overwhelmed with all the changes turning 2 means

[starkid]

I've got newly turned 2 year old twins who were born early, and one has global delay across several areas. They're very different to each other in most ways e.g. temperament, motivations, likes and dislikes etc. but both very busy and willful!

Anyway, I'm struggling as a parent with the idea of the huge amount of changes we seem to need to suddenly implement with them being proper toddlers as opposed to babies now. Moving out of cots and being able to freely roam their bedroom safely, potty training, eating properly with utensils, not using high chairs... I see everyone else's kids of similar ages doing all these things and panic that mine aren't doing them. Will I subconsciously know when they're ready for all these things, or am I just babying them? Am I holding them back?

I'm a stay at home mum and they don't go to nursery, another worry of mine is that they're going to fall even further back from not going until they're 3. We do go to little local play groups though so they play with other kids often.

I suffer from general anxiety which has been pretty good recently, but this is the latest thing going round and round in my head and I guess would like reassurance from those who have been there that it'll be ok, and maybe advice? 🙈😔 Please go easy on me.

You’ll know when they are ready, or in some cases, the things that used to work will stop working so you’ll try something new.
Keep them in their cots as long as possible. Don’t care what other people do — they are as likely to be wrong as you are. Some people push their kids to grow up a lot. A friend has told me that she now realises she started potty training a year too early and that they were all miserable, but it has taken four years for her to realise/admit it to herself.
They are still babies, just carry on as you were.

Above all, you know your children best. Go easy on yourself and them. Just enjoy them and your time together.

My son is turning 3 in a few months. He is not yet potty trained- he knows what he needs to do and has asked on occasion to use the potty, but we're taking it slow and steady because that's what he needs. He'll get there just fine in the end.

He is also still in a cot. He has made no attempts to climb out so far so I'm in no rush to change that. When he's ready we'll remove the side and convert to a toddler bed. There's no need to move them to a bed just because they're 2. Do it when they're ready.

We ditched the high chair before 2 years old for a Stokke Tripp Trapp. Highly recommend. We also have a little table and chair that is just his size where he can sit for a snack or sometimes eat his dinner. He can use a spoon and fork fine but I've never thought to introduce a knife. He knows how to cut up play dough and I doubt he'll be 18 years old and incapable of cutting up his own food.

When it comes to what other children are doing you need to force yourself not to compare. They all have different personalities, temperaments, and interests, which leads to their skills developing at different paces.

My son is a very fluent talker and can have full conversations with long sentences. He has a little friend the same age who is still only saying two or three word sentences, but I've never seen a boy as strong and physically capable as he is. He can climb like a monkey and I'm sure will be a future gymnast. But he can't ride a bike where my son is already on a pedal bike. He is much more confident and will join in all sorts of new environments without hesitation, whereas my son is shy and slow to warm to new things. They're all just different. But they are best friends and play together beautifully. They're just two little 2 year olds doing their thing and loving life.

Thank you both! I've been so scared it's my fault but you're right, they'll start resisting or moaning once they're fed up of us doing things a certain way then we'll change.

Yes we've got a little ikea table and chairs they use a lot for lunch but for meals where they need to use a spoon I strap them into their mamas and papas chairs on the floor so I can help them easier and they don't just run off 🙈
It's hard as well because they're twins but in some areas at very different levels of capability, so it's trying to balance between them. My smallest is under physio and OT support and on the waiting list for Speech and Language and Portage support.

Kindly, this is a you thing.

My dd is 2.5 and in a cot.
I read you just keep them in until they learn to escape shes a month out from learning to escape. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I give her cutlery sometime she use it sometimes its hands.🤷🏻‍♀️

She sometimes sits in a regular chair, sometimes in a high chair🤷🏻‍♀️

Potty training yes... that scared me but a week later and it was done (ish) twins would really have unnerved me but now ive done it once id feel more confident 🤣

Take it easy on yourself

Yes two year olds come with a lot of “work”, but… so did babies and you survived that (amazing you) AND two year olds give the best amazing love and feedback and by nearly three, sometimes you won’t need the buggy (depending on your one with global delay) and they become really fun little humans to be around.

Mine was in a cot til 3.5 only took her out as she could climb out

left her in high chair till nearly 3 cus we sit at a kitchen island so was easier to all sit together that way

I always offered cutlery but didn’t force its use - she eventually used it

open cups she’s only started using mostly the time at 3.5 - although she drinks out of her straw water bottle too

Potty training never happened too just over 3 years

really don’t worry

Thank you all, glad to hear of others with kids at levels more similar to mine. Maybe these kids their age I come across are high achievers or something, or more their parents are hah🤦‍♀️ Yes they are a fun pair and very funny and mostly happy, hard to stop myself from panicking I'm not doing my best when I'm so mentally drained by it all! I swear I was the most chilled pregnant person and newborn mother, but toddlers are a whole other kettle of fish.

@TemuSpecialBuy when you say it's a me thing, what bit do you mean exactly? That I've amplified all the changes I need to prepare for? haha😅

We moved my daughter out of her cot at 2. She never slept in it and did so much better in a bed than a cot. It had a side on it for a while. During the night she stays in the bed and cries for us. She only comes into us in the morning and often I have to wake her up for nursery. She's a poor sleeper and being able to sooth her back to sleep in a bed is so much easier! Don't fear beds but there is also absolutely no need to move them to a bed if everyone is happy with a cot.

Potty training happens when it happens. We took it slow and introduced over a few months. She had toddler diarrhoea and it's much easier now she is potty trained. We waiting until she was fully on board with the potty. It's never too early to introduce a potty. My daughter started using one at 6 months old but a stay in a mother and baby unit when she was 10 months stopped the routine. We used to pop her on it at nappy change times. You could also do it before bath time. Normalise the potty and see how they respond.

My daughter is 4 in a few weeks and she still uses her high chair. She's only on the 2nd percentile for height so is the size of a 2 year old. She hasn't had the tray on since she was 3 but it pushes up to the table. Regular chairs are too big for her. We looked at booster chairs but she's happy with her high chair and she is able to climb on herself.

Kindly take a deep breath, all of these things will probably happen over the next year. There is no rush to do everything at once. Some things will be lower priorities than others but just go with the toddlers you have in your arms not the toddlers in the books. Task by tasks you will work your way through it won't be all at once and it won't be all tomorrow.

You have to parent the children you have. Mine were in beds from very early but DD2 only slept in cot the first night in hospital - I never cracked the cot thing with DD1 so didn’t try with DD2. I have tall children so they were out of high chairs earlier than I would have liked because they nolonger fitted. DD1 potty trained easily a few weeks after turning 2, she just started using the potty which we had out and after the first week had very few accidents. DD2 was emotionally ready and determined to potty train around the same age but she wasn’t ready and spent a year having accidents, it was a nightmare.

Doing things sooner isn’t always better.

I don't think anybody tackles all of those at once!

I'll admit DD2 moved to a bed on her second birthday (a 'birthday present', she was desperate to copy big sister, and it actually made bedtimes easier not to have a struggle over the cot). Overall, though, I think we did those things over something like a year or a year and half. Yes, some of it was before they turned two, but that was my children, and what they were interested in and ready for. We tried to seize those moment when they came – your moments will come at different times, all the more so because they were prem, and one has GDD.

Yes, it's becoming age-appropriate to try some of those things. Maybe pick one or two that seem more plausible and give it a try, no pressure, just a little experiment. Perhaps try giving them a bit less help with a spoon, or introducing a fork if you haven't. Or maybe try an open cup or less use of high chairs whilst it's warm and you can eat outside.

My DTs moved from cots to cot beds (took the sides off the cots) on their 3rd birthdays, mainly because DT2 decided it was happening that day. I wouldn’t stress about any of the things you have mentioned, all children are different.

I had the same thoughts as you OP when my eldest turned 2. I couldn't believe how quickly they grow and transition and start doing/learning so much!

You will absolutely know when they are ready for the next stage of things. My advice is to trust your gut and do what you feel is right but the health visitor is always there to support you if you're unsure. (And don't compare to other parents!)

Embrace it - despite the tantrums it's a really great age x

Different kids needs different approaches. Also different kids have different personalities and so do their parents. You will do something’s because your child clearly is at that point and you’ll do some things because it’s easier for you and what is a pain for you won’t be for someone else. Some of these changes will be deliberate and planned in advance, some will happen on the spur of the moment and some will just evolve over time.

My DC is 2.5 and we’ve done most of those things but for different reasons and at different times. The children in our NCT group have all done things in a different way and at different times.

We potty trained because nappy changing was a nightmare, DC was not staying still for nappy changes. We were also having a lot of leaks so as they were of an age to get potty training and we were dealing with dirty clothes anyway, we thought we might as well get it over with so we deliberately set time to do it. We took the sides off the cot because they climbed out, so it was a restless night and then buying all the things to take the sides off the next day. We made some other sleep changes but we decided to get all the disruption out of the way in one go. We reduced the amount we use the high chair because we decorated the dining room so it got put away and we just didn’t bring it back out. We still sometimes use one when we’re out. I’m pushing for the proper use of cutlery because I’m getting fed up off washing weetabix cement from the sink every morning. We stopped using the pram because DC didn’t want to use it anymore, although they’ve had a little regression there and are happy in their pram again.

Follow your children’s lead, they will make it clear when they’re ready.
dc1 didn’t potty train properly until he has just gone 3- we tried earlier but it was clear he wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to make a big deal of it. When he was ready it was such an easy process and he hardly ever has had accidents.
he also stayed in his cot until he was 3, and he went from there straight into a full sized single bed with no bed guard. Again it was a painless transition because he was ready.

dc2 is just approaching 2 and I will be following his lead. There’s no harm trying out things like potty training but you’ll clearly see if they’re just not ready and then I just shelved it and try again in a few weeks/months etc.