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How to know if 2under2 is the correct direction?

4 replies

MumEll · 29/07/2024 10:56

We have a lil baby boy Myles who is almost 8 month old.
Based on our lives we’ve decided that having another little devil is what we kind of want? We’re considering trying as soon as next month or next August the latest.

I did ask in a Reddit forum and not many people are a fan of the 2under2 life style 😂

Our reasons for wanting another one so soon;

  • it took well over a year of trying for our little one, I’m 24 but have PCOS, if we had it our way we would have had him at 22. As fertility is higher postpartum our chances are more likely to happen?
  • we still have all Myles baby stuff I.e., multiple bouncers, car seat (he’s upgrading his next month because he’s a chunk) and more. Makes sense to reuse them now instead of keeping them around for a year or getting rid and buying new? Same with baby toys and clothes.
  • Consolidated Parenting: The skills and routines we’ve developed for our first child can be applied to our second, potentially making the adjustment smoother.
  • it’ll be hard now but beneficial long term. Their relationship would be amazing, family days out would be slightly more easier and inclusive instead of the family being separated for different parts of attractions based on age.
  • we only want 2 kids so we can get them all popped out and start traveling with them sooner, get most the sleepless nights out of the way etc
  • I won’t need to hold off on my career as long as if we wait 3 years. Original plan was have Myles and then wait three years before the other, but I wanted to start my career when Myles was in school (in 3 years). Therefore my career would have to wait 6 years which is a no. Now it’ll be a maximum of 4.
  • we have family more than willing to help
  • Similar Needs: Since both children are in similar stages, their needs for things like naps, meals, and playtime can be synchronized, making it easier to manage daily schedules.
  • Single Phase of Diapers: Both children being in diapers at the same time means wed go through the diaper phase in one go rather than stretching it out over many years.
  • Faster Return to Independence: Once both children move out of the infant and toddler stages, we might find a quicker return to a sense of normalcy and independence compared to spacing children further apart.
  • Consolidated Sleepless Nights: we MAY deal with sleep disruptions in a shorter, more concentrated period rather than spreading them out over many years.
  • Imitation and Learning: Younger siblings often learn by watching and imitating older siblings, which can accelerate their development in areas like speech and motor skills.
  • Mutual Support: The children can support each other emotionally and socially, particularly as they grow older and face new experiences together.

weve also had talks as a couple working on what went well and difficult over our experience with having the first baby. After working on these it really has become a dream. We understand eachother and our needs etc when it comes to parenting, and become so much peaceful and all our stress and unhappiness has decreased massively!! Even during Myles bad days I.e., teething

I’m in no way saying it’ll be easier, we just think it’ll be better for us and our life wants long term. I know a lot of people mention childcare as a con, we’ve got a plan for that thankfully!
My partners only concern right now is the difficulty of looking after 2under2.

Idk I’m just looking for advice and if we’re setting ourselves up for failure.
While having two children under two can be demanding, these potential benefits can make the experience rewarding and fulfilling.
We believe we can do it and want to do it. But it’s always good to get advice etc.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FuzzyStripes · 29/07/2024 10:58

I had two under two (a much smaller age gap than that) and it’s worked brilliantly for us. I couldn’t be bothered to read all your reasons for it because you don’t need to justify it to anyway; just do what works for you and your family.

It worked so well for us that we went on to have another one with another small age gap.

PuttingDownRoots · 29/07/2024 11:06

O got pregnant around DDs first birthday. It has worked out well for us... 20 months was old enough to do stuff like feed themselves and play a bit, and sleeping better... but too young for jealousy. They are 13&11 now, and generally good friends (there are squabbles). Main difficulty is I can't be in two places at one but thats life with 2+children rather than age gaps (DH works away so all the extra curricular stuff, school activities etc are one me and sometimes they clash)

Superscientist · 29/07/2024 14:18

If you are discussing it, it very well might be right for you.
It would have been horrendous for me, I had severe pnd and my daughter was 2 before I recovered. She was 3 before we could start the conversation of a second child. I believe for most of those that it would be a bad idea for it is just so far off their radar it's never a conversation

Just one thing to pick out. Close in age does mean they will get on amazingly. I have a 4 and 7 year gap between my siblings and we get on so much better than my partner and his brother with a 2.5y age gap. They are completely different personalities and my mil had a lifetime of my partner crying at her feet because his brother didn't want to play with him. My dad is the eldest of 5 with 2-21 age gaps and the only one he isn't close to and in fact doesn't speak to at all is the 2 year gap.

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Dyra · 29/07/2024 17:25

It's very subjective. It might be right for you, but to me it sounded like my idea of a nightmare.

My two have a 2 and a half year gap between them, which is the absolute minimum I wanted, and that was tough enough. My second was a far more difficult baby than my first. So bad I sank into PND. His early toddler months were quite frankly hellish too. He's 2yr4mo now, and now he can walk and, more importantly, communicate he's turned quite chill.

I also have PCOS. Took 3 years of trying, then an 8 month pregnancy to have our daughter. As a result we had her at 33. I was fully expecting to need Clomid again, but then it only took 5 months to conceive our son naturally. Well, as natural as you can get while also taking Metformin and inositol.

Having family willing to help will be key I think. My mum's second and third were 2 under 2 (I was the easy eldest child) and we moved away from family when the youngest was 4 months old. She pretty much instantly developed depression. I also have no nearby family which I firmly believe contributed to my own PND.

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