Toddler tantrums

[Iamthenewdad]

Ever had a toddler that answers back? Won't respond to talking, explaining, shouting, even negotiating.

Ever had people say "the key is to be persistent" but you can repeat the same thing 1000 times over 3 hours and still get nowhere?

Ever feel like you've exhausted every option and no matter what you do, you can stop your child from being naughty and get them out of a tantrum that is like world war 3 or worse and it happens multiple times a day.

Tantrums can be over getting dressed, getting undressed, eating, not eating, getting in the car, getting out the car, putting a nappy on, taking a nappy off, going home, not going home, going into a store, not going into a store.

Putting them on the naughty step doesn't working, taking things away doesn't work, putting them in their room doesn't work. Trying to keep calm and be nice doesn't work. Trying to help them regulate with breathing doesn't work. Trying to talk and explain things doesn't work. Trying to negotiate doesn't work. They answer back, they tell you off. Thinking the only hope is to put the fear of God into them by raising your voice to a whole new level and....they just scream and you in your face.

The only way out of any tantrum is to give them what they want...even if that means to sleep with their shoes on in bed because that's what the meltdown is about because that tantrums can go on for hours and hours and hours.

Theyre fine 80% of the day but as soon as it comes to doing something they don't want to do..any of the above listed... That's it... Atom bomb....

Dying inside.... Feel free to help.

Yep I had one of those. They do grown out of it mostly.
Can do the we will get our coats then get in the car would you like to take the blue toy car or the yellow truck?
come on get in the buggy, here hold the crisps (one in each hand) whilst I strap you in.
these are the sorts of things I had to do

Distraction technique. Will give that a bash. It has worked before, but sometimes it doesn't and she just launches whatever I'm distracting with, but it's been awhile, so will try that again as it might be worth a shot.

How old? I like the Janet Lansbury tips mostly for toddlers. Love her "confident momentum" and "I won't let you do that" and just being completely chilled and unshakeable.

If you engage with them and start arguing back and forth, you have lost. If you're trying to control them or win, you have lost. You can't control anybody (even a very small child) at least not without getting into fear/intimidation, which is not recommended.

You don't usually need to get them out of a tantrum - if you just wait, it will run its course.

It is much easier to control the environment rather than trying to control the child. Limit the opportunity they have to be "naughty" (which is often actually just experimentation/curiosity, or trying to get some control in a world which is very confusing and outside of their control, or just lack of understanding of the real-world consequences).

And pick your battles. Sleeping with shoes on? It doesn't matter. It's also a million times easier to take the shoes off when they are asleep compared to when they are screaming and flailing their legs around. Walking outside in bare feet when there is broken glass? I'd insist on shoes or being carried in that case.

There is a really great book called When Your Kids Push Your Buttons which I love, I think it's 99p on Kindle. It's worth that outlay for sure. It goes into loads of stuff like why children do what they do, why it winds us up so much, what might lead into that, how to change your perspective on stuff and some useful tips as well.