Hello I just needed advice from other people who may have been through the same thing I’ve been going through for the past year and a half.
I don’t like my mother in laws partner she’s made rude comments towards me made me feel very unwelcome in there home and hasn’t treated me in the best of ways, so I already had a bad impression of her and I had only been with my partner for 3/4 months. I fell pregnant and straight away my mother in law referred her partner as being called “nana” which I wasn’t okay with, she was being rude with me and saying hurtful things so why should I allow her to have that title to my baby. My partner also agreed with how I felt but didn’t want to say anything, he didn’t want to cause any arguments and put stress on me. As times gone on my baby is nearly 4 months now and we’ve allowed my mother in laws partner to be apart of our daughters life and we’re fine with her holding her or playing with her but we’re still not okay with her being called nanna. My partner decided to actually tell his mum a few months back how he felt how I felt and what we didn’t like, his mum was shocked we felt like that and basically told us it’s not fair to not involve her partner but that’s not what we were trying to do we were actually just saying she can still be apart of her life but not to be referred to as “nana”. So with us telling her how we felt we thought things would change but things only got worse his mum was pushing onto our baby quite a lot that she has two nanas (I know our baby is young and doesn’t understand but it’s not the point when she does understand it’s not fair that’s been pushed onto her) We also kindly asked his mum if she could stop pushing onto our daughter that her partner was her nana (when we didn’t want that) and that we’d allow our daughter to decide when she’s older on her own but until then we do not want it to be pushed onto her that much that she just automatically calls her nana without getting to think about it. He then spoke with his mum again about the situation and said the same thing as last time, and yet again his mum is still calling her partner “nana” and says it to our daughter as well, we honestly do not know what to do about it, some people will say why not just allow it but we don’t want to we’re not keen on the person, she’s very controlling of his mother and doesn’t seem to let her have a good relationship with her grandchild, always has to stick her nose into every conversation that’s had, we can’t send things personally to his mum we have to send it to a group chat so she also can see what’s been said or any photos, she’s just toxic and I just do not like that, as a mum I should be allowed to place boundaries and rules and for people to listen them and follow them but they don’t seem to want to. What worries us more than anything is if my mother in law wants to have our daughter over night or for the day that the whole nana thing is going to get pushed onto her and we’re not going to know about it. Any advice is welcome.