrong brand of socks/shoes/bag … should I let
daughter pick what she feels comfortable in/with and let her find her own path ?

my daughter is likely to be ‘a good girl’ at school which my niece started off like but gradually ended up desperately trying to be a cool kid with bad behaviour and wouldn’t conform to the rules.

should I follow my heart and support my daughter with her choices or take heed of the words or advice from the niece ?

Do girls really use a handbag for school these days instead of backpacks ?

thanks

Some girls do take handbags yes and my DD chose to in Y8 but gave up when she realised just how uncomfortable they are being hooked a mile each way and around school all day.

I'd encourage your DD to ask her friends from Primary school which bags they're getting

Oh and you might get a few more replies if you post in the Secondary Education section

If your daughter is rule abiding I would stick with the uniform policy which most secondary schools seem very strict on these days. She’s not going to want detentions.

However thinking about the right bag and coat is helpful. Does she have friends going so they could discuss what they will have.

More importantly maybe is helping her independence over the holidays so she knows what to expect, has been allowed some freedom and feels more confident if possible.

To be honest I don't think your niece is the best person to go to for advice.

She had a difficult experience, which will result in a biased response, plus she's older - and fashions change constantly. What she had may well be out of fashion now.

Plus your dd is a different person! Let her choose for herself rather than forcing her to conform to some arbitrary standard.