IME you basically have two options to manage this kind of thing.
The first one is finding something you can use as a kind of "currency" which is completely within your control, and which doesn't require any cooperation from him to enforce e.g. screen time if you can lock a device remotely, wifi, pocket money, activity you have to drive him to, specific activity done with you etc (that kind of thing). Just beware especially with ASD, that you are not taking away a tool which he uses to self-regulate aka "re-charge" from the stress of the world. Like you wouldn't ever take away a young child's comfort blanket as a punishment. Some children with ASD use screen time in this way, for example, so sometimes, restricting it can cause them to have MORE explosive behaviour.
Then you need a structured list of expectations with very very clear tick boxes, and it's all externalised. He can rail against you all he likes, but he can't argue with the chart. (It does not have to be a physical chart. It's just the fact that it is an inanimate, consistent, unchanging system. It makes it extremely predictable, which is helpful for people with ASD.)
You do have to be absolutely consistent with it - you can't add extra punishments or dangle an extra reward, this is extremely stressful for an autistic child. If you're offering extra treats, don't make them conditional on behaviour. It has to be thought through, it must be fair, clear, and achievable, everything outside the scope of the chart essentially needs to be disregarded, or at least no penalty given, and if you want to change something it has to be done "properly" through the chart (and don't keep changing it constantly). Positive reinforcement is also really really key - beware of designing the system in such a way that it's possible for him to end up with nothing to lose.
The important thing about this is that it takes the heat out of the moment and reduces arguments and shouting and so on because you defer to the chart, and he can't argue with the chart.
Good resources for this would be:
Yale ABCs of Everyday Parenting course (Coursera)
Who's In Charge book by Eddie Gallagher (but skip 90% of it, and just read the bit about behaviour management - starting at "Acceptable and Unacceptable Behaviour". Most of it is totally useless, and it's insanely long.)
ADHD Dude on Youtube/he has a podcast too.
Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline (weird title but great book esp for tips to keep calm, actually most of this is useful for the second, less-structured approach too.)
Google "Token Economy Systems".
This does all have the downside that once you take away the chart, the behaviours might not stick. Sometimes when you take it away, they are more mature or the habit has formed, so it is not needed any more. But sometimes without that "scaffolding" they haven't actually built the skill or understood why it was necessary, so the behaviour goes away.
I find all of that way too stressful, probably because of my own ADHD, so I prefer the second approach which is much lower demand: Learn as much as you can about the autistic experience. Awareness/understanding of their nervous system and what state they are in at any time and how to support different states. Likely some awareness of sensory processing, maybe add/remove some sensory input. More of a problem solving/collaborative approach e.g. Ross Greene. Hearing their side and their point of view. Working with them at their pace, rather than being a solid wall for them to butt against. It's much slower. You can only really make progress with one or two things at a time. However, IME, it is generally much more lasting and genuine progress, and it might be less stressful for the child.
Good resources:
The Out of Sync Child
Mona Delahooke Beyond Behaviours
Ross Greene The Explosive Child
Stuart Shanker's Self-Reg
You are heading towards puberty territory, so it's likely a good idea to see where you fit between either approach, before you get there. It's not like you can never change your approach but it's easier if you start out knowing what kinds of approaches tend to work.
Honestly, which way to choose, I think this is probably just like the sleep train vs cosleep argument all over again (sorry!) and people do typically have very strong views about the approach they don't choose. If you choose an approach with the reasoning that you feel it is likely to lead to the better outcome for your child, you're probably right. If you choose something based on it being more realistic for you to do well, that's also a good reason to choose it. If you are choosing the first based on something like not actually believing in ASD, or choosing the second because you can't bear being in opposition to your child, then it's likely going to go badly (and I think that's where the horror stories come from.) Also, no parenting approach is magic. You will all have bad days. Have empathy for your child, but also yourself. I think Ross Greene's words are helpful for everybody: Kids do well when they can (and parents do too).