How do you potty train a control freak?

[Orangepen13]

Tongue in cheek, but true.

I’m sure she’s ready. She’s 2y 8m old, can tell me her nappy is wet, knows how to wee on a potty, knows when she is pooing and doesn’t like to poo in her nappy.

We’re on day 4 of potty training (days 1-3 were bare bum at home) and we have a huge barrier that she doesn’t know the sensation of needing a wee and absolutely refuses to be told to use the potty. She only uses it if she has already started weeing and today we tried knickers and had 6 accidents in 4 hours 🫣

She hates being told to do anything really, so I didn’t even try the Oh Crap suggestion of telling them it’s potty time because this would just become a battle.

So, how do you teach them to notice the feeling and use the potty without prompting?!

things we have tried: an alarm and prompt to “see how your body feels? Does it need a wee?” (Pointing to tummy/pubic area); pompom jar incentives with treat at 10 pom-poms, plus a sticker; decorating her potty; putting fave books near potty.

Feeling a little disheartened as all my friends had much quicker success.

I think it’s hard if she doesn’t know she needs to do a wee and it might be worth waiting a bit? Our child would do poos in the potty only but stayed in nappies for wees for a while. Once we ditched the nappies, we just had to basically take all the pressure off and not really mention the potty. I would let dc know it was there if they needed it but that was it. I found it really hard to not say anything but every time I did, our kid would just hold it in and refuse to go. We did have lots of accidents for a while but got there in the end and since about 3.4 months they have barely had an accident (still doesn’t like any pressure to use the toilet though).

I knew my youngest was ready. He wanted to do a certain activity. I told him that people in diapers could not do that activity. It took two days.

try using padded cotton knickers. they hold the wet against their body and so they feel the cold wet sensation much more effectively and it makes it easier for them to put two and two together...it also helps cut down on puddles on the floor!

If 'she doesn’t know the sensation of needing a wee', why do you think she's ready? Leave it a while, she's clearly not.

It's very early days. After a few puddles on the floor she'll start to associate the feeling of needing a wee with the need to go and will start to learn. I wouldn't push her too much but go mad with praise / rewards for making it to the potty on time. Wearing cotton knickers may help as they feel uncomfortable when wet so she'll be keen not to wee in them once she realises.

Wait 6 months

She’s not ready. I would wait a few months. Dd was the same.

I would wait a bit/let her decide.
My control freak refused repeatedly to even try but then announced she was going to wear pants from now on one evening just before bed when I had a newborn, I gulped & went with it & she never had an accident until about 4 months in when she had 2 accidents in a week then never again. She was nearly 3.

We tried knickers and it was worse than the first day of training so gone to commando. I’ll definitely try taking the requests off even more and try until we reach a week, if no progress will stop.

anyone else absolutely exhausted by a toddler who won’t respond to a single request 😭 it’s either her terms or full meltdown and I’m emotionally drained from it

Just stick her back in nappies and try again in a couple of months. If she doesn't recognise that she needs a wee, then she's not ready yet. Take the pressure off both of you.

If she doesn't know the sensation of needing a wee, then she's not ready.

Id leave it and wait for her to tell you she's ready. She knows about pants, when she's ready her control-flakiness will kick in and she'll. s done in no time.

Mine was like that, for us the only thing that worked was saying nothing and weeks of accidents, until they recognised the feeling that comes just before wet pants. Any suggestion that they might want to try was meat to outright refusal, even if they know they needed to go.

Do you have the option to spend more time at home/in the garden?

I never really understand the comments here when you say the child has accedents- everyone says they are not ready. I think having accidents is a big part of the process.

I started to pottytrain my girl when she turned 2 years old - she had accidents for two weeks - in the first week, she made it to the potty maybe once or twice a day.
I was never really bothered by them - put puppy training sheets all over the living room, had a travel potty and loads of change of clothes when we were out.
She was fully potty trained by 2 months during the day, and in 3 months' time, no accidents during night either.

I guess mothers mean when "they ready"- there will be no accedents. I personally prefer to clean up for a few weeks rather than having a 4 years old in nappies.

I would just keep doing what you are doing- do not use diapers anymore, when she has an accedent- put her on the potty and make her help to clean it up (as long as she enjoys helping with it). She will get it - it takes time!

Because if they're ready it should take days, not months.

Lindtdor chocolate balls!

My eldest cottoned on incredibly quickly when motivated with chocolate.

We started at a full ball and immediately had to reduce it to 1/2 ball, followed by a 1/4 ball and then small chocolate buttons because he refused to get off the potty and kept squeezing out miniscule wees to get more chocolate.

I was very proud to see him game the system so quickly.

I really wouldn't try a delayed gratification of '10 wees = treat' with a child that young.

Keep going, you're only on day 4. We're currently potty training 2 year 4 month old and it suddenly clicked around day 8. Still accidents but it's too early for you to give up. I disagree with the previous poster that says it should only take days. Our first two kids took around a month of solid training and that was it, no looking back. If we'd given up after a week it would have dragged out potty training unnecessarily with all the stopping and starting.

Yeah I don’t think there’s any point until she knows she needs a wee. That’s different from knowing her nappy’s wet.

If you're doing Oh Crap then the first bit bare bummed at home is supposed to be you (or they) notice when they're weeing and get them straight on the potty. If she's getting on the potty when she's already weeing, it sounds like you're still at that stage. I think the method recommends moving on to clothed-but-commando only when all the wees and poos are going into the potty (for us that was day four, I think). That'll be when you notice just before the wee that she needs one and get her on the potty just in time, consistently. Eventually that's meant to help her recognise the signal too, because your timing is so precise that she can associate your instruction with weeing in her potty immediately after.

Other methods are available, but maybe if you're mixing methods that's confusing her because she hasn't learnt her body's signals yet, but you're expecting her to know? Basically I think all toilet training is about doing wees and poos in the right place at the right time, but the Oh Crap method emphasises learning the right time slightly more (simultaneously with the right place), and the methods where you sit them on the toilet at regular intervals start with learning the right place first.

You just need to stick it out and deal with the puddles for a couple of weeks, you are only 3 days in!

It's swings and roundabouts really, mine were out of nappies a few months older than yours but were dry in days rather than months. Some accidents are inevitable but I don't see the need to put up with weeks of them unnecessarily, I don't think it benefits the child.

Just an update in case this is helpful to anyone else looking.

Were a week in and haven’t gone back to knickers yet, instead just concentrating on learning the sensation of needing a wee. I’d say we get 90% in the potty, half of those because she starts to wee and stops herself and about half because she knows she needs to go. Poos are fine at the moment, all going in the potty.

I guess readiness can mean ready to go to pants without accidents or ready to learn. My one is definitely ready to learn!

will try loose shorts before knickers and see how it goes

@Orangepen13 That's fantastic news - well done! I think 'readiness' definitely means 'ready to learn', especially with the Oh Crap method. After all, that's why it's training. Just thought I should add that when we moved from bare bum to trousers (it was winter and we used stretchy leggings) there were about 5 accidents in a row, so we'd gone from 100% of wees in the potty bare-bummed the day before, to suddenly loads of accidents when we switched to clothes. So it was a bit like starting all over again, but the whole process went really quickly this time, and we were back on track by the end of the day. Which is just to say don't get discouraged if she pees all over her shorts straight away!