Son is unhappy with house move

[WittyGuide]

My son last night told me he is unhappy with our house move and I don't know how to help. We have recently moved from social housing to our own 3 bed house. It is in a quiet area compared to where we previously lived and at first my son seemed OK with the move, no tantrums or tears. But last night he admitted he is unhappy and wishes he was closer to his friends still. We have only moved 10mins away, I drop him off and pick him up everytime he requests, he has chosen how to redecorate his new room, which I made sure I did first so he has his own space. Nothing changed with school, he gets a taxi to and from as he goes to a specialist school as he struggles with academics. Up until last night I thought he was coping really well, I picked him up with his peddle bike as he said we live to far away from where he plays with friends to peddle back and he told me how he was feeling. It broke my heart, I don't know how to make it better for him, I want him to be happy in his new home and I am worried this unhappiness will turn to depression as he is at the already difficult age of 14 where hormones are all over. Any advice on how I can make this better.

You’ve moved 10 minutes away, not to another country. It not unreasonable for him to get on his bike and ride to meet his friends so don’t give In when he says it’s too far to ride otherwise you’re pandering to him being weak and lazy.

Explain to him that you’ve moved house to better your lives and that change takes time to get used to. Give it a few weeks and it will all be normal. Invite his friends round to hang out and just get on with the new normal.

Have you moved 10 minutes away by foot or 10 minutes by car?

sell up and move back? or the harsh reality and i know poeple will come for me for this, tell you 14 year old son to suck it up and make the best of it.

you've moved 10 minutes away from his friends not to the other side of the world. he's 14, hes old enough to understand you want a better life for yourselves and for him?

If he's 14 then playing out with friends will soon be a thing of the past. I had to make a similar move at the same age and mine just meets his friends places. I rarely have to give lifts as he just uses public transport or his bike. They don't play out anymore but will meet up to go swimming/play football etc. I think all you can do is facilitate for now but he'll be grown up before you know it.

You really can't do anymore than you already are. And it's something he will just have to get used to.

Now is probably a good time to have a chat with him about how at times in the future there will be bigger changes that he will have to just get used to as he grows up. Things don't stay the same. But he still has to just get on with things.

How far do you mean by ten minutes op? That's quite key. 10 mins as in 10 miles on a motorway, or 10 mins walk as in 500m. Public transport?

That aside, it sounds like you pander a lot to your child which doesn't ever work in the long run.

You have to do what is best for you. When he is 18 he can rent a place anywhere near his friends. It is only 4 years, long term you have your own new home.

Yes it can be sad when you move home but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, and usually over time they become ok

Is the bike ride dangerous that he can't cycle it safely home at 14?

This is good advice. My parents made a similar move (20 mins walk away) when I was 14 and I really struggled with it. They did all you have done and I don't think they could have done any more. For me the walk to see friends was harder in the evening because there was a no go zone in between of the local High Street - at night it was ruled by teenage tearaways and I did once try walking through and came home with a black eye. Could something like that be at play? My parents had no idea that's what life was like for a teen in my town (this was a long time ago mind you) l. Also 14 is a sensitive age and anything that upsets the friends/social balance feels exaggerated. That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong by moving, and he will adjust, it just might take some time.